“You still don’t get it, do you?”
I’m trying to work on something, unsure of the direction I want to go. I lean back in my chair and light yet another cigarette hoping to find inspiration in a haze of smoke. Or maybe in the bottom of my teacup.
“You can’t ignore me forever missy. I’ve got time and lots of it. More than I can say for you.”
There had to be a way to stir up something interesting to write about. Hell, I have so much clutter in my brain there has to be something I can scrape together that won’t bore the masses as much as it bores me.
“You aren’t the only one who’s bored, I’ve been yawning my head off for the last couple months while you continue to make no decisions. I mean come on already! An intervention didn’t help, it made things worse if it did anything.”
There’s an annoying buzz in my ear, like that elusive mosquito on a hot summer night, you know it’s there but you can’t quite figure out where it is or how to get rid of it.
“Please. You won’t be getting rid of me that easily. I’m here, I’ll always be here, like it or not. Get over it.”
Maybe it was one of my cats again. They were always up to something that involved weird noises and destruction. Lately they’ve added snoring to their repertoire.
That annoying straight line on my computer screen keeps blinking at me, a mix of disdain and disgust like it wants to take me by the throat and shake the words out of me.
“If you don’t get moving soon I’m going to do more than shake the words out of you. You, missy, need a good old fashioned over the knee spanking. Which actually sounds like a good idea now that I’m thinking about it… and by the way missy, I know you hear me so knock it off with the ignoring of moi.”
“Nope,” say I, “I hear nothing.” I try to give it my best Sargent Shultz try but I suck at accents and I don’t think my Muse is a big fan of Hogan’s Heroes.
“What I’m not a big fan of is you not doing anything.”
She hovered over my keyboard now, finally showing herself even though I knew she was there all along.
Mostly I was just being a bitch to annoy her. Writer’s block can make a person do strange things, ignoring one’s Muse probably isn’t the best way to be productive.
“Listen to you using all those words just to say you suck, I’m almost impressed! Why don’t you try putting your fingers on the trigger and start typing?”
“Because you’re sitting on my keyboard?”
Couldn’t stop myself, the words were out before I could bite my tongue. I’m really in no mood for a conversation with my Muse right now, I should have kept my mouth shut.
“First of all I’m hovering, not sitting; secondly, I know what you’re going to say before you even think it. You seem to forget who’s in charge here.”
I blink and she’s standing behind me, leaning over my shoulder looking at the blank screen in front of me.
“Why are you even here?” I ask. “You’re supposed to be in a file marked “Muse Drafts”.”
“Yeah, right next to the files marked “Lizzie and James” and “Tower Story”, been there done that. I’m bored.”
“Well if you’re so bored then why don’t you do your job and muse me up already?”
Her left eyebrow arched so high it nearly reached her hairline.
Shit. Here we go again, another round of beat on the brat.
“You are a brat,” she hissed. Which is pretty impressive considering there are no “s’s” in the sentence she-
“Hey!” She slapped me in the face! “You slapped me in the face!”
“Your choice missy; stop fucking around, get your ass writing, or I’ll get your ass burning and believe me, I have plenty of experience when it comes to a good old fashioned brat-spanking.”
I have to admit, I considered it.
I mean she did look pretty hot in her leather and I was being bratty and maybe I’m reading too much erotica lately. Then again I did go to Catholic school and I was being bratty. And did I mention she looked pretty hot in her leather?
“Stop repeating yourself. And since you seem so anxious for a spanking you’re not getting one. Now.”
I can feel my face flaming at the turn this conversation is taking and she laughs, at me, not with me of course.
My Muse has a sadistic streak.
“And don’t forget it chica,” she blows me a kiss before disappearing for who knows how long.
Abandoned, as usual, it’s just me and a blank screen once again, that fucking blinking line taunting me still.