{July 31, 2013}   Bottled Djinn ~ Muse Series

AUTHORS NOTE: the plot thickens, as does the air, as our Catt is indeed on the inside looking in, left inside a Djinn bottle, perhaps she can get some answers, or not…please, enjoy.
There is a sickly greenish-black cast to the fog surrounding me. It’s as if the air is closing in, trying to suffocate me.
It’s difficult to breathe properly.
I’ve never been prone to anxiety attacks but if this keeps up much longer I think they might become my constant companion and new best friend.
I try to push down the panic threatening to consume me, I have to get my bearings.
Is she messing with my head?
No way she could put me in a bottle and besides, I thought genies lived in lamps.
Between the air, or rather the lack thereof, combined with all this weird shit filling up my head, I’m starting to get the beginnings of the mother of all headaches.
Could she be telling me the truth? Is it really possible that she put me in a magic genie lamp or bottle or whatever the hell she was talking about. Shit, all this thinking about Djinn and magic lamps did nothing more than make me long for a tall cold gin and tonic.
Beads of sweat drip from my face and my hair is nearly soaked. I have no idea where I am but I try to soldier on, trying to make my way through this green foggy haze seems to be getting me nowhere.
I can see nothing and for all I know I may be walking around in circles.
Where the hell am I and why did she bring me here and take off again?
And what did she mean with all that stuff she babbled on about, the whole protection thing from that bitch of a reject from The Insane Clown Posse and telling, no, instructing, no, forcing me to hide out in some scary dark place.
My muse and I have a sort of love/hate relationship wherein she loves to hate me, at least most of the time.
She refuses to tell me her name, something about names having power or some nonsense and she answers to nothing. Which really makes it kind of hard to call her for help when I need it.
Not that I can really count on her.
But it’s worth a try.
“Hey! Muse!” Yeah like she’s gonna come running to my rescue. “Yo! Bitch! Get your ass back here and get me the hell out of this place!”
I’m sure she’s gonna answer to that one too.
My Muse has a mind of her own, and sometimes she has my mind too, at least lately she has. Or it feels like it.
I try to remember how I found her in the first place and it doesn’t escape my notice that I mentally used a capital ‘M’ just thinking about her.
See? I thought at her, wherever she may be, I am so paying attention! I probably lost points for the ‘bitch’ I quietly tacked on because I’m pretty damn sure she knows my every thought.
The harder I try to remember how she came to be in my life the more my head pounds.
There’s nothing there.
Just a blank spot where a memory used to be, as if somebody pressed the erase button and wiped it from my mind.
Something elusive nags at me but it’s like catching smoke, I can’t quite grasp it.
I don’t know what it is that has me so on edge but what I do know is I have to find some way out of this mess like now.
“It smells like human in here.”
An unfamiliar voice floats around my head, it’s sounds like it’s going through some kind of vocal effects box or something but mostly it sounds, I don’t know, emotionless.
Not threatening, though not friendly either, more like bored.
And I’m about ready to pass out.
I can’t remember the last time I ate anything, aside from some good scotch, sleep hasn’t been my friend lately, and the air in this dark place is oppressive. I’m sluggish and lightheaded and unsure anymore what’s real.
I wish I could see something.
“You can’t have the ring so lets not waste time with the back and forths.”
I still can’t see who is talking but the black green glow is dissipating, it’s getting a little less dark at least.
“Although, what is time really?” the voice continued speaking as if we were having a late night philosophical conversation, “Don’t bother answering toots, you don’t have a clue.”
“Hey! I do too have a clue! And don’t call me toots!” I was exhausted, hungry, and really getting sick of half truths and riddles from impossible creatures.
“Cut the act kiddo, I know he sent you here, so you can just turn your little ass around and go crawling back to Asmodeus. Tell him there’s no deal. Forget it. No bottles. No rings. No nothing. Nada. Now skedaddle, run along, disappear, go away.”
I take a deep breath and quickly make a mental list of all the ways I’m gonna kill my muse.
“I know,” I say,” how about you tell me what you’re talking about? You keep hurling accusations at me, tell me what you’re talking about!”
Another one who refuses to answer when I speak, this is getting stupid. He remains silent.
“Let’s try it this way, I’ll talk real slow and you, tell. me. what. you’re. talking. about. NOW!”
“Oh for the love of- that damn Rule Of Three,” the disembodied voice is both annoyed and growing closer as the smoke clears and a very large green man slowly fades into view.
“So you want to know about the ring and the bottles do you?”
He sighs, as if resigned to the fact that he was about to spill it all, but I cut him off before he continues.
“And while you’re at it, who’s this Amadeus guy and what does any of this have to do with me?”
As he materialized in front of me, sharper and more in focus, it almost seems like his green skin is getting paler.
“Let me get this straight toots, the rings aren’t enough for you, you want me to tell you about Asmodeus too?”
Silence. From both of us.
Then, in his full green glory he stared me in the eyes and said one thing.
“Are you nuts?”
to be continued…

{July 30, 2013}   Muse Abandonent ~ Series

AUTHORS NOTE: Muses are strange creatures {OWWW! Stop yanking my hair!), ahem, some muses can be strange creatures, they don’t even ask, they just do, as we mere mortals get our strings yanked. Lets see what my muse is doing to me, err, Catt now . Please to enjoy.
“Where are we?”
I keep my voice low. It’s so dark here I see nothing.
Wherever the hell “here” is.
“Hey, thanks for the save back there, I appreciate it and all, but, uh, where the hell are we?”
“Shush child!” Her whisper betrayed her lack of patience but what the fuck does she expect? One minute she’s saving me from some crazy creature who’d apparently just read 50 Shades of Gray, now we’re here.
In the dark.
So dark I can’t see my muse who has my arm in her grip pulling me through, something.
The air is thick and cloying, heavy, misleading. Distant sounds of muffled screams and the crashing of glass rumble in the background and I feel sick.
Not I-drank-too-much sick, more like I’m-in-the-middle-of-a-real-life-horror-movie sick.
“C’mon, where are we,” I barely breathe the words, this place was freaking me out. “What’s going on and who the fuck was that crazy bitch with the torture routine, in my own house I might add!”
As usual, no reply.
“Say something,” I cringe at the whine in my voice but I’m petrified of the dark.
My hands feel around in an attempt to get some sense of where my muse took us but it feels like I’m moving in slow motion. I can’t even see my own hands in front of my face, a fact made painfully clear when I nearly poke my own eye out.
Have you ever whispered “Ouch”? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Nor as quiet.
What sounds like an evil chuckle floats by, full, deep, and throaty.
Nothing good ever seems to follow that distinct sound of her amusement, something bad accompanies that sound and it’s usually at my expense.
Those tiny little hairs on the back of my neck were all tingly, a sure sign she’s up to something again.
“Well?” I’m still waiting for some kind of explanation but, as usual, she does what she wants when she wants, no amount of chatter from me can make her answer me so I keep on putting one foot in front of the other until she comes to a dead stop and I walk right into her. Of course she is unmovable and I trip, landing on my ass. Hard.
“You never learn chica,” her voice has turned harsh. I swear she has more mood swings than even I do and that’s saying a lot.
“I told you,” she whispered urgent and angry, leaning down to my level rather than extending a helping hand,”I specifically told you to pay attention didn’t I?”
I am so not in the mood for her games right now.
“What the fuck did I do? All I wanted to do was to write, how the fuck did writing turn into a ride on the crazy train! You are supposed to-”
“I am supposed to do nothing little girlie, nothing. You know nothing, you are nothing, and you will get exactly nothing if you don’t stop trying to be a smartass and start paying fucking attention!”
I still can’t see her but I can feel her breath on my face as she spews her rant in my direction.
“I’m not trying to be a smartass, sometimes it just comes out that way,” I mumble under my breath. I’m actually kind of glad I can’t see her face right now, I’ve never heard her sound this pissed.
“However you managed to attract the attention of that She-Devil is a mystery to me, I’ve gone out of my way to keep you safe until it’s time and you repay me by calling on Her-”
“I didn’t call on anyone! I was trying to find you! You’re the one who keeps disappearing on me and talking in riddles and what the hell time are you even talking about? It’s like you exist just to torment me and….uh…” I shut up because oh shit, I can feel anger coming off her in waves.
The air around us is oppressive as if it’s closing in on us and I’m about to land in a world of shit, I just know it.
She’s too silent for too long, till finally, she speaks.
“You.” Her voice is low, menacing almost but there’s a hint of exasperation, like her favorite pet just clawed her new leather couch forcing her to teach them a lesson. And I mean a really expensive new leather couch.
“This is partly my own fault,” she begins, “if you tell anyone I said that I’ll kill you myself.” She growls the last bit.
She sighs heavily and I begin to see her face as her eyes start to glow, slowly getting brighter and brighter. They are green and ageless and pulling me in, holding me mesmerized.
She stalks me feline-like, her eyes laser focused on mine.
“I should have done this a long time ago chica, but you know how it is, places to go, people to destroy. Whatever you did to piss off that particular Marid was a big mistake missy, and don’t even.”
She cut me off before I could say a word.
“Yes I know, you didn’t call Her, blah blah blah, it doesn’t matter how, She found you once, She can find you again. And you have no idea what I’m talking about which is a whole other issue girlie, but first things first. You need to get gone and stay gone, at least for now, and don’t even think for a moment I’m going to forget this, you owe me big time. Shut up.”
I do indeed shut up, I figure, I’m either dreaming or I have malaria or something that’s gonna kill me so I may as well play along, she won’t listen to me anyway.
“You need to be taught a few lessons chica-bella, now is as good a time as any, long overdue actually.”
A green glow emanating from her eyes increases in intensity as her voice begins to fade.
I can’t see anything, just a greenish almost smoky haze as her voice grows fainter.
“Things to do chica, don’t worry, I’ll be back, you just sit tight in that bottle missy, and please child, for your own sake if not, and it dreads me to say this, for the sake of the entire world, please, at least try to pay attention.”
“Hey! Get back here!” I shout, near full panic mode.
“Oh and one more thing chica,” she giggles, “don’t go anywhere.”
Then she’s gone.
to be continued…

{July 29, 2013}   Rejection Reaction

fake smile
if i disappeared
from the face of this earth
no one would notice
the negative space that used to be me

dishes pile high
dust gathers like webbing
and the ring of the bell
echoes through the empty

when i fade into the nothing
and i will,
remember those tears you heard me cry
were just a rejection reaction

familiar and form-fitting
despair covers me shroud-like
there to remind me
my name is never at the top of anyone’s list
i'm fine

{July 28, 2013}   No Word Exists

not quite black,
that isn’t dark enough
distressed and disoriented
doesn’t quite capture it
no word exists
to describe my empty
so I flutter
in these depths alone
and lie to even you when i say i’m smiling
it would cause you pain to know
your protective instincts
shattered what was left of me
you see, those same instincts hibernate in me
i’d rather swallow shards of glass
than see you bleed
the luck of my draw
keeps it that way
so i remain invisible

{July 26, 2013}   Salvation

your voice slides like honey
dripping over me easy
sinking into all those hard-to-reach places
untouched for too long
the sound of you reminds me
everything i ever wanted is mine for the taking
you build me up sturdy
strength through repetition
when i’m nearly depleted you fill me
memories overflow and we are right there once more
safe and steadfast surviving the daily storms
faithful to our unfaithfulness
i bow my head in gratitude
whisper a prayer to get me through the inbetween times
waiting patient for the sacred
salvation on the tip of your tongue
solemn worship shines from my eyes
as you pull me back from the edge
saving me divine
if this is sin
then i am a willing sinner
in search of the holy

{July 25, 2013}   Like Pavlov’s Dog

black and white sillhouette
how is it
you hold all the power
and me
right in the palm of your hand
with  nothing more than the ringing of a bell
i come running like Pavlov’s dog
tongue hanging out and drooling
patient pet waiting for her master
a pat on the head or a good hard belly rub
any and all attention
brings me to my knees
panting for more

{July 25, 2013}   Fiction Relay Part 37

Well, here I am, One Thrilled New Relayer who has somehow managed to write a little bit more than 1000 words. For those of you following along, (which I’m sure is all of you because how could you not?) we last left Blue locked up tight in a cab with Melissa let’s take a peek at what’s been going on since.
Please excuse my lack of link knowledge, I’m a writer not a linker so I’ve done my best to insert links to the Homepage and to the Summary to make it easier for you to keep yourself up to date.
So without further ado, please to enjoy Part 37 of The Fiction Relay.
Pokerfaced, Blue held Melissa’s stare, her eyes giving away none of the chaotic thoughts racing through her mind.
No way was she giving this bitch even one inch of satisfaction.
Shifting slightly in the backseat of the cab, Blue let Melissa enjoy her brief time of imagined control, intentionally dropping her gaze as if in submission.
Keeping one eye on Melissa, she rubbed her hands over her thighs giving off nervous vibes in an attempt to lull Melissa into a momentary complacency as she slipped her favorite blue switchblade from her right boot.
It might be little but it was full of lethal potential.
Blue casually slid the blade open, running the tip underneath her black-painted nails. Just being in the same cab as Melissa was making her feel dirty.
Tension was thick as neither one was willing to give in to the other.
Dropping all pretense, Blue finally broke the silence out of sheer boredom.
“Sanderson, Sanders son, Sanders daughter, what’s your fucking point? Is this the part of your Big Plan where I get all scared and beg you for mercy?”
Blue let out a sarcastic chuckle as she resumed running her switchblade under her fingernails.
“Not gonna happen sweetie.” Blue’s voice dripped condescension.
Melissa closed her eyes and mentally counted to five.
She didn’t have the patience to count to ten.
She would not allow this little brat to rattle her, as much as the sight of her made Melissa rage there was too much at stake to let a mere child get in her way.
Especially this child who was nothing more than a byproduct of Sam and Meagan’s ‘Grand Love’.
There was something about this beautiful young woman with her ridiculous blue hair and matching eyes that could convince a normal person she was far older than her years though Melissa refused to think of her as anything other than an insolent kid.
This annoying little brat was causing her to seriously reconsider her plan.
“It really bothers you doesn’t it?”
Blue glanced at Melissa covertly, her voice intentionally casual as she secured the mental block in her brain.
It was obvious Melissa had stolen some of her power but Blue’s powers were a lot stronger than anyone knew, including Spencer. There were just some things a girl had to keep to herself.
“Bothers me? What are you going on about? The only thing bothering me right now is you and your bratty sense of self importance,” Melissa spit out.
“And I’m going to take that away from you as easily as I took your powers. I’m the one in charge here little girl, apparently it’s escaped your pea brain. You’re not going anywhere.”
Melissa gestured to the locked doors keeping Blue from getting out of the car.
The very sight of Blue, Samantha, unaffected in the backseat of the cab with that face looking so much like Meagan was beginning to make her head pound.
Everything always came back to Meagan.
“You may have been hatched by those two wanna-be’s but the reality of the situation little girl,” Melissa paused for a moment, she could feel her anger building and the last thing she wanted was to let Blue know she was getting to her.
“The plain unvarnished truth dearie, is that Mommy and Daddy wanted nothing to do with you then, and they want nothing to do with you now. Your so-called Father couldn’t leave fast enough after your whore of a Mother spread her legs and as for her, well she couldn’t wait to dump your idiotic self on the first person she could find stupid enough to take you.”
“Careful Melissa, your green is starting to show.”
Blue remained unrattled while Melissa began to seethe.
Images started to flash fast through her mind.
Raj dead and deader. Fire and blood, so much blood. Images sped up like a flipbook, Raj on top of Meagan. Daniel, no Sam, Sam on top of Meagan, looking at her with the same worshipful eyes Raj did. Even Ephraim treated her like she was a porcelain princess.
All of them, every goddamn one of them worshipped that bitch and not a one of them ever put Melissa before Meagan.
No, not Meagan, Suzi.
What was happening here? Her thoughts sped up, uncontrollable, her mind splitting in different directions then coming back together as if her brain was in a blender.
“Hey, you know you really are starting to look a little green around the gills,” Blue’s voice broke through the chaotic spin of Melissa’s mind. “Don’t even think of puking in my direction.”
“Shut up.”
“You’re sounding a little shaky there ‘Lissa,” Blue still had her blade in her hand.
“Shut up shut up SHUT UP!”
Blue said nothing in return, just continued to relax slouched against the locked door, never once taking her eyes off Melissa.
“What the fuck is taking so long? We should’ve been back at the motel by now! Driver,” she knocked on the divider between the back and front seats. If this hack thought he was getting away with taking the long way back just to increase the tab he was in for a nasty surprise.
“Melissa.” A disembodied voice whispered her name, the voice was familiar yet too faint to grasp who it was.
Her mind began to race again.
Something was off.
No, she was just being paranoid, it had to be her, that hell-spawn was trying to get into Melissa’s head and it wasn’t about to happen-
Blue interrupted her thoughts.
“Awww come on Melissa, I don’t need any super powers to see how much it burns your ass just looking at me, it’s called the power of observation, look it up.”
“You are so fucking lucky I need your help little girl or you’d be nothing more than messy pieces right about now.”
Something wasn’t right, they should have been at the motel a lot sooner than this.
“And I’m going to help you because why?” Blue asked cheerfully, her face suddenly lit up like it was Christmas morning.
Melissa reached out to Blue mentally, then physically recoiled at the blast of ice cold pain shooting through every nerve ending in her body.
“What did you do?” Melissa screamed furiously, all semblance of control gone.
Once again she began banging on the window separating the driver and the passengers.
“Driver! Stop this cab now! Where are we! Take me to my motel!”
The cab pulled over, engine idling as they sat there in silence, no word from the driver, they just sat there on what Melissa just noticed was a dark road, with nothing recognizable in sight.
She turned to Blue, still sitting back, knife still cleaning her nails, a look of complete satisfaction on her face.
“You did this!” she screamed, “you did this somehow! You don’t know who you’re playing with little girl! You know nothing about the real power, the real control!”
Melissa was nearing the point of meltdown. “You think you’re Miss High and Fucking Mighty because of her, your lying backstabbing whore of a mother!”
The window between the front seat and the passenger seat slid open and a voice drifted through preceding the appearance of the driver’s head.
“Who you calling a whore?” snarled Meaghan.
To be continued as the Fiction is now Relayed to dear Delilah:

{July 23, 2013}   Time Folds

just like that you flip me over
away from the cobwebs and up through the ceiling
because you tickle me with words
remind me to laugh again
you do it so easy my mind spins,
till time folds
that’s when i shiver in the heat
when your voice husks enough to let me know you remember too
it gets hard to swallow and i feel the burn
we shift and i’m there
i tend to forget you remember sometimes
that black crayon tendency i can’t seem to shake
kicks in and kicks my ass
funny how one ray of sunshine
can change the entire view

{July 22, 2013}   Captive Castaway ~ My Lyrics

kiss me on the cheek
as you push me out the door
baby no one does it better than you
whisper i’m so sweet
as you throw me to the floor
tell me what am i supposed to do

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway

you say you like my style and you like that thing i do
a caring complication’s what i am
when you avoid my calls it only leads me to believe
that you really couldn’t give a damn

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway
AUTHORS NOTE: I’ve been in a few bands, lead singer mostly, and I wrote a lot of songs…lyrics are just poems you sing, and i think it’s time for me to write them somewhere other than only the piles of previously blank books now filled with song lyrics, a good portion of which became songs we’d record. Anyway, I felt the need to write these lyrics here today, as I’m working on a super-not-so-secret Fiction Relay thing (I work best under pressure so I thought I’d put some pressure on myself) and I can’t split my brain in too many directions at the same time… unless maybe if I was a Doll, an Active (in Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse and if you haven’t watched the 2 seasons then go! run! get it and watch it because it’s that good) and someone could imprint my brain so I could be a cocktail of awesome, um, I uh, lost my train of thought because I can’t stop thinking about the FR and Dollhouse at the same time.
And I think what started out as just lyrics turned into something approaching rant status. So I’m gonna shut up now and go work on an exciting new writing adventure…tune in for more details to come soon. And seriously, watch Dollhouse, and sweet Cara, you made me think of these lyrics today, so thank you! xox 😀

{July 22, 2013}   It’s A Boy!!!


et cetera