“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

When American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr composed the Serenity Prayer I have a feeling he wasn’t referring to changing the clocks twice a year.
It’s all simple and easy right? “Spring ahead, Fall back” is the phrase we all learned as children adults, you know, to make it easier to remember if we change the clocks back one hour or forward one hour, in other words, Daylight Savings Time.
Easy peasy*. That is, if you’re someone who’s not me.
Not-me would go around the house, usually before bedtime, and change all the clocks back one hour and there ya go, Bob’s your Uncle* and all that.
Not-me might even wait until waking up in the morning to turn back the clocks, somehow doing it that way makes it seem like more of a bonus, you wake up at 7am and say “yay, it’s really only 6am” so you roll over and go back to sleep for an extra hour. Allegedly.
There is an embarrassing point I’m working my way toward here, so lets say it all together: I changed the clocks yesterday for my Dad only I sprang ahead instead of falling back.
Feel free to laugh long and hard, I did.
It wasn’t until last night when my Dad phoned me to let me know so of course I felt it would be necessary to make that drive over the bridge to fix my mistakes.
But wonder of wonders, Dad called me this morning and I was able to talk him through the changing of the clocks.
I’m totally impressed that he was able to do it himself, and more than a little proud of his unwanted knowledge of all this new-fangled technology. I’m even the slightest bit proud of myself for being able to talk him through it over the phone, prouder still that I didn’t freak out, have a temper tantrum lose my cool at the idea of having to waste use my extra hour to drive down to Dad’s house just to push a few buttons, especially considering that I will be there tomorrow morning to spend the (internet-less) night.
It’s Election day here in the US of A on Tuesday so I will once again do my civic duty (aka earn the money needed to go to Cape May) and get my ass to the Polling Center at 5am, conveniently located half a block away from Dad’s house.
Providing the clocks are set to the correct time.
If the link doesn’t show the video I’ll make it easier for you, it’s a clip of The Brady Bunch singing “Time To Change”, here’s hoping it works out better than my clock setting adventures yesterday.
*Any mangling or misuse of the English language is all on me aka I am a word-mangler.


5 Ways To Survive The Inevitably Approaching Zombie Apocalypse

1. Learn to look at everything as a potential weapon. With a little practice, a heavy hardcover book can be as deadly as a machete. Killing zombies is easy once you get the hang of it.

2. Make your home a fortress. Your home is your castle, if time allows, prepare a moat. Use piranhas and/or alligators if possible (depending on your location), or consider gasoline. If gasoline is not an option, try anything flammable (e.g. cooking oil, alcohol). When zombies fall into the gasoline-filled moat (and they will, zombies are very clumsy) shooting flaming arrows at them is recommended. Not only will this burn zombies but also, fire pretty.

3. Pick your battles. You may have to spend a lot of time with unfamiliar non-zombies if you choose to run (safety in numbers and all that). Try not to waste energy and strength fighting amongst yourselves (unless you are a disgruntled spouse who never bothered to divorce, this could be a perfect opportunity to end an unhappy marriage).

4. Think like a Girl Scout/Boy Scout and always be prepared. Have plenty of water and canned food stored away. Remember, there will be no weekly trips to the grocery story during a zombie apocalypse, better to serve boxed macaroni and cheese to your friends and family than to serve your own flesh so keep your pantry stocked and avoid strangers at all cost.

5. Keep a journal. If you don’t make it you’ll help future survivors know what not to do, if you do happen to survive you can start a publishing company, make a fortune, and possibly rule whatever is left of the world.

*Is it just me or is it a really long wait between Walking Dead seasons?

et cetera