joannebest











{September 11, 2015}   I Can Never Forget

9 11abb

I’m sure I’m not the only one who is having a hard time getting through another September 11th. I tried desperately to write today but found myself staring at a near blank page and clicking back and forth between writing and looking at Facebook.

Basically wasting time.

I can’t even muster up the ability to write about that day in 2001 from my perspective, but it nags at me, to post something. I can’t ignore the day without acknowledging it some way,  yet I can’t write anything today, the words are stuck in my heart because my head is filled with all the what-ifs, all the lives that were touched that day, and how there was a ripple effect that day. You didn’t have to live in New York or New Jersey or Pennsylvania or Washington DC or Boston, it doesn’t matter where you lived, the World changed that day and Innocence became a memory the instant that first plane hit the first Tower.

I dug out some of my blank books, the books I use to keep track of rehearsals and write lyrics. I also tend to doodle when there’s lead singer down time, and it just so happened we had rehearsal on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001. I wanted to cancel but in the end we decided to go to the studio and try to not think for two hours. We had a gig coming up where we had to add a few cover songs to usual original set so I had a bit of doodle time while the musicians musicianed other people’s songs.

So I decided to take a few photographs of my doodles, and the lyrics to a song I wrote that night called “Lay Me Down”, just my feelings about that day jotted down quickly in a blank book as the horrifying terrible smell was everywhere and the smoke continued to take over the sky no matter where you turned.

This year was worse for me. Don’t know why, it just was.

So I shall share some pages from journals written and doodled on Tuesday, September 11th,2001 at Stage Right Studios while our Innocence disappeared slowly, nearly unnoticed, like that tragic scent and the never-ending smoke. I never claimed to be an artist, but I just needed to share this, and hope to sleep tonight nightmare-less, unlike last night when I had one of those same nightmares where I’m lost in New York City alone in the dark.

If you click on this photo you can see a scribbled NYC skyline, the one I saw every single day.

911a

If you click on this you can see my mental me unravel a bit, writing down words to songs my Mom sang to me when I would cry and she’d sing “Why oh why oh why oh, did I ever leave Ohio?” Neither one of us ever went to Ohio but it became our code song, kind of like clicking your ruby slippers three times or Calgon, take me away type stuff.

Just me then? [shrugs]

 

911b

These are the lyrics to Lay Me Down, the song I wrote that night, the song sitting in another studio waiting for me to finish some vocals and a few other touchups. If you click on the photo I was surprised to find the words legible. Um, just me then? Either way, I believe I may have posted them previously, if not, perhaps I will.  Right this moment, this is all I can do.

I’ll get back to my WIP tomorrow after Dad Duty. How do you make an almost 89 year old ex Navy Man who was actually there on D Day let you help him? He doesn’t want my help, he wants my Mom back and so do I but that isn’t possible. So I shall visit and clean and do laundry and go food shopping, shout louder than I sing so he can hear me, and bite my tongue near in half at the way he talks to me and the fight he gives me about cleaning. He can do it himself you know. That translates into what I call Covert Cleaning. I’m getting better at it. Oh, my point, I will have to remember to post my lyrics if I already haven’t. I think I may have but my head is telling me to watch Anthony Stewart Head in Dominion then sleep. Without lost in NYC dreams please.

911d

Well would you look at that! Over 700 words, much more than I thought I had in me.

I have to thank Kate Richards and Nina Cooper, their collective words to me on Facebook healed me enough to post this. Thank you both, you are truly amazing women I am extremely Blessed to know in any capacity, this virtual world we gather in really does make miles disappear. For that I am very grateful ❤

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9112

lay me down, lay me down,
lay me down for I am weary
lay me down

will you lead me to the water
will you take me down below
will you offer me some comfort
tell me, where am I to go
will you give to me some shelter
just a place to lay my head
let me sleep the sleep of children
let me sleep till I forget

lay me down, lay me down,
lay me down for I am weary
lay me down

will you fill my soul with goodness
will you show me there is light
let me count the stars in Heaven
spirits shining in the night
will you hold my hand in your hand
lay your kiss upon my brow
tell me there will be tomorrow
that we’ll make it back somehow
911
It was the sirens that woke me up that morning 12 years ago, an otherwise beautiful day twisted into the darkest day in recent history. Nearly everyone remembers where they were September 11th, 2001, that day carved itself into my mind, a memory that won’t fade away, leaving me scarred along with the rest of America.
I live in New Jersey, just close enough to New York City to see the skyline, approximately 20 miles or so as the crow flies, and the World Trade Center was always visible everywhere in this little town I live in, like a marker or a beacon standing high and proud.
We all have our own story from that day, the initial wave of shock and confusion when the first plane hit, the sinking feeling while we watched live as the second plane hit, letting us know this was indeed an intentional strike. The worry so many of us felt wondering if our loved ones were ok. Driving down to the water where crowds of strangers gathered together in disbelief, searching for comfort and feeling helpless as we watched the Towers fall. Radios blasting out of all the cars parked near the water hearing the Pentagon was attacked. Everything about that day was surreal.
I remember clearly driving in my car, every radio station filled with panic, I don’t recall hearing any music, everyone was focused on getting whatever information we could get.
My band had rehearsal that night, none of us wanted to rehearse but we decided to get together anyway, I don’t know, maybe just to feel alive in our collective shock.
Anyway, I wrote a song that very night, the lyrics above were written as I sat on the floor of a studio, not feeling anything but shock and mourning for an act so horrid, so many people dead, so many lives changed forever…. helpless is what I felt the most, but one thing I knew for sure, the world we knew, the America we were, was forever changed.
9111
PLEASE REMEMBER, 9/11/12, WHEN 4 AMERICANS WERE MURDERED IN BENGHAZI AND STILL NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE
9112222



{August 18, 2013}   She Tried ~ My Lyrics

skate
she tried to wash away her life down the kitchen sink
she tried to make believe that yesterday she didn’t think
about the way that things could turn out tomorrow
about the way that this could all turn to sorrow

she tried to turn up the music so she couldn’t hear
she tried to open up a portal and disappear
she tried to make believe that everything was A-OK
she tried to tighten up her laces and skate away

she tried to crawl into the tv but it wouldn’t give
she tried to count how many days on earth she had to live
she tried to entertain the notion this was all a dream
she tried to finish up her lines so she could end this scene

daytime comes around too fast
she don’t know if she can last
been asleep a thousand years
the moon has crystalized her tears
hanging out in wonderland with Guinevere and Trashcan man
looking for a way to find exactly where she lost her mind
she lost her mind
goth



{July 22, 2013}   Captive Castaway ~ My Lyrics

girlonfloor
kiss me on the cheek
as you push me out the door
baby no one does it better than you
whisper i’m so sweet
as you throw me to the floor
tell me what am i supposed to do

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway

you say you like my style and you like that thing i do
a caring complication’s what i am
when you avoid my calls it only leads me to believe
that you really couldn’t give a damn

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway
nottalking
AUTHORS NOTE: I’ve been in a few bands, lead singer mostly, and I wrote a lot of songs…lyrics are just poems you sing, and i think it’s time for me to write them somewhere other than only the piles of previously blank books now filled with song lyrics, a good portion of which became songs we’d record. Anyway, I felt the need to write these lyrics here today, as I’m working on a super-not-so-secret Fiction Relay thing (I work best under pressure so I thought I’d put some pressure on myself) and I can’t split my brain in too many directions at the same time… unless maybe if I was a Doll, an Active (in Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse and if you haven’t watched the 2 seasons then go! run! get it and watch it because it’s that good) and someone could imprint my brain so I could be a cocktail of awesome, um, I uh, lost my train of thought because I can’t stop thinking about the FR and Dollhouse at the same time.
And I think what started out as just lyrics turned into something approaching rant status. So I’m gonna shut up now and go work on an exciting new writing adventure…tune in for more details to come soon. And seriously, watch Dollhouse, and sweet Cara, you made me think of these lyrics today, so thank you! xox 😀
dollhouse1



bobby1mesingingbtr
AUTHORS NOTE: So here’s another song I wrote for my band…one night we had this gig and in the middle of the set I noticed my ex was there watching me fronting my own band, just like he used to do. When he was alive I mean. We were each other’s true-love-forever for years, also each other’s first relationship and that story gets an entire book but the point is he’s been dead around ten years but he visits me from time to time still, I guess he figured he’d stop by to check it out since it was the old neighborhood and all. Anyway this song wrote itself the next day. I talk too much.
~
I feel you slip into my mind like a one-way trip to paradise
sneaking past your Mama’s room ’cause you never could take her advice
she told you I was dangerous, I was taking you for a ride
that the only thing I’d do for you was tear you up inside
ain’t it funny how it turned out

leather jacket Mustang love, we were parking by the corner bar
foggy windows concrete angels took it just a bit too far
when the cops brought down your door that night you took the fall
I guess you really meant those things you told me after all
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking down at you

insatiable an appetite habitually bored
even though I left you still I left you wanting more
“Angie” on the radio would always make you cry
I thought you really meant it when you said your last goodbye
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking down at you
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking round for you
micstand



thiswaternymph
Come with me oh come with me
i’m looking for a lover
waited many lifetimes for the touch of your embrace
oh come with me down below
down by the water, down by the water
come with me down below

Hear my voice through the night
hear my melancholy song
cast a spell upon you till your will becomes my own
listen hard and follow me
down by the water,down by the water
listen hard and follow me

Feel my mouth pressed to yours
press your warm lips to my cold lips
waited far too long to feel your breath mingle with mine
breathe on me i’ll steal your soul
down by the water, down by the water
breathe on me i’ll steal your soul

There you’ll stay you’ll stay with me
till I’ve had my fill of you
leave you all alone there with the water’s cold embrace
another lover walks the shore
down by the water, down by the water
another lover walks the shore
shore



{May 26, 2013}   Naughty Girl

naughtynice
AUTHORS NOTE~ I’ve decided to write down some of the lyrics to songs I’ve written for my band someplace other than a leather bound notebook because really it’s just poetry anyway, right?

    NAUGHTY GIRL

I’ve been a criminal, I’ve been a thief
I’ve been a robber and I caused all kinds of grief
I’ve been to Heaven’s door, I been to Hell
Been somewhere in the middle, bet you couldn’t tell

I’ve been a liar and a teller of tall tales
I stretched the truth a bit when everything else failed
Your expectations of me, much too extreme
Hard to live up to what you think that I should be

And when you think back on me, I know you will
Try to remember you were hunting for a kill
I tried that good-girl route, that ain’t no lie
revised my act after you said your first goodbye

I been a naughty girl – you know I really didn’t mean to be
A naughty little girl – you know I really didn’t try to be
I been a naughty girl – and when I ask you what you think of me
Just wish you wouldn’t be so quick to agree
naughtyangel



{May 24, 2013}   The Last Train

trainridelookingwindowwtcsunrise
Deciding to ignore my usual motion-sickness I stared out the window of the speeding train as it neared Manhattan.

It was hard not to, contrary to the unenlightened, New Jersey is full of beauty but I wasn’t looking at the passing scenery.

I was looking at The World Trade Center.

I saw it all the time in my daily travels living across the Hudson but it was different seeing it without distraction.

My mind started writing a song as my eyes locked onto the two towers rising over that already breathtaking skyline.

It was one of those all-too-rare moments when the song writes itself.
As if the song was using my hands to write the words down in the ever-present-notebook I pulled out of my bag.

I’d ridden the train into Manhattan alone many times before but I always have a book with me and I usually read.
Not looking out the windows helped keep that icky motion-sickness feeling away.

But the Twin Towers caught my eyes that morning and sparked a song in me, I saw the lyrics play out in the clouds across the sky and, well, it was magical.

It was April. I have a habit of jotting the date down on everything so I know it was 2001.

The words flew out of my fingers and I doodled, quick pen strokes in the shape of the towers surrounding the lyrics written designed to jog my memory as to the melody.
Musical chords and keys elude me so I have my own system, don’t ask.

The visual is in my head whenever I sing that song live, the Twin Towers rushing towards me on my way into the city.

That was the last train trip to NYC for me until a long time after September 11th,2001.

I don’t look out the windows anymore.
~
girlheart
Although the song has nothing to do with the World Trade Center (I did write a song about that terrible day but that’s for another post) please to indulge me as I share the lyrics to the song I wrote that day on the train.
~
dancer2

    Velveteen

dancing with her eyes closed
to a haunting lullaby
that she alone can hear

swaying back and forth
reach for the sky
she gives her love
and feels it disappear

velveteen, pretty little velveteen

black upon black
surrounds her days
and fills her nights

angel, angel baby
he took her heart, he took her heart
and then he took flight

velveteen, lonely little velveteen
velveteen, lonely little velveteen
girldance1



{May 19, 2013}   Coat Of Paint ~ Lyrics

kitkatclubmesingingmeeeeeeeeeeeerock starr
They smile and pat you on the back
and say how great you are
you light another cigarette
and wish upon a star
things always look so good on the outside
not so good on the inside

The more you give the more they want
at least that’s what I find
just can’t grasp that gold ring
why can’t anything be mine
things always look so good on the outside
not so good on the inside
gonna take much more than a coat of paint to cover up this mess
things never turn out the way you want to
at least not the way that I do
spend my days dancing with phantoms nights embrace forgetfulness

Trapped inside this cosmic joke
I can’t find the door
i’m running out of oxygen
ain’t laughing anymore
things always look so good on the outside
hurt so bad on the inside

They scream out loud they love you
and you take another bow
the silence echoes through you
but you listen anyhow

things always look so good on the outside
they hurt so bad on the inside
gonna take much more than a coat of paint to cover up this mess
things never turn out the way you want to
at least not the way that I do
spend my days dancing with phantoms nights embrace forgetfulness
things always look so good on the outside



{May 19, 2013}   Cup Of Reaction

cup
where did you come from
where do you go
what was your outcome
do you think that it shows
it’s not complicated
just hard to explain
uncalculated with a brain new refrain
the answer is easy, desire or fear
a cup of reaction with a drop of sincere

were you doing the two-step
dancing on ice
was there the usual roadblock on the way to paradise
a deer in the headlights
slam on the brakes
multilevel pileup or an icy mistake
did you swallow desire with a chaser full of fear
how ’bout a cup of reaction with a drop of sincere

so pull up a chair and let me pour you some tea
gotta couple of questions you can answer for me
they’re not complicated, when the highway is clear
when you’re going full throttle
and there’s no puppeteer
just rev up the engine and slam it in gear
and have a cup of reaction with a drop of sincere



et cetera