{December 8, 2017}   Breaking The Ice

breaking ice1

Is it possible to forget how to write?

It’s 3:42am EST as I type these words, I woke up half an hour ago and found myself unable to go back to sleep. You know how your mind switches on and no matter what you do, you can’t stop those thoughts from swirling and cluttering? It’s usually your worst fears or insecurities that seem to pop up most around those hours, I heard that 3am is the Devil’s hour, it was in some article talking about a weird phenomena where a whole bunch of people around the world wake up during the 3am hour, like the Devil has an alarm clock somewhere and it wakes up those who are susceptible.

The major flaw I find in that theory is time zones. Does everyone wake up at the same time, or does everyone wake up at 3am local time? Either Hell is full of alarm clocks all set for the same time or my mind is scrambling for something to write about.

Because it’s been a long time.

I hate to play the death card again but those of you who have followed my blog previously,you all know I had that Trifecta of Death, the domino effect that began with a hurricane acting all “I’ll huff and puff and blow your house down”, followed by the year of rebuilding, then the Trifecta of Death which was actually more like Double Digits of Death because almost my entire Family got wiped out one by one leaving me with one older brother who has no use I mean love I mean, well, he doesn’t really know me nor does he want to, one Aunt I love who lives far away and a handful of cousins, most of who live across the country, and no more Family home I worked so hard to save, which I did with the help of many, but since the sale after my Parents died, I’ve yet to drive by the house, I’m afraid I’ll break down and bawl like a baby.

I just wanted to get that out of the way, for those of you at home playing along for the first time.

So much has changed, I seem to find myself lost and aimless, the only person able to understand me is a 19 year old daughter of friends of mine. She’s me when I was 19 and the daughter I never had, only way cooler than me.

I’m doing that thing I do, ramble, babble, talk too much.

I hear that accusation a lot these days which is pretty ironic seeing as I talk to no one except my husband and his sister, we all still live in the same house, they go to work and I have no job which is all good when I’m writing but I haven’t been writing so I’ve been feeling pretty useless/worthless/all-the-less-words.

Maybe I have Stockholm Syndrome.

Hey, that’s a thing you know!

I talk to myself, my cats, an occasional few minutes on the phone with my bestie who’s life is pretty much the same as mine so our contact is more textual than vocal. I’m the girl who would talk to her Mother 5 times a day, even my Dad and deceased Brother would call me all they time but they were more like 16 times a day.

So when you’re backed against the wall you might as well give in and hope your Muse wakes up and smacks you awake. Because I’ve been sleepwalking through life and it’s time to WAKE UP!!!

Silence isn’t always golden, sometimes silence sucks.


breaking ice


Andy says:

Jo-such a lovely surprise to find you in my Reader just before the year is out, tempered by the situation you find yourself in.
I’ve never heard of the Devil’s Hour, but fuck the Devil, embrace your muse. Write. Keep talking to your friend’s daughter. Do you still sing?
It’s almost a new year, make new plans, accept old hurts. Make 2018 your year to rise again. I know these may seem like empty platitudes from someone on the other side of the world who you’ve never met, but you’ve been missed in this (virtual) world. Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy New Year, Happy all the things Andy! I’ve thought of you often and kept my head in the sand any way, here it is again, 3:59am as I type these words I just stumbled upon, trying to remember how to navigate this changed land of words. Thank you Andy, just thank you, it’s amazing the way a reach across the world from someone you’ve never officially “met” can change a person’s way of thinking, adding a smile where it’s not used to being. You’re a dear, love to you and your family! ❤ Hope to be back here more often in the upcoming new year, I've had enough of half-living.

Andy says:

Great attitude, Jo. Tether that muse and ride it all the way! Look forward to seeing new posts of yours appearing in my Reader.

catrouble says:

You have a lot more family than you know, sweet Jo. Have family here in the Midwest and since I know you won’t bring your ‘white gloves’ for critical inspections, you are always more than welcome. Oh and that Devil’s Hour thing…yea…no…just remember…we kick the Devil’s butt. 😉

Hugs and blessings…Cat

I think the last time I wore white gloves was for my First Holy Communion, I believe we’re put here to live, not suffer the white glove treatment 😀 So you have heard of the Devil’s hour thing, and you’re right, we DO kick the Devil’s butt!
thank you sweet Cat, for being Family, because that’s how it feels and drats here come those tears lol I’m going to try and write more regularly, been awake since 3am again so I poured a cup of hot sweet milky tea and came here looking for inspiration and found your comment, like a sign from God above.
You truly are Family to me in my heart, I just figured it out! Maybe my Dad’s twin didn’t die but moved to the Midwest and had a Family, part of which is you ❤ it works for me 😉
Hugs, Blessings and always, Love,
Joanne xox
PS: Darn Christmas song isn't finished yet, another few hours in the studio and it will be though, decided to do a good old fashioned 2 song recording with an A side and a B side, both Christmas/Snow related.
I could talk to you for hours ❤

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