joannebest











{February 28, 2014}   Slaying My Dragons

dragonthis
it’s funny in a way,
how you know me better than even i do,
my limits are nonexistent
when it comes to you,
you know my ins and outs
as if you studied them for countless lifetimes
when the truth is i just lay them out in front of you unaware,
there to peruse at your leisure,
it confuses me sometimes, that you know me at all when i don’t even know myself,
that whole ‘i’m-not-worthy’ thing howls through my brain
on a regular basis,
but something changed, somehow,
where a piñata overflowing with insecurities once hung between me and everything i dreamed of
you came along and smashed them all to bits, that devilish grin curving your mouth
as you shredded my fears,
murdered those sharp shiny leeches, clinging to me desperately
in an attempt to bleed me dry,
you just laughed while you slayed my dragons
refusing to take credit for reminding me how to smile’
after all, you told me, it was there all along
dragonslayer



{February 28, 2014}   deadly

beautiful, haunting, and full of imagery enough to keep me going for days…one of my most favorite poets/photographer who inspires me to never give up ❤

roadsideweeds

in the privacy
of the dark
devils’s trumpet
spreads her petals wide
flaunting glory
at the stars
dusting moths
with pollen
intoxicating dreams
lusting for bee stings
and butterflies
while her
deadly seeds
grow up drunk on
moonlight,
strung out
on dewy webs

day will find her
one yellow and purple
streaked eye closed
against morning’s
wholesome glow
her blossom closed
tight and chaste
admitting
nothing
Image

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{February 26, 2014}   Dear Diary 2/26/14

diary
Dear Diary,
I’ve been a bad, bad, very bad girl.
In more ways than one but for now lets just concentrate on one thing at a time, ok?
Me plus endless snow and constant company (aka zero privacy) equals me losing my mind.
(1 + ::: + OOOOO [0] = o_O)
Now it may not seem like a big deal to the normal person but, well, I am far from the normal person as anyone who knows me can attest. Actually, now that I think about it, even if you don’t really know me, it’s not too hard to pick up on the crazy that lives inside me nearly every moment of every day.
Hey, it’s not easy being me you know.
Ok, maybe it could be easier being me if it wasn’t smack dab in the middle of the worst winter we’ve had here in New Jersey in I don’t know how long. They say that every 20 years or so we have some kind of really horrible very bad blizzard/snowstorm/opening up of the Heavens/Mother Nature’s Fury, whatever you want to call it.
Frankly, I call it bullshit.
Because enough is enough.
The other day I realized my life has been basically one fuck-off after another for the last two years. And yeah I said fuck-off.
Actually, it’s probably longer than two years but we’ll stick with that number because it’s slightly less pathetic.
Wait. I said that wrong, it’s really been one long-non-stop-run-on-sentence-fuck-off.
And it all boils down to one thing: a stupid fucking hurricane.
Seriously, that’s the root of it all. Hurricane Irene.
Remember her?
Don’t worry, nobody else does either because Hurricane Sandy came along the following year and made Irene look like one lit match compared to a Towering Inferno.
Irene didn’t cause anywhere close to the damage Sandy did on the surface, but we were one of the unlucky ones when our house collapsed and it was all my fault.
The day Irene hit I had to open my big mouth and say something about how we always hear about people losing everything in natural disasters but thank God we never knew anyone personally who had to live through something like that.
We all know how that turned out, one collapsed house and a lifetime of memories gone in a snap.
Sorry dear diary of mine, I seem to have veered off topic, but lets face it, veering off topic is pretty much a given where I’m concerned. So in keeping with tradition, I’m about to veer.
Guess what diary? I’m going to Cape May!
I was afraid I’d never be able to go there again since it’s been my Mother/Daughter tradition forever.
How can I do it without her?
I’ll tell you how; me and my bestest friend Shawn are leaving it all behind and taking a mini-break, Thelma and Louise style, only without flying cars.
I just booked the room, coincidently the room my Mom and I usually stayed in, and even though it’s only for two nights, I figure it’s like getting my toes wet.
Another coincidence? We are going exactly one year to the day my Mom and I spent our last Cape May trip together.
I’m thinking dear diary, that perhaps this will give me some sort of closure. I’ll be bringing a bit of my Mom with me, to fulfill a promise I made to her once upon a time.
Legal or not, I will be spreading some of her ashes where she asked me to, in the Atlantic Ocean near Sunset Beach.
She said she’d haunt me forever if I don’t follow her wishes.
And since every time I’ve been to Cape May I’ve had some sort of ghostly experience, I’m not taking any chances.
It wouldn’t surprise me if I do see my Mom, or at the very least, feel her presence. In fact I hope for it.
After all, somebody pulled some strings up there to enable me to be in Cape May a year to the day since Mom and I spent our last week together. (Shut up, if I wanna believe it then I will, so there non-believers! And cut me some slack, I’m still all kinds of delicate and emotional and stuff.)
Knowing my feisty red-headed Irish Mom, she’s the string-puller; so thank you my dear Mother, you will be with me always in my heart, but it’s nice to know you’ll be coming with me one more time to our favorite place in the world.
Leaving a piece of you there in our own personal Heaven on Earth will be a comfort to me, knowing that you will be there always, just like you wanted. Oh and no worries, I’ll be joining you some day but in the meantime, don’t be a stranger.
Ok diary, signing off for now, I really should be writing other stuff. And Muse o’mine? Don’t be so hard on me, I promise I’ll make it up to you.
There’s a burst of inspiration on my horizon. Cape May always has that affect on me, and today I booked my favorite room at my favorite place in the world, The Victorian, just a stone’s throw from the beach. Truth is, it feels like home there, the owners make you feel like Family, it has the best view you could wish for, and, well, it’s magical.
I may have been MIA for awhile my dearest diary, but baby, I am (almost) back.
For the first time in a long time, I feel something I thought was gone forever; hope.
cape may sunrise

 



I’ve decided that today is Girl Crush Tuesday, at least in my head, so please enjoy a lovely snippet from my favorite Girl Crush of all, Alice sweet Alice. I’m sure you’re already following her but if you aren’t, what’cha waiting for? 😉

Alice Dark - BentAlice

“Bend over, Lilah, and grip your ankles.”

Darlene watched as the trembling young woman bent at the waist. She was a limber girl, and the blonde easily assumed the position, her long hair falling forward, like a waterfall to the wooden floor. And though Lilah had easily bent and grasped her ankles, the young woman was obviously terrified; her entire body shook as she bent forward.

“I think this time, Lilah, you have earned 12 strokes with the slipper.”

Darlene heard the young girl squeak as the punishment was announced.

“And each of those strokes,” the Mistress continued, “will be upon your bare bottom.”

“Oh no, Mistress.” They were Lilah’s first words since she and Darlene had entered the Mistress’s chambers. “Please not on my bare bottom. Please!” Though Lilah pleaded, she did not move from her position. She cried. She begged. But Lilah did not release her ankles.

Darlene…

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{February 23, 2014}   I Belong To You

dreaming
was that you last night?
(i’m sure it was)
or was it just a dream i dream too often,
(every night i dream of you)
in the middle of the night i conjure the feel of you,
(you’re burned into my soul)
you were here, inside me,
(my heart, my mind, my body, all made for you)
you moved in lock stock and barrel
(where i end and you begin is circular, and we go on endless)
somehow, that’s all i need to get through another day
(each breath i take tastes like you)
just the thought of you, the merest reminder of the way you feel
(your skin on my skin leaves me scorched)
whenever i’m near you, whether up close and personally personal
(i can feel your touch from the other side of the world)
or nothing more than a quick flash of the way your eyes look when those blue beauties lock on my bottom lip
( i tremble at the thought)
before your teeth sink down, your tongue tickles my mouth
(i smile in my sleep, and it takes me over the top)
i know it was you, you see, you are inside me always,
(and you always will be, you see, i belong to you)
dreamming



{February 15, 2014}   His Words

sadangel
She checks her phone incessantly, yet always the same result.
Nothing.
These are the hardest days, smack dab in the middle of winter without a reprieve from the bone chilling cold and never-ending snowfall.
She hurts.
Everywhere, she hurts. Her body hurts from the weather, her heart hurts from the world around her.
She feels disconnected.
Unaligned and unappreciated.
Such is her life.
She remembers the days before, when she was younger than she is now, full of hope and dreams-come-true. Before everything in her world came crashing down around her, leaving her alone to navigate the long days and longer nights. Even her dreams no longer offer her comfort, instead they are full of despair and disappointment, just a dream-version rehash of the everyday.
It’s enough to drive anyone insane.
She checks her phone again then pushes it to the side, almost out of sight but near enough to hear any notification alerts. As if the sound of an alert was a lifeline, a rescue from the sameness of each day.
She wonders if she ever crosses his mind. Hell, she wonders if she ever crosses anyone’s mind, but somehow she doubts it.
She lights another cigarette and stares at a blank page, wishing the words would come, but even they seem to have abandoned her.
Another cup of tea and still her mind is as blank as the page in front of her.
Snow continues to fall from the heavy sky, feathery flakes so big it’s like the clouds have been split open, pillow-like.
She wishes for something, but the truth is, if you asked her what she wished for, she couldn’t tell you for sure. Thoughts roil inside her mind so quickly she’s unable to get a grip on any one thing in particular, remaining passive as life continues to go on around her bubble of isolation.
She hears that sound, the one that sends a jolt low in her belly and nearly jumps out of her skin wanting to grab for the phone. Instead she forces herself to wait. Those few seconds of sweet torture never seem to last too long but she unlocks her phone fidgety, her fingers nervous, anxious for connection, even the smallest bit.
She smiles for days whenever she reads his words.
And she begins to write.
redfeather
AUTHORS NOTE: Hello my lovelies, finally defrosted this huge iceberg that had me frozen in time and space. While I did hope perhaps Matt Smith would somehow show up with his TARDIS in an effort to regain those days I lost due to wintersnowicecoldfreezingwindicefallinghardheavyandsharp accompanied by outer-net loss-age too many times to make it worth signing on most days but wonder of wonders {c’mon, ‘miracle of miracles*} that’s been repaired and a new router is getting the first day jitters because he know he’s up as the old router retires…I hear he may go down to Florida to live with my BFF so this way he remains in the family and I know my router will be loved up by someone who knows what they’re doing and bam, old router has a new home in Florida and I know he’ll be safe with my Bestie….point… no excuses, no sorries, just beyond happy that the block broke as the ice melts on the Full Moon Valentines Day…also known as ‘hey it’s good to be back home again’ because it’s true. So if I didn’t use the right words just know that I’m so happy to once again dive back into my bubble world, and that, my lovelies, is due in great part to you. If your eyes are reading these words, then know they are meant for you, the best readers a girl can have!!! Much love for reading, commenting, letting your eyes skim down a page, whatever, I have much love for each and every one of you, you keep me writing and  there is a place in my heart for you all.



{February 6, 2014}   Melt Me

melticeee
release me from this freeze,
merely the sound of your voice guides me,
steers me to the edge and i hover
lightening flash tingles electric,
a steady hum vibrates long and hard,
the hitch of my voice caught in my throat
as i gasp, caught unawares
this sweet distraction,
dances through my mind all day all night
thoughts of you somersault
bouncing off the walls, like me,
these bubble moments drift
in and out
surround me from the outside in
i surrender from the inside out
as you melt me
melticee



{February 4, 2014}   Announcing Love Spanks 2014!

We all need some heat to get us thru this horrid winter so what better way then to heat up from the inside out? I’m reblogging this reblogged post while I have the chance since my internet has been wonky for weeks. So don’t forget this coming weekend, Feb 7th thru Feb 9th, get your spank on, heat yourself up and win some awesome prizes including a Kindle Fire or Nook HD plus much steamy reading…get ready to be toasty hot, I know I am 😉



50qabouutme

Real life has been in my way lately, as well as an awful lot of no internet from this stupidly beyond cold winter, so I haven’t been around these parts too much lately, not like I don’t want to be, just lifestuff. Anyway, timing and fate led me to The War In My Brain’s blog (I suck at links, forgive me)
http://meganhasocd.com/2014/01/29/50-things-about-me-and-lots-of-chester-pics/comment-page-1/#comment-17863
where I found this fun list of 50 questions about yourself. There’s a link there to where the questions originally (I think) came from. So I thought I’d play along, and highly encourage everyone to play along. It’s a fun little way to get to know each other a little bit more, just random questions, nothing earthshattering but it was kinda cool playing along.
Here’s to a round of Getting To Know Me (a bit) in 50 Questions, so with no further ado, I present to you, Answers to 50 Questions About Me. My regularly scheduled schedule will return soon, if the winter starts to cooperate that is. In the meanwhile, why don’t you give it a go? I’d love to read your answers, plus it’s fun learning more about people, yes? I don’t know what ‘pingbacks’ or ‘trackbacks’ actually are, like, are there rules and stuff? I just want to make sure I don’t miss anyone’s answers and I think they’re all connected somehow and stop laughing at me ’cause I don’t know, I just type.
questions
1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My Mom came from an Irish Catholic family, seven siblings and as they married and had kids, every child born before me was
a boy. When I finally came along I was the first girl amongst a bunch of boy cousins (and brother) so my Mom named me after
my Grandfather Joseph and my Grandmother Anne. Middle name Bridget, was my Mom’s middle name, Grandmother’s middle name and Great-Grandmother’s name.

2.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I’ve always been a crybaby, tears would flow over anything and everything. But the last time I really cried was when my Mom
died in April. Since then, I’ve been pretty much frozen and unable to cry. I wish I could.

3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes. I went to Catholic School for eight years, back when penmanship was part of the curriculum and we were graded on
our handwriting. I’m capable of writing beautifully if I take the time, but my handwriting changes when I’m in a hurry. I’m
also able to replicate other people’s handwriting easily enough to have kept myself out of trouble when I was in school and
had to have something signed by my Mom or Dad. But I always felt guilty about it and would end up telling on myself. I mean
after enough time had passed.

4.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
If I can only pick one I have to go with thinly sliced roast beef, the bloodier the better. Add some mayo and a pinch of
salt on either a hard roll or one slice of bread lightly toasted (toasted so I slice it down the middle and poof, two
pieces of bread out of one because, carbs)and there ya go, a perfect sandwich!

5.DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No kids, just three cats; two tabby sisters- Drusilla and Anyanka, and one male Siamese Lynx Point named Mr. Big.

6.IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes I would actually, I’m kinda cool while remaining humble about it. 😉

7.DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Who? Me?? Sarcastic??? That would be a big fat yes. I’m also drawn to people who are blessed with the gift of sarcasm.

8.DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope. I had my tonsils removed when I was around two and a half years old and for some reason I still remember what I was
wearing on the way to the hospital; a blue plaid skirt and a blue fuzzy sweater. I don’t remember much more than that other
than standing up in a hospital crib/bed thingy crying and eating ice cream.

9.WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No thank you. Not unless it’s a life-saving situation but never would I jump for fun.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Captain Crunch or Sugar Pops if we’re talking cold cereal. Hot cereal would be farina or blueberry crème instant oatmeal.

11.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I rarely wear shoes with laces but when I do I usually untie the laces first, unless I’m too tired or feeling lazy.

12.DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically I’m a lot stronger than I look, emotionally, I tend to waiver depending on the situation.

13.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
If I have to pick just one I’d have to say vanilla but only if we’re talking ice cream. Breyers chocolate or Ben and Jerry’s
Cherry Garcia are right up there with vanilla.

14.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Usually their eyes, but also their general posture, as in whether or not they feel comfortable with their own damn self.

15.RED OR PINK?
Unfair! Red and pink.

16.WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My inability to stand up for myself, I am much too tolerant and have a tendency to let people get away with treating me like
garbage yet I would go through hell to stand up for others.

17.WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Without question, my Mom.

18.ANY TATTOOS?
Nope. Nothing against them but not for me.

19.DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?
Hmmm, depends on your definition of “hobbies”; I write, I read, I take photos… I guess singing in a band is sort of a
hobby, collecting Christmas ornaments is a thing, going to Cape May has always been my dictionary definition of a hobby
but now that my Mom is gone I can’t imagine going without her. Oh! I know! Collecting all things Buffy The Vampire Slayer!

20.WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
At the moment, black Uggs.

21.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Raviolis leftover from last night but I’m about to eat a gigantic Angus-burger which I’ll be lucky if I eat half of it since
it’s a half pound burger from the new burger joint down the street. It’s takeout Friday, they deliver, and I’m hankering for
a good medium/well cheeseburger.

22.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of three drunk men drifting up the stairway as they listen to recordings of their last rehearsal. Loud. Drunk.
Men.

23.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Blue. Or red. Maybe pink. Or black. Can I just go with the whole box? The large one with the most colors.

24.FAVORITE SMELLS?
The ocean, coffee(love the smell, hate the taste),autumn, snow before it falls, dirt after it rains, grass after it’s mowed,
pine trees, cinnamon, the candles my Mom used to burn.

25.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My Father.

26.MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach house all the way, contrary to popular belief, despite that damn show The Jersey Shore, the Jersey shore really is
gorgeous, beautiful, magnificent, and where I belong.

27.FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I don’t really watch sports, although I used to like watching baseball. The only thing sports related I like watching is ice
skating and maybe gymnastics sometimes but only when the Olympics are on.

28.HAIR COLOR?
Red, as red as I can possibly get it; to be fair, I was born blond and as I grew up it began to turn an auburn/brown. I just
helped make it more red. Truth? I once bleached it blond and I mean blond because I wanted to see if it was true, if
blonds really do get more attention (it’s true), then took advantage of the blond by playing with colors (blue, purple, and
other shades of red) until I got back to my original red.

29.EYE COLOR?
Varying shades of blue, sometimes almost green.

30.DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Ack! I just can’t with the whole sticking in the eye thing so I stick to glasses when I have to wear them to drive, but
usually wear sunglasses just because.

31.FAVORITE FOOD?
Hot sweet milky tea, I could live on tea. But a plate of fried scallops from The Lobster House in Cape May is Heaven on a
plate. And have you tried their chocolate peanut butter brownies with chocolate icing, a swirl of peanut buttery
crème and a peanut butter cup on top?

32.SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings. Like Joss Whedon-happy endings.

33.LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Either Much Ado About Nothing or CBGB:The Movie, I watched them both around the same time in the comfort of my bed.

34.WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue.

35.SUMMER OR WINTER?
Autumn really, but better hot than freezing so, summer.

36.HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs that turn into kisses.

37.FAVORITE DESSERT?
Chocolate mousse. No, crème brulee. Maybe cheesecake.

38.STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Umm… I’ll have to get back to you on that.

39.COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Really??? Television. On my computer.

40.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
About 3 or 4 different books because I’m a lunatic but let’s go with Up From The Grave by Jeaniene Frost because I bought it yesterday and couldn’t help myself, I’ve been waiting for this for so long I had to dive right in but I haven’t read much more than a chapter so far.

41.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Don’t use a mouse so no mouse pad.

42.FAVORITE SOUND?
The right voice saying the right things. And the ocean.

43.ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Used to be the Stones but I recently realized it’s The Beatles.

44.WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Chicago, when my younger brother graduated from boot camp.

45.DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Oh yeah…

46.WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Montclair New Jersey USA

47.WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Carteret New Jersey when I’m not in Sayreville New Jersey

48.WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
White with blue shutters.

49.WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Maroon and not my awesome dark green Cadillac and I don’t care how fast it goes or that it’s newer and makes that vroom noise I love so much and it’s sportier blah blah blah, I want my green Cadillac back! Curse you Northstar engines!!!

50.DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?
Sure, give me 50 more, this is fun!

So there you have it, 50 questions asked and answered, all about me. How ’bout you? And you? Up for it? C’mon, tell us 50 things about you. Please and thank you.
abboutme



et cetera