{December 8, 2017}   Feels Like Christmas

christmas song

FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS © ∼ A Christmas Song*

The tree’s decorated let’s drink to good cheer

It’s not complicated, it’s that time of the year

It’s in the air, it almost feels like Christmas

The snow’s gently falling, the fire is bright

The carolers calling, singing “Oh Holy Night”

It’s everywhere, it almost feels like Christmas


It feels like Christmas, when I’m next to you

You give me strength, you help me make it through

It feels like Christmas, when I’m in your arms

‘Cause your arms feel like home to me

At Christmas


The scent of the pine brings back old memories

Wonder and awe and that child-like glee

We’re home again,

When it almost feels like Christmas

Don’t want much for Christmas or the rest of the year

Just you in my arms, oh I miss you my dear

When you are here, it always feels like Christmas


It feels like Christmas when I’m next to you

you give me strength, you help me make it through

It feels like Christmas, when I’m in your arms

‘Cause your arms feel like home and there’s no place that I’d rather be

At Christmas


Feet in wool socks warming at the fireplace

*This is a new Christmas Song I wrote, it’s is currently being recorded at Trax East Studios and will hopefully be finished by December 15th, 2017. When it’s finished I will be posting it ♥



{September 11, 2015}   I Can Never Forget

9 11abb

I’m sure I’m not the only one who is having a hard time getting through another September 11th. I tried desperately to write today but found myself staring at a near blank page and clicking back and forth between writing and looking at Facebook.

Basically wasting time.

I can’t even muster up the ability to write about that day in 2001 from my perspective, but it nags at me, to post something. I can’t ignore the day without acknowledging it some way,  yet I can’t write anything today, the words are stuck in my heart because my head is filled with all the what-ifs, all the lives that were touched that day, and how there was a ripple effect that day. You didn’t have to live in New York or New Jersey or Pennsylvania or Washington DC or Boston, it doesn’t matter where you lived, the World changed that day and Innocence became a memory the instant that first plane hit the first Tower.

I dug out some of my blank books, the books I use to keep track of rehearsals and write lyrics. I also tend to doodle when there’s lead singer down time, and it just so happened we had rehearsal on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001. I wanted to cancel but in the end we decided to go to the studio and try to not think for two hours. We had a gig coming up where we had to add a few cover songs to usual original set so I had a bit of doodle time while the musicians musicianed other people’s songs.

So I decided to take a few photographs of my doodles, and the lyrics to a song I wrote that night called “Lay Me Down”, just my feelings about that day jotted down quickly in a blank book as the horrifying terrible smell was everywhere and the smoke continued to take over the sky no matter where you turned.

This year was worse for me. Don’t know why, it just was.

So I shall share some pages from journals written and doodled on Tuesday, September 11th,2001 at Stage Right Studios while our Innocence disappeared slowly, nearly unnoticed, like that tragic scent and the never-ending smoke. I never claimed to be an artist, but I just needed to share this, and hope to sleep tonight nightmare-less, unlike last night when I had one of those same nightmares where I’m lost in New York City alone in the dark.

If you click on this photo you can see a scribbled NYC skyline, the one I saw every single day.


If you click on this you can see my mental me unravel a bit, writing down words to songs my Mom sang to me when I would cry and she’d sing “Why oh why oh why oh, did I ever leave Ohio?” Neither one of us ever went to Ohio but it became our code song, kind of like clicking your ruby slippers three times or Calgon, take me away type stuff.

Just me then? [shrugs]



These are the lyrics to Lay Me Down, the song I wrote that night, the song sitting in another studio waiting for me to finish some vocals and a few other touchups. If you click on the photo I was surprised to find the words legible. Um, just me then? Either way, I believe I may have posted them previously, if not, perhaps I will.  Right this moment, this is all I can do.

I’ll get back to my WIP tomorrow after Dad Duty. How do you make an almost 89 year old ex Navy Man who was actually there on D Day let you help him? He doesn’t want my help, he wants my Mom back and so do I but that isn’t possible. So I shall visit and clean and do laundry and go food shopping, shout louder than I sing so he can hear me, and bite my tongue near in half at the way he talks to me and the fight he gives me about cleaning. He can do it himself you know. That translates into what I call Covert Cleaning. I’m getting better at it. Oh, my point, I will have to remember to post my lyrics if I already haven’t. I think I may have but my head is telling me to watch Anthony Stewart Head in Dominion then sleep. Without lost in NYC dreams please.


Well would you look at that! Over 700 words, much more than I thought I had in me.

I have to thank Kate Richards and Nina Cooper, their collective words to me on Facebook healed me enough to post this. Thank you both, you are truly amazing women I am extremely Blessed to know in any capacity, this virtual world we gather in really does make miles disappear. For that I am very grateful ❤

{May 7, 2014}   Entertain Them

It’s always loud.
Laughing talking drinking arguing bodies pressed against each other humming electric.
Sometimes they’re waiting for me.
Of course I’m not stupid enough to believe it’s just me, it’s the whole band. And it doesn’t make it easier knowing that more than half the crowd consists of far better musicians than myself.
It can be petrifying, nothing but me and a mic-stand on a stage surrounded by real musicians.
As I peek out from backstage I flash back to the day I ran out of the auditions for the high school musical because I was afraid to sing alone in front of my chorus teacher.
I see familiar faces mixed amongst strangers eyes. It’s times like these I’m glad I only wear my glasses when I drive, I figure it’s ok because I only have one bad eye. Don’t tell my eye doctor I said that.
The faces are a blur for the most part but I can tell who’s who, hell, if I squint a little I can see who’s standing at the back door smoking a cigarette outside the exit.
So I try not to squint.
It’s time. There’s no turning back. The me that hates being the center of attention, the shy girl, she’s got no say in the matter.
The me that decided it’s my life? Well I’m me, deal with it or don’t.
She’s the me that slinks onto the stage, stares them all in the eye as I spill my blood.
Here they are now entertain them.
this is my response to the daily prompt, ‘witness protection’ with this description: When you do something scary or stressful — bungee jumping, public speaking, etc. — do you prefer to be surrounded by friends or by strangers? Why? It brought to mind my still-on-hiatus band, and these words…

{December 28, 2013}   I’m Singing Again

bbtrainI’m the girl

Well here it is, after two years of not playing, tonight my band Bullet Train will be playing at The Dogs Of War Benefit.
Stage fright? Nope.
Nervous? Kinda.
Excited? Definitely!
As I said in my previous post, all money raised is going to a family affected by cancer.
btrrainme singing

Wish me luck my friends, it’s been awhile since I’ve been onstage but I know the Spirit of the Season and my Guardian Angels will be right there with me.
I wish each and every one of you could be there with me tonight but Sayreville New Jersey is a long way from where most of you live so I shall carry you all in my heart and if you don’t mind, I’ll be getting strength from you as I sing my heart out in the name of love and charity.
btraindowwme singing at a previous Dogs Of War
Anyone interested in attending can see my previous post where all the details are because I can’t get the link to work

{July 22, 2013}   Captive Castaway ~ My Lyrics

kiss me on the cheek
as you push me out the door
baby no one does it better than you
whisper i’m so sweet
as you throw me to the floor
tell me what am i supposed to do

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway

you say you like my style and you like that thing i do
a caring complication’s what i am
when you avoid my calls it only leads me to believe
that you really couldn’t give a damn

i wanna believe the things you say
the things you told me yesterday
but you know actions speak louder than words
to this captive castaway
this captive castaway
AUTHORS NOTE: I’ve been in a few bands, lead singer mostly, and I wrote a lot of songs…lyrics are just poems you sing, and i think it’s time for me to write them somewhere other than only the piles of previously blank books now filled with song lyrics, a good portion of which became songs we’d record. Anyway, I felt the need to write these lyrics here today, as I’m working on a super-not-so-secret Fiction Relay thing (I work best under pressure so I thought I’d put some pressure on myself) and I can’t split my brain in too many directions at the same time… unless maybe if I was a Doll, an Active (in Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse and if you haven’t watched the 2 seasons then go! run! get it and watch it because it’s that good) and someone could imprint my brain so I could be a cocktail of awesome, um, I uh, lost my train of thought because I can’t stop thinking about the FR and Dollhouse at the same time.
And I think what started out as just lyrics turned into something approaching rant status. So I’m gonna shut up now and go work on an exciting new writing adventure…tune in for more details to come soon. And seriously, watch Dollhouse, and sweet Cara, you made me think of these lyrics today, so thank you! xox 😀

{June 7, 2013}   Long Way From Home ~ Lyrics

AUTHORS NOTE: some of my lyrics I’ve been meaning to post since last week before i went off on a tangent…one of these days i’m gonna figure out how to upload or download or sideload or whatever kinda load is needed to get my damn songs here instead of just the words…until then, please to enjoy some lyrics from a Bullet Train song- i’m so silly i don’t even remember which cd it’s on- bad bad lead singer girl.

I’m a long way from home
and i’m tired of being alone
if someone would give me another chance
i think i could make it, if i could fake it
so Mama please won’t you make it clear
and tell me how did i wind up here
you know it’s nothing like i thought it would be
i thought that i would’ve made it without feeling jaded

Once you sat me on your knee
and told me life’s a mystery
just waiting for me to walk by
to try to keep me way down, low to the ground
so Mama please say a prayer for me
and i’m sure the good Lord will agree
that i could use all the help i could get
to get me out of this mess
here i am more or less
a long way from home
i’m a long way from home

Cough syrup and cigarettes
at three in the morning
there’s gotta be a better way to take this ride
i’m sweating inside
a long way from home
i’m a long way from home
road to cape may

AUTHORS NOTE: So here’s another song I wrote for my band…one night we had this gig and in the middle of the set I noticed my ex was there watching me fronting my own band, just like he used to do. When he was alive I mean. We were each other’s true-love-forever for years, also each other’s first relationship and that story gets an entire book but the point is he’s been dead around ten years but he visits me from time to time still, I guess he figured he’d stop by to check it out since it was the old neighborhood and all. Anyway this song wrote itself the next day. I talk too much.
I feel you slip into my mind like a one-way trip to paradise
sneaking past your Mama’s room ’cause you never could take her advice
she told you I was dangerous, I was taking you for a ride
that the only thing I’d do for you was tear you up inside
ain’t it funny how it turned out

leather jacket Mustang love, we were parking by the corner bar
foggy windows concrete angels took it just a bit too far
when the cops brought down your door that night you took the fall
I guess you really meant those things you told me after all
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking down at you

insatiable an appetite habitually bored
even though I left you still I left you wanting more
“Angie” on the radio would always make you cry
I thought you really meant it when you said your last goodbye
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking down at you
ain’t it funny how it turned out, I’m looking round for you

et cetera