joannebest











{March 10, 2016}   Either Or

depressed

Would it matter if I ran to you
legs pumping heart beating
arms open wide?

Or

Would you say you wish you made it
and then tell me that you tried
but it was out of your control?

Will my happy ever after
appear out of nowhere
the way the music told me?

Or

Will I have to crawl and beg
gobble up the crumbs thrown my way
and swallow with a smile?

When this black fog lifts
will the sun shine down on me
leading me out of this darkness?

Or

Will this black fog darken
thicken as it chokes me
laughing as it sees me crumble?

Will it matter either way?

disappearing girl1

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{March 3, 2016}   Some Times

gossamer4

sometimes
i find myself going through the motions of the everyday,
my body moves blindly,
chaos into order by rote,
kaleidoscope tunnel vision thoughts,
backwards slide into ecstacy everlasting and all i want is you,
i’m set on replay,
burned into my brain
soft landing seclusion safely centered in a bed of thorns,
momentary release echoes infinite,
comfort in an endless series of storms,
shelter from arrows dipped in poison,
invisible protection,
a gift from ancient times, when warriors were worshipped
and supple sacrifices lay willingly,
prone at worthy feet,
it’s all here,
flying through empty rooms,
dust particles in the warm afternoon sun,
blanket of invisible draped,
molded together tangled, tethered,
it stays there,
carved in flesh and bone,
a constant reminder to breathe
and sometimes I do,
translucent gossamer ties us together,
now it’s here,
now it’s there,
but the constant of this devotion remains just that,
constant,
and steady as she goes,
no hesitation,
only the wanting,
wanting you, with no expiration date
for there is no time limit for perfection,
and sometimes,
some things just are
gossamer3



{December 24, 2015}   Harder Than They Told Me

christmaswou4
well it’s Christmas Eve
but I don’t feel Christmas in my heart
oh it’s Christmas Eve and I don’t feel a thing
yeah it’s Christmas Eve
and memories keep running through my mind
yeah it’s Christmas Eve and you aren’t coming back

they told me it gets easier as the years crawl by
they said there’d come a time
when I would smile
they told me I would feel your warmth
your love surrounding me
but all I feel are teardrops in my eyes

nothing is the same since you’ve been gone
no matter how I try to get along
nothing much makes sense to me
I’m not the girl I used to be
another Christmas Eve again without you here
christmaswou3

christmaswou

for all those alone at Christmas, even if you’re surrounded by people, and for those alone wishing desperately that they weren’t… for all of us who suffered loss of any kind…. sometimes, it’s more raw than you expected and…. well, as alone as we feel, remember, we aren’t alone, even when it seems like it, but sometimes we need to wallow… shutting up now to watch Christmas movies set unrealistic expectations so we can all feel worse about our lives 😛

Merry Christmas my lovelies, you keep me writing, and while I’ve been MIA lately, I’m dipping my toes in and New Year Resolutions and all {happy dance} so try and enjoy, and I will too, a New Year and new beginnings my friends, yes?
oh, one more thing, this is being written as song lyrics and I just spit these words out a little while ago and didn’t want to forget, keep you updated on the outcome of these words 🙂

All the love from me to you ❤



{June 9, 2014}   Not Me

angels
i’m not that devil on your shoulder
masquerading as an angel,
whispering in your ear
intent on pulling you away from your self,
no, that’s not me,
i’m not that siren attempting to lure you to a slow painful death
weaving a melody leading you to destruction and regret,
on a quest to steal your soul for all eternity,
no, that’s not me,
i’m not that poisonous voice planting those misleading thoughts
in an effort to push you down till you drown,
insane clatter spinning you in circles till you can’t tell which is heaven and which is hell,
slithering through your midnight hauntings
and echoing through your day,
no, that’s not me,
buzzing in your ear
insinuating you’re tarnished,
stinging you helter-skelter, trying to smother your glow
no, that’s not me,
i’m the one with the naïve trust, full of faith,
i’m the one waiting, quietly, in the corner,
believing in my forever
angels3



{May 2, 2014}   Let The Games Begin

games3
you’re fencing again
all parry and no thrust
while i sit static,
watching life go by,
all the reasons in the world
won’t change the craving
no matter how valid,
like a vampire needs that lifeblood to live,
so i react, instant and shameless
at the slightest show of life,
but still i can’t keep up,
there was a time when i could outrun you
with my hands tied behind my back,
now the thought makes me stumble and i fall to my knees,
counting on the combined spidey-sense
to strike, friction into fire
as we let the games begin
games4



{April 29, 2014}   Once Again

girlsmoking3
once again
i find myself smoking too many cigarettes
and sipping countless cups of tea
while my mind just wanders,
for a moment i see a sign,
dust-covered and peeking through the shadows
like it’s 1967
but it disappears like smoke
before i can decipher it,
there isn’t much i can figure out these days,
my feet won’t take me in the proper direction
no matter how much my brain screams out
i rebel,
causing my own demise
as i sit here,
inactive and inattentive
while it all flows around me,
another flick of flame and i inhale
extinguishing myself
one way or another,
once again
girlsmoking2



{April 25, 2014}   Morning Minutia

morning4
it’s the morning minutia i miss most,
you and me,
a cup of tea without boundaries or barricades
and everything on the table,
nothing sacred, nothing secret,
just open roads and smooth sailing
because you never steer me wrong,
even in your absence i hear your voice in my head
letting me find my way, urging me on
to find my perfect me,
no matter where you are
there’s a certain strength you built inside me,
instinctive and innate,
connected through the blood line of the ancient ones
or maybe just a crazy happenstance,
something put me here,
now,
this way,
these days,
but lately there’s a more frequently occurring calm,
i’m beginning to trust the absence
even when the shadow-monsters whisper ‘never forever’,
this me i’m becoming is learning to banish those thoughts
designed to break me and i breathe easy,
the sound of your voice silky smooth
sliding through my mind
keeps those waiting times safe and sure
and much more bearable
morning1



{April 14, 2014}   Me Waiting

waiting2
it’s all me,
somewhere inside this mess
is me,
choking on my swallowed words
intimidated into silence reluctant
while i simmer inside
trying,
that’s not a word, you tell me,
you don’t just try, you just do,
easy for you to say is what my brain whispers,
my mouth agrees out-loud,
hoping you can’t see for miles
because my eyes always give me away,
my voice does too, sometimes,
so i hide behind silence and laughter,
a strange couple perhaps
yet they keep me from screaming out loud,
now the roads are closing, at least for awhile,
and i’m unsure how to breathe
i don’t know where the safe-zone is
in this disconnected space,
no matter how much you say it’s ok,
see, i don’t believe in much but i believe in the inevitable,
inevitably i end up in the dark,
alone and waiting
and now, more than ever, i’m always waiting
waitingg



{March 20, 2014}   Invisible Threads

entwined legs
in case you weren’t sure
wherever i am,
you surround me
interwoven threads of uncommon commonality
that sameness at the core makes it so,
see, no length of miles,
no twisted string tangled in knots in all the wrong places,
not a thing strong enough able to break this tie that binds
because i stretch,
as far as i can then further still,
and you soothe the beasts i carry,
squash them like blood-sucking mosquitos
till i’m whole again,
if i told you that you save me always
perhaps you’d think it’s just another day at the office,
because the best superheroes never tally up their saves,
but in the deepest dark,
when doubt tries to whisper your name,
remember you are embedded in me,
under my skin and branded on my flesh,
invisible strands electric, marking me yours
entwined tree



{March 11, 2014}   Emotional Rollercoaster

rollercoaster
i don’t always understand
how this rollercoaster operates,
the up and downs are expected yet
my heart grows heavier with each downward spiral
inevitably i find myself facedown, my heart in my gut
unsure if i’ll ever get up again
although i try to keep my cool
i find it’s safer to freeze,
one solid chunk of ice, never to melt
to not know the fire,
flameless and forgotten
for reasons reasonable yet mystifying
i always let myself fall when i should keep on walking
because i always know the ending, even when i’m not the author,
if i could,
i would write another ever-after,
where towers and castles combine without war
and regret does not exist
missin



et cetera