{May 15, 2015}   The First Time I Saw Jesus

I was eight years old the first time I saw Jesus.
Near the ponds, where I would ice skate whenever they froze solid enough to hold my skinny frame, there was a grove of birch trees set back a bit from the thick cluster of pine surrounding everything , as far as my young eyes could see.
He didn’t speak, at least not out loud. I don’t remember what He said inside my mind because that’s where I heard Him, that’s what it was, a mindmeld. If anyone could mindmeld, surely He could.
I only remember peace. Silent calming peace amidst the wind gusts and stinging hail mixed with small tiny snowflakes blowing sideways. My cheeks were red from the cold, my toes frozen inside my rubber boots and the thermos of hot chocolate my Mom made for me did nothing to warm my mitten-clad hands.
He did though. He glowed, surrounded by bright fluffy white clouds and I felt like I was in a grotto, straight from the pages of one of my books from Catholic School.
The wind stilled, that I remember, but the rest of it remains a dreamlike memory of an eight year old girl seeing Jesus for the first time.
I never told anyone for surely they wouldn’t believe me.
I was nine years old the first time I heard Angels sing.
It was the day Bobby Kennedy died. Too young to really understand death except to know it was bad and sad. It was my Godmother’s birthday, how could the day turn into a day of sadness?
It was hot that day and my bedroom was upstairs, an attic converted into two bedrooms, back when air conditioning was for the wealthy, not the middle class.
I lay on my bed, a big box fan aimed at me, too hot to even turn the pages of the book I was reading when I heard the Angels sing.
The sound was glorious, Heavenly, sweeter than the Church Choir I sang with every Sunday. But somehow I knew nobody else could hear it except me. I also knew, believed with all my heart, that the Angels were rejoicing as they escorted Bobby Kennedy to Heaven.
I listened to that unearthly sound and told no-one. Surely they would think I was crazy.
I was sixteen years old the first time a vampire snuck into my room.
Some friends and I were vampire hunting. We’d found a business card, slightly crumbled and worn from too many dirty footsteps walking over it as it lay on the ground, partially covered and unnoticed. A corner stuck out, catching my eye and I crouched down to slip it from the dirt. Brushing it off against my already dirty jeans I struggled to read the worn out words imprinted on the card in red. My friends gathered around me as we struggled to see what was left on the card. “Vampire” and “Club” were all we could make out, along with a partial address. Mustering up our courage, we climbed back into the old worn out van we’d been cruising around town in and drove up and down the street listed on the card. The house number wasn’t readable but the neighborhood was beautifully frightening, full of old rundown Victorian houses. Most seemed abandoned and we saw no signs indicating Vampires so we called it a night.
As I hopped out of the van, the streetlight in front of my house popped, making the dark seem darker. We laughed nervously, joking that a vampire must have followed us home to warn us away. I slipped quietly into the house, the sound of my Parents snoring assuring me my missed curfew would go unnoticed, just like the business card we found.
Sleep came quick that night, followed by the vampire. It was summertime, steamy, my skin too clammy for even a sheet. The thought of sleeping naked tempted me but I could imagine, with my luck, the house burning down and me running outside bare-assed.
I fell asleep to the sound of thunder as a summer storm blew in. The white cotton curtains rippled in the breeze and a particularly bright lightening bolt illuminated my bedroom. That’s when I saw him standing at the window. The curtains billowed around him as his eyes pierced mine, beckoning me to come to him.
I found myself sitting on my wicker chair, the loose white cotton shirt I slept in had slipped down leaving my shoulders exposed, showing the silver cross I always wore. I felt no panic, no worry, just a sense of peace as he gently lifted the cross over my head, dropping it on the floor next to me while he stroked my hair, pushing it back before his mouth came down to my neck.
The following morning I awoke in my bed, drained, fatigued, the memory of a vampire in my room vivid, clear, and undeniably real. I checked my neck for any sign of vampire fangs but there was nothing. Although I did notice my cross was no longer around my neck but puddled on the floor next to the white wicker chair I’d been sitting on.

I told no one for surely they would tell me I was only dreaming. The fatigue I felt, the cross on the floor, they told me it was true but I kept quiet.
I was eighteen the first time I saw a flying saucer.
Four of us were driving home from a Patti Smith concert in Manhattan, it was New Years Eve but we were all stone cold sober. The roads were empty as it neared the midnight hour and as we drove over the Edison Bridge we saw it. Rising from the Raritan Bay, a round object, approximately the size of a station wagon flew slowly out of the water, red and white lights caused the water dripping from the object to look like falling flames.
We were young and fearless, opening the windows and shouting “take us with you!” as we laughed but we knew what we saw. It was real and seemed to follow us. We drove through Sayreville and parked the car near Major’s Pond, the object still hovering over us.
I don’t remember anything else, just the four of us standing outside the car watching an Unidentified Flying Object rising higher and higher until it disappeared. None of us remember exiting the car, none of us remember how long we stood there, and none of us, to this day, talk about it.
Surely no one would believe us, we were just kids, crazy punk rockers. They would think we must have been drinking or doing drugs, neither of which was true. Yet we knew we wouldn’t be believed and to my knowledge, I’m the only one willing to discuss it.
I was in my forties the second time I saw another UFO, this time though, it wasn’t just me and a handful of friends who saw it, but the whole town, including a priest, some policeman, as well as hundreds of cars filled with people who pulled over on the New Jersey Turnpike to watch the majestic sight slowly moving in formation, low to the ground.
It was silent as it flew overhead, no crickets chirping, no buzzing of the usually ever-present mosquitos, none of the usual summer night sounds and all plane traffic was non-existent, an unusual occurrence in itself as I live a few miles away from Newark International Airport.
We stood outside on the pool deck, watching the slow glide until it reached a certain point, where it slowly disappeared, what looked like a falling trail of glitter fading as it left our field of vision.
Although we did tell other people about it, and watched and read news stories about it, there were still some doubters who surely thought we were crazy.
It was just a few years later the first time I saw a ghost.
In Cape May, known as one of the most haunted towns in New Jersey, my Mother and I were on one of our many Mother/Daughter getaways when it happened.
My memory is unclear and hazy, but my Mother woke up when she heard me talking to someone. “Don’t you see them?” I asked her. I pointed at them, two little children, a boy and a girl, both of them beckoning to me, encouraging me to follow them. Mom had heard me open the door and got up, pulling me back into the room when she found me leaning over the third story railing trying to reach them, to touch them, to follow them. She put me back to bed, as she did when I was a child and we talked about it in the morning over pancakes at Uncle Bills Pancake House. She saw nothing, but she believed me, she believed I saw two ghosts even though she didn’t see them herself.
But I told nobody else, surely they would insist I was in a dream-state, or I was sleepwalking, or it was just my overactive imagination.
The last time I saw my Mother she was in the ICU and it was her eighty-forth Birthday. We celebrated in her room with an imaginary candle in her lemon-ice. She told me about the dream she’d had, where she walked into a room and saw my Grandmother and two of her sisters, all deceased. One of her sisters asked her “what are you doing here? you don’t belong here yet”. My heart sank when she described her dream and we laughed it off, “yeah, that sounds like Aunt Jeananne” I said, “she’s just telling you it’s not your time yet.”
The hospital released her the next day, sending her to a rehabilitation center for her broken shoulder.
The following morning I was woken up from a deep sleep when the phone rang. It was a few minutes after five in the morning and they called to tell me my Mother was gone. I argued they were wrong, mistaken, my Mother wouldn’t leave me without saying goodbye.
Unfortunately, I was wrong and she did leave me without saying goodbye.
I like to think that day was the first time my Mother saw Jesus.
I like to think she watches over me, sees how much I miss her, how difficult it is for me to move on without her in my life.
I like to think the next time I see Jesus, He will be standing with my Mother, welcoming me home because home is where the heart is and my heart is always with my Mother.
And I don’t care what anyone thinks, because surely I will see her again, and all of this, this life I walk through each day yearning for invisibles will fade away as I move on to something bigger, something better, something understandable that will allow me to forget the forgettable, and instead, finally, I will be able to breathe easy once again.
meeting in heaven2


AUTHORS NOTE: Lizzie is kinda pissed James didn’t mention he had a twin brother…ooops
“Huh? What are you talking about? What do you mean you haven’t heard from James?”
“Sweetheart I’d be glad to answer all your questions but do you think you can ease up a bit with the knife?”
He looked so much like his brother I was finding it hard to tear my eyes away from his face.
“I’ve already been circumcised luv but I’d be happy to show you if you don’t believe me.” His James-blue eyes were filled with laughter which did nothing but piss me off more than I already was.
“You’re disgusting,” I hissed as I punched him in the face one more time, only not as hard as I did before. His stupid James-face was making the punching part less fun than it should have been.
Then I remembered the way he imitated James before and I wanted to stake him. But I punched him again instead.
“What the fuck was that all about before? Why the asshole act?”
My ego was still stinging from his insulting behavior before. I was also more than a little pissed off at James for neglecting to mention his brother was not only a vampire but his identical twin. My life was a bad soap opera.
“We can stay like this as long as you want luv, happy to be on the bottom but if you keep wiggling around like that don’t blame me if I flip you over and- owww!”
I was so infuriated I forgot I was straddling him and it was becoming apparent that he and James were identical, at least physically.
“Stop being a pig and what do you mean you don’t know where James is? And,” I waved my knife in the general direction of his James-face enjoying his barely discernible discomfort. “Don’t think you’re gonna get away with that little scene before either.”
“I-” he began.
“Shut up. Where is your brother?”
“Don’t “you” me!”
I could hear myself making no sense and screeching like a harpy.
Still sitting on top of what looked like James, who always made me melt.
I punched him again.
There’s nothing I hate more than stereotypical bullshit and there I was, a walking talking cliché.
Make that a straddling cat-got-my-tongue cliché.
He wasn’t helping by finding this funny.
“What are you laughing at?” I try to sneer but can’t quite pull it off. He is as exasperating as James can be, and I was beginning to see the resemblance might be more than physical.
I gave myself a mental mind shake and pushed off of him, it was becoming evident that he was enjoying me pinning him down a little more than he should have been.
“You’re an asshole,” I said matter of factly.
He was chuckling as he stood up. Brushing off his jeans he stood next to me, James-height and all.
“Sweetheart, the look on your face was priceless.”
The more he laughed the more I fumed.
“Oh shut up,” I shoved him and he tried to hide his smirk.
“What the fuck is going on and where’s your brother? I mean your twin brother! He is so dead!” I hate when I yell. “You’re dead too!” I poke him in the chest for emphasis. It’s just as toned as James- argh what was I thinking?
“We already are luv, you know, undead and all that,” he taps his head as if to infer I’m an idiot.
“You sure are a feisty little thing Elizabeth, James neglected to mention that,” he frowned.
When did James mention me? They were barely on speaking terms far as I knew.
“What’s your name anyway? James ‘neglected to mention that’ to me,” I snapped.
I was embarrassed, pissed off and I had to pee.
“You know what? I don’t even care what your name is right now. I’m sick of the lot of you… James is always disappearing and being all mysterious and you! You’re a dick and don’t fucking laugh at me and fuck you I’m going home.”
“Liam,” he called after my retreating form. “My name is Liam, and I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
I started laughing, hard. I couldn’t stop. You know that laugh you get at inappropriate times and you can’t stop no matter what? It was that.
I was doubled over holding my stomach, laughing at the ridiculously stupid that is my unlife.
“What? It’s short for William,” his voice was part confusion, part soothing as if he was dealing with a crazy person.
That made me laugh harder and Liam looked like he was about to bolt and I snapped out of it.
I cleared my throat as if I was having a coughing fit and wondered when my life turned into an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
lizziepto be continued…

Keeping myself busy while James was gone kinda sucked, no pun intended.
I was bemoaning his absence to myself because everyone else was sick and tired of hearing me whine about it out loud. Even I was getting sick of hearing me talk about him, I was making my own damn self cranky.
“Fuck this,” I said to my reflection as I applied a coat of Chanel red to my pouting mouth. That whole vampires-have-no-reflection thing was really nothing more than a parlor trick we used when it came in handy. I mean really, how the hell else would we put on makeup without a mirror?
“I’m out of here Rupert. I’ll be back before dawn.” Rupert, as usual, ignored me as he continued licking his paws. He really needed his nails cut but I refused to get him declawed; his nails were his protection whenever he snuck out, declawing my cat would be no different than me being defanged.
It was a beautiful fall night, the moon was half full surrounded by a sky full of stars, the temperature just chilly enough to wear my new favorite leather jacket. I do look good in red.
I decided to walk to the bar, it was just a few blocks away and I was hoping the walk would cool me down because I was nearing the point of fuming. I mean I get it, I understand that James has obligations, it comes with the title of Master Vampire but he’s been gone a little too long for my liking.
I miss him so much.
As I turned the corner I saw him. Leaning back against the cold brick wall we’d leaned against so many times, one hand in his front pocket, the other hand cupped around a cigarette.
“James! You’re back!” I couldn’t contain my excitement, my whole world changed when I was anywhere around him so I jumped up into his arms.
Only problem was he didn’t hold his arms out to catch me and I landed hard on my ass.
“Oh Elizabeth, you make it so easy to fuck with you,” he was laughing at me and if there is one think that drives me crazy is when someone laughs at me. But James?
“Come on Lizzie, I know you’re a little slow on the uptake but what’s it going to take to penetrate that empty head of yours?” He took one last drag of his cigarette then flicked it near me. “Let me say this in words you can understand, leave me the fuck alone.”
Without waiting for an answer James turned his back on me and walked away.
“James?” I tried calling after him but nothing came out. He’d shocked me into silence.
I stood frozen in shock. This made no sense.
Something was off. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there was no way in hell James would speak to me like this.
Even at his worst, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, not my James.
As I watched him walk away from me, crossing the street into the cemetery I replayed the scene in my head. He’d been gone before but he always came back and we always-
“Wait a minute,” I mumbled. “That son of a bitch! I’m going to kill him.”
I tore after him hoping I could keep my temper in check long enough to find out where James was before I kicked his twin brother’s undead ass.
Of course they were identical because my life was turning into one big cliché. Unlife. Whatever.
My mind was churning as I dashed after him wondering why James neglected to mention his brother was his twin brother.
I didn’t take kindly to being made to look the fool but trying to pass himself off as the dick-version of James really pissed me off.
He was so cocky as he walked away he didn’t even notice me until he was flat on his back.
I have to admit the sound of his head bouncing off the ground gave me more pleasure than it should have.
Grabbing him by the collar as I straddled him to hold him down, I leaned into his face , I couldn’t believe how much he looked like James. Speaking of…
“Where’s your brother you fucking asshole?”
I was pissed. Anger is a good strength multiplier, as much as he struggled he couldn’t get loose from my grip.
“Lizzie, come on, calm down! I was joking, lighten up!” He was laughing again, bad for him.
I had caught him off guard when I first dove at him out of the darkness but it was the knife I held to his throat more than me holding him down. I pulled back a little, blade with me, and punched him in the mouth with my other hand.
“Ow!” He was still laughing and I was not happy. “Knock it off Liz, I was just fooling around!”
“First of all, fuck you,” I said calmly. “Second of all,” I punched him again. “And thirdly, where’s your brother?”
He looked at me like I was nuts as my knife was now perilously near his own.
“Hey! Watch where you’re pointing that thing! And what are you talking about?”
The last shred of control I had over my temper was about to snap.
You called him for help, what was it this time? What did you do now? You know he always comes running to your rescue whenever you call him to get you out of your latest mess, grow the fuck up already!”
I gave him the glariest glare I could muster. “Now where is he?”
James’s face stared at me, pale and serious, but it was his twin brother’s voice that came out of his mouth.
“Lizzie, I didn’t call James. That’s why I’m here, I can’t get in touch with him.”
AUTHORS NOTE: Lizzie and James have been working undercover, I was inspired today by my deliciously evil muse Alice, so here is, as Alice says a “fragment”…because Muses know special things…

AUTHORS NOTE:This is part of the James and Lizzie Vampire Story,in which I am slowly introducing some new characters who will become important to the story, but for now, just a little tease…
There was a perfect symmetry to them.
The way they unconsciously mirrored each other, gestures, phrases, even the way they laughed together seemed like a well-worn routine.
There was something so comfortable and at ease about the two of them, I wondered if they knew.

My band plays a lot at the local watering hole, it was a regular blue-collar shot and beer joint before James took it over and turned it into a place where original bands could play without having to jump on the Pay To Play treadmill like most clubs.
It was a rare thing, a place to play with a built in crowd who appreciated original music instead of a jukebox with eight legs cranking out cover songs. James was making money hand over fist and the local music scene kept thriving.
There’s a lot of observation time when your band is playing the last set of the night, especially when you’re not much of a drinker. I spent many a night in a dark corner with a notebook and a pen in case inspiration struck, but mostly I just watched.
I love people-watching.
I’d make up intricate backstories in my mind and as the night went on and people drank more, letting down their guard, the stories I’d write in my head got more and more interesting.
And my appetite grew to the point where I was afraid my tummy rumbles were louder than the bands.
We had a strict policy though, no feeding on the patrons.
Of course that was just another stupid rule James decided we needed to adhere to.
I knew it made sense, at least I pretended it made sense but my body told me otherwise. And for some reason I can’t understand, I want to break every damn rule James has.
My rebellious tendencies keep getting worse due to all the sex I’m not having but yet again, another James Rule, none of
the fun stuff till he thinks I’m ready to graduate from vampire 101.
The other night, when I asked him who died and made him the boss of me, he raised an eyebrow before he answered.
“Do I have to remind you Lizzie, that you died and made me the boss of you?”
It’s times like these when I wish James wasn’t already undead so I could kill him myself.

I still had a good hour to wait before my band was up so I headed outside to my usual smoking spot to burn some time.
You’d be surprised how much you can learn about people when you’re leaning against a brick wall having a smoke, my heightened sense of hearing didn’t hurt either.
In other words, I knew all the gossip that everyone thought was private but at least I’ve always been good at keeping my mouth shut.
They were outside too, the two I’d been watching, both of them leaning against the wall themselves but they didn’t see me there and like I said, you learn a lot just standing around inconspicuously.
I don’t know why I was so fascinated with these two. There was just something about the way they sparked off each other. They were married, only not to each other, and I knew that both of their marriages were shit.
Neither one of them ever said those words, at least not in my presence, there were just bits and pieces I picked up over time and began weaving them together .
There was just something about them that I couldn’t ignore. Maybe I read too much, maybe I have an overactive imagination or maybe I’m just plain nosy but I started making a movie up in my head starring the two of them.
Ok I admit it, I get bored waiting for my band to go on, in fact half the time I don’t even care if I play or not, I’m a reluctant rock star but that’s another story. This is about them, these two beautiful humans who seem to glow whenever they’re in each other’s orbit.

See, I’d pay attention to them, watch their body language.
I started noticing that when they were on-stage themselves, singing in their respective bands, there was a subtle familiarity to their lyrics, as if they were playing off each other. I’d seen both of their bands hundreds of times and since I write my own lyrics I listen hard to other band’s lyrics and there was a definite connection between these two.
Maybe it was just my over-active imagination looking for evidence to support my mental movie.
I had this whole George Harrison/Patti Boyd/Eric Clapton thing going on in my head.
One night recently somebody dropped a dollar in the jukebox and the unmistakable opening riff to Layla filled the room as they were standing directly in front of the sound booth where I was hanging out with James. They weren’t alone, they were laughing with a small group of friends.
But there was this one moment I caught, I saw their eyes meet lit with laughter the way friends tend to do, but there was something different in their eyes, an unmistakable change that told me my suspicions were right on target.
I could almost see the electricity flowing between them, they hum and glow whenever they’re in each other’s orbit.
I wonder if they finally figured out they’re in love with each other.
to be continued…

AUTHORS NOTE: I’m sorry, I had to use Buffy and Spike photo thingys with these words because, umm, because, ok,  for no other reason than I was just watching Buffy and look at all the pretty! Besides, Lizzie and James told me to do it. Now on with the show.

“Lizzie,” he warned.
James stopped my roaming hands and quickly twisted me around so he was standing behind me.
He wasn’t making it any easier for either one of us, the curve of my ass was now pressed against the unmistakably hard evidence that belied his expressed desire to behave.
I was calling bullshit on this whole no-sex thing, at least in my head.
It made no sense to me.
He had that tone in his voice, the one that tells me common sense was ruling his actions.
Sometimes I really hate when he lets common sense rule.
It’s no fun and gets in my way more than I’d prefer.
Stupid common sense.
I lean toward the thin side of the scale, James needed only one hand to hold onto my skinny wrists.
His other arm was wrapped loosely around my shoulders and for a brief second I allowed myself to lean back and relax against him. I had half a mind to torment him with a little wiggle or two but I’d be tormenting myself just as much.
Stupid, stupid common sense.
At times like this, when it’s just me and James and nobody else around, it’s easy for me to block out the rest of the world and pretend we were just two consenting adults about to fuck our brains out normal people with normal human problems.
No hiding from daylight, no weird dietary concerns, no-one kidnapping our loved ones, nobody trying to kill us… damn, this whole vampire thing was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
“I told you it wasn’t gonna be easy hon,” James spoke into my ear sending a shiver down my spine I did my best to ignore.
Realizing I’d spoken out-loud about my difficulty adjusting, I tried to slip out of his arms. I didn’t want him to know I was feeling all weak and girly so my first instinct was to bolt.
But James just tightened his grip and pulled me closer against his body.
We’re just about equal in height so all the good bits lined up perfectly.
There was a certain satisfaction knowing his self-control didn’t apply to every part of his body and I couldn’t help myself, I gave in to my impulse.
Surely one little wiggle couldn’t hurt.
I was wrong, it hurt in all the right ways when I heard that little groan he couldn’t disguise.
This was one of the times I was glad I didn’t have a heartbeat to give me away because it would be racing right about now.
My senses had heightened significantly since James turned me, the low rumble of his voice in my ear combined with the smell of him was about to make me dissolve into a puddle right where we stood.
This was bad. Really bad.
Trying to distract him with sex was backfiring, he was getting all kinds of nice and concerned about me which was the last thing I needed.
I didn’t need nice, I needed distraction before I broke down and started blubbering like a baby.
Why couldn’t he just shut up and fuck me so I could stop thinking?
When his arm clenched tight around me and he let out another growl, I realized I said that out-loud too.
to be continued

biting cherry
I was tossing back a shot of Captain Morgan when James walked in.
A shiver raced through my body and I attributed it to the spicy rum sliding down my throat.
I’m sure it had nothing to do with his scent, which was presently tickling my nose.
I sneezed.
“Bless you.”
James slid the empty bar-stool beside me closer to the bar and leaned over, grabbing a bottle of beer as if he owned the place.
Oh yeah, that’s right, he did.
The club was empty right now, it was after hours and everything was shut down for the night.
It was just the two of us, a rarity these days and something my girl-parts were dying to take advantage of. Most of those vampire myths I’d heard before I became one were, for a large part, myths and nothing more, but my enhanced senses were going crazy at the nearness of James. He made me squirmy.
I turned toward him raising an eyebrow in his direction.
“What?” James brought the bottle to his mouth.
My eyes fixed on his throat as he swallowed his beer.
“Is it wrong that I want to sink my teeth deep into your neck?” I asked with feigned innocence.
He sputtered for half a second then recovered, sending me a dirty look in return.
I was still annoyed with him and his all-too-frequent disappearing acts. He’d turned my life upside down and this damn steady diet of blood was really making me cranky.
I missed food. Sure I could eat anything I wanted but nothing quelled my hunger except blood. Particularly if said blood belonged to James.
Food wasn’t the only thing I missed but James had recently issued a strict hands-off policy until I got this whole vampire-thing down.
And that was a huge bone of contention between us.
The only bone between us, I might add, and it was driving me insane. I don’t know what pissed me off more, the fact that he thought abstinence was gonna somehow make me a ‘better’ vampire or the fact that it didn’t appear to be bothering him at all.
Because it was bothering me a real fucking lot.
Damn, his scent was driving me crazy!
“You’re unfair and a tease,” I muttered knowing full well he’d hear me. “Pussy.”
James slammed the now-empty beer bottle on the bar and grabbed my barstool spinning me so fast I practically flew into his lap.
His hands grabbed my arms to steady me but his strong legs held me as captive as the stare he gave me.
“What is your problem Lizzie?” He spit the words out one by one, the fire in his eyes belying his tone of voice. “You know it has to be this way for now. It has to be. For now.”
We had been nit-picking each other to death lately, and we both knew it was his stupid no-sex rule driving us nuts.
He had this new stupid idea that sex would somehow get in the way of his self-appointed mentoring. Which makes absolutely zero sense to me and to make it even worse he refuses to tell me the whys.
All he tells me is, since he is my mentor, we have to try and keep our attraction on ice until I mastered Vampire 101. Some kind of malarkey about Rules and Blood Lines and some bullshit about how fucking each others brains out could possibly jeopardize some ancient power struggle family thing, none of which sank in because I wasn’t paying attention, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his fleshy bottom lip and the way his mouth moved when he said certain words.
“Lizzie? Are you even listening to me?”
His voice was a mix of exasperation, affection, and that ever-present husky growl.
In other words, he sounded like pure sex.
I let out a loud sigh. This sucked. I can’t see this hands-off policy lasting too long but apparently I had no choice.
Time to put on my big girl panties if I ever wanted James to rip them off again. Time to suck it up. Knock off the sulk and whine. Learn that poem and get this how-to stuff out of the way so we could get back to the fun bits again.
Later, when I looked back at this moment, I could only blame myself for everything that followed. If only I’d listened to that uneasy voice whispering in my ear that something was off, we could have avoided a lot of trouble.
Instead I resolved to get with the schooling so we could move on to the extracurricular activities.
Despite my best intentions, I still had a hard time tearing my eyes away from his mouth.

AUTHORS NOTE: James and Lizzie, well, mostly Lizzie, won’t shut up. They know there’s an apocalypse going on over by the Tower and they still won’t shut up. My Muse is also getting annoyed and an angry muse can get ugly. Don’t even ask about Persephone, the wrath of Gods and all that. So please to enjoy a little Lizzie and James while the rest of them duke it out in my overcrowded head.
The night my band almost played at a strip club was the same night James sank his teeth into my heart.
Metaphorically speaking that is.
It was silly really, but there was something about his chivalrous ways that kicked my girl-genes into high gear.
My band was scheduled to go on around 11pm but load-in was a few hours earlier and I found myself standing alone in a parking lot filled with bikers just as the sun set.
The room we were playing in was very small and confining. From the amount of cat-calls I  got just walking through the parking lot, I knew the potential for trouble was getting more likely as the night went on.
The guys in my band had planted themselves at the bar, each of them with a thick pile of dollars for the dancers, each of them telling me not to go outside by myself. Of course this only had me out the door faster. They wouldn’t even notice I was gone, tequila shots and strippers would ensure that.
I had to elbow my way through a small crowd of self proclaimed bad-ass bikers congregated at the bottom of the stairs leading to the parking lot in the back. I bit my lip to stop myself from telling them to fuck off as they leered at me. There’s a building full of naked women but these assholes decided to target fully dressed me.
Fully dressed in head to toe leather and I was having a good hair day but still, they pissed me off. The smelled rank, for one thing. This enhanced smelly vampire thing sucked sometimes.
I took a deep unnecessary breath and ignored them by way of fidgeting with my cigarette case, stopping a few feet away from the herd to light a smoke. Before I could even flick my bic an unfamiliar male voice called after me.
“Hey babe, want some of this?”
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned incredulous at the lameness that fell out of his mouth. Then the wannabe biker grabbed himself between his legs as he licked his lips. His wannabe friends fell into pack mentality and followed his lead, laughing and wolf whistling at me.
Without a word I calmly slipped my cigarette case in the back pocket of my black leather pants and walked toward dickwad and his lame ass crew.
Fuck this.
I was pissed at my band for heading straight for the strippers when we still hadn’t written up the set list. And would it kill them to act the least bit concerned about my safety in a seedy strip club? They don’t know I’m a vampire, it’s not like they know I don’t punch like a girl. And doesn’t anyone have any manners anymore?
Yeah, I was working myself up into a fury and I could not in any way shape or form, stop myself.
I was gonna hit him.
This fucking asshole was about to take the fall for every little thing that pissed me off lately. My point of vision narrowed as I stared him down, step by step I clenched and unclenched my fists, wondering if I should go with a solid kick but my fists were tingling and wanted in.
Instinct took over and I swung hard, connecting. Unfortunately James chose that instant to step out of the shadows and come to my rescue.
That’s how I wound up punching James in the mouth.
The chivalrous part, the part where my girl-genes kicked into overdrive, that part came next.
I didn’t even care that my band got kicked out of the bar before we even played. James more than made up for it in the equipment room at his club later that night.

Lately James doesn’t seem to want to go out hunting with me.
I have a theory or two but it boils down to the same thing; James-less hunting isn’t nearly as satisfying as James-filled hunting.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not normally jealous when it comes to James.  I know he has a lot going on between the club and some mysterious ‘family business’, whatever the hell that means, but come on, give a girl a break already. I’m newly sired and want need James to fuck my brains out explain all this vampire stuff to me.

The last time we went out hunting together we came dangerously close to getting caught.
We’d just shared a rather satisfying meal in the woods behind the school near his club leaving us both pretty wired. We caught a would-be burglar about to break into one of the nicer houses in the neighborhood. For the most part we have a no-kill policy, we prefer the catch and release way of doing things, kinda like fishing.
Some nights were better than others and this particular night had me buzzing. Adrenaline leaves a lovely aftertaste but it also gets me all revved up.
It was still early. I didn’t want to go home yet and I really didn’t want to go to the club.
The barmaid working that night was a nosy bitch with too much time on her hands and I wasn’t in the mood to see her big bouncy boobs flopping out of sync all over the place. It wasn’t a pretty sight and did nothing to increase her tips. I have good instincts and something about her exuded evil. I didn’t trust her one bit but it wasn’t my club, as she liked to remind me whenever James wasn’t around.
She was potential trouble and she hated me because she wanted James. Whatever.

Anyway we sat in my car with the heat running. Even though we just fed I was shivering and it wasn’t just the chill in the air that caused it.
James had the passenger seat reclined and my head was in his lap with my feet pressed against the drivers side window.
Believe me, it was a lot more innocent than it sounds.
If it was up to me I’d have James way more than halfway to happy-land instead of discussing the finer points of HR Puffinstuff but he had places to be that didn’t include me.
Master Vampire stuff he said.
“What, are there Master Vampire meetings or something? What’s with all the secret cloak and dagger stuff anyway,” I mumbled around a mouthful of James.
“Lizzie do you ever stop talking?” He chided.
His finger was in my mouth running over my slightly protruding fangs trying to figure out why they weren’t retracting all the way when out of nowhere we were surrounded by three police cars. The unexpected brief shriek of the siren startled me and I bit down, drawing blood.
Oh man he tasted good.
There were lights everywhere and we both jumped up, guilt written all over our faces.
“License and registration ma’am.”
The cop was stone-faced as I turned on the tears and started to babble excuses.
We should have known better.
Parking in a school zone was asking for trouble. And seriously, I really didn’t want to have to eat six cops because of my uncontrollable hunger.

“Step out of the vehicle sir.”
A blonde baby-faced cop was shining a flashlight into my car as he politely told James to get out.
My hands shook as I rummaged through my leather bag looking for my drivers license. I don’t know why but cops always scared the hell out of me when I was alive and they still did now that I was dead. You’d think the vampire thing would have gotten rid of that pesky little fear.
After what seemed like hours of fumbling, I handed my drivers license to Officer Baby-Face with what I hoped passed for an I’m-totally-innocent-of-any-wrongdoings smile which more likely resembled a grimace of terror.
Mentally, I thanked the DMV for their 6-year renewal option while the cop gave it a cursory glance.
I’m gonna have to ask James how vampires renew their photo ID’s, those fluorescent lights were hell on my complexion when I was human, they must be a nightmare for vampires.

“What are you two doing parked in a school zone?”
There were 2 cops on either side of the car. 2 more leaned against one of the patrol-cars blocking us in.
My non-heart was non-pounding.
I wondered if James was gonna go all vampire-crazy on them.

His finger was still dripping blood.
My tongue snuck out to make sure there weren’t any tell-tale drops on my lips.
His scent was driving me crazy.

My mouth was watering and there was a passed-out would-be burglar in the woods behind us. James literally had blood on his hands and men with guns had us surrounded.
This couldn’t end well.

I have no idea what was said but a few minutes later the boys-in-blue were walking away apologizing profusely for interrupting us.
As they drove away James backed me against the hood of my car and reached out, his still-bleeding finger sliding along my parted lips.
“James what did you-” My words stopped when he slipped his finger into my mouth.
Oh man he tastes good!

“You bit me,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
I swallowed audibly as the taste of James slid down my throat.
He wasn’t going to tell me what kind of vampire trick he pulled on the cops. He’s a secretive son of a bitch.
As my tongue flicked out to catch another drop of his blood I realized I didn’t really care.


AUTHORS NOTE: Fanfiction isn’t my usual forte but I’m making an exception here just because.
But when I’m headed toward this place I’m trying to avoid aka Depression Land nothing makes me feel better than the BuffyVerse. I wrote a little ditty that falls under the heading of fanfiction, a little longer than a drabble, anyway I decided to dig it up, dust it off and play with it a bit, for the love of Buffy and for my own sanity’s sake. This is a little peek into what Buffy’s up to in the beginning of Season Nine (the canon comic continuation of the television show, written by the same writers). Anything that might appear spoilery may or may not be because, fanfic and comics, not show, difference yes? No? Possibly? Also I own nothing at all because Joss Whedon owns everything that matters in the whole wide world,Buffy and the Scoobies belong to him, I’m just playing in his backyard. A little.
She spends a lot of time on the fire escape these days.
The apartment always feels crowded, and the fire escape is the only place she can be alone with her thoughts.
She knows they’re lucky they found an affordable place to live in San Francisco and she’s grateful for the company, especially when she wakes up screaming. But lately she feels like a third-wheel.
“Don’t be stupid Buffy, it’s not like Xander and me can’t keep our hands off each other.” Dawn voice floated around stacks of books and boxes yet to be unpacked. Junior Watcher little sis was way past the Junior level.
“Xander and I,” Buffy automatically corrected, “and stupid-Buffy is the only Buffy I’ve been lately Dawnie.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself Buff, you’ve been stupid-Buffy for way longer than lately.” Dawn snickered. “Look how long it took you to figure out Xander and me’ve been making hot monkey-love.”
“I’m still older than you Dawn, stop rubbing my lack-of-sex-life in my face.”
“I’m still taller than you Buffy, stop rubbing my- wait… I’m so not even going to try and finish that sentence. I sense a gigantic ewww down that road.”
Dawn leaned over Buffy, slumped down on the couch that served as her bed. Dawn kissed the top of her head and Buffy tried to muster up something, anything, as she continued to stare at the television.
“Hey Buff, I hear the tv works better if you turn it on. Just sayin’.”
Dawn sighed. She hated seeing her sister so down, it worried her.
Not in an I-hope-my-sister-doesn’t-try-to-kill-all-our-friends worried way, but still, a little on the worried side of the road.
If only Willow would come back from wherever the hell she went this time.
“G’night sis,” Dawn leaned into Buffy and hugged her tighter than usual. “I’m off to make hot monkey-lo-”
“Go!” Buffy rolled her eyes at her sister’s attempts to make her laugh and gave Dawn a gentle push towards the bedroom.
“Give Xander a goodnight kiss for me,” she joked.
Dawn looked over her shoulder with narrowed eyes and tripped over a stack of research books she’d been unpacking earlier, landing flat on her ass. A mumbled “Owww!”  followed by a stomp into the bedroom where Xander was probably already asleep by now.
“Great, my annoying sister gets the guy and I get the fire escape. Same shit different city. And still Buffy remains in a perpetual state of love-lifelessness.
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Same as it ever was.
“Hot chicks with superpowers my ass,” Buffy muttered as she tried to ignore the rush of Faith-feelings and all they entailed.

Everything was so bloody complicated and fuck you Spike for giving me potty mouth, she thought to herself.
Sighing, Buffy grabbed her denim jacket and headed to the window overlooking the fire escape.
So she wasn’t the Chosen One anymore. Big deal. She should be used to it by now.
It was, for the most part, a relief to not be solely responsible for the world, to have an army of Slayers worldwide was a blessing really.
So why did she feel so alone?
She’d made it her own, that little bit of escape outside the window. A cozy corner where she could spot the odd vampire or two or just lay back and look at the stars and think about all those things she should’ve done differently.
Back when time almost seemed like a friend. Or at least an acquaintance.
Now each day was just something else to get through.
She missed Spike, it was as simple as that.
Buffy slipped out the window.
At least some things never change.

mouth of hellubervamp
I don’t like to whine.
Hey! I heard that ya know, I do not like to whine! Sometimes whine just spills from my mouth is all.
Back to my non-whining non-rant about my non-weekend.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those weekend-planners, and in fact usually prefer the actual week itself because for the most part I have tons of alone time which equals writing time. (I think I just jinxed myself- thunder in the distance + rain = construction worker husband coming home early = almost impossible for me to write. Grrr Argh)
Ok here’s the sitch: we won’t even discuss Friday, lets just say sometimes there’s these big old bottles of rum which magically disappear, especially when the Glory Days Bunch gathers in my damn kitchen (because it’s always the kitchen where people gather) and blasts their own music so loud I can’t think.
Ugliness ensued.
Lets move on to Saturday.
I woke up crying.
I know! What a shitty way to start the day, right?
There was a class I had to attend Saturday at 9am since I’m a District Certified Board Worker and there’s a Primary Election being held Tuesday. We lowly Poll Workers have to attend a class every 2 years so I pulled myself together and made my way over to the school for my first class without my Mom, she was a Poll Worker too. That may have had something to do with my unreasonable tears.
So I gave myself plenty of time to get there (I’m a chronically late to everything person) and popped in my favorite cd, the soundtrack to Once More With Feeling (Buffy Season 6 Episode 7) and about halfway through (the drive and the disc) the temperature gauge in my car started to climb. Ugh. What to do? I’m at the top of a bridge I have actual nightmares about with an about-to-overheat car so I do that thing they say to do and turn on the heat full blast (did I mention it was more than 90degrees outside?) and make it to the school at exactly 9am.
There was nowhere to park.
No where at all.
Somebody decided it would be a good idea to have a town-wide yard sale in the parking lot of the school the same time as the class.
Heat blazing both outside and inside my car I circled that damn parking lot at least 32 times, one eye on the temperature gauge, the other looking for someplace to park.
Eventually I managed to squeeze my car alongside a curb as others had done and literally ran into the auditorium where I was not the only latecomer and slipped into a seat praying a cooling off period would magically fix my car problem.
The class was all blah blah blah, nothing new, but required if I wanted my paycheck.
Then they get to the part where they talk about what to do when there’s a deceased voter in your district, which forms to fill out etc. Fuck. I work in my Mother’s district which translates into me, as her daughter, having to fill out the deceased voter form. Those damn tears started all over again.
Triggers I’m not even aware of.
Ok so the class finishes and there is a mass exodus of mostly senior citizens, everyone trying to leave the overfilled parking lot at the same exact time. The way I was parked made it impossible for me to move my car until the cars surrounding me left so I had no choice but to sit in my car till the coast was clear.
But no, it can’t be that easy right?
Another person, and I use that term loosely, had parked in such a way that she decided she couldn’t move her car until I moved mine. My dog could have driven out of that spot without a problem but nope, she decided she needed to get out of her car and scream at me to move my car. I remained calm and smiling as I explained the obvious; my car was surrounded and I never got that feature installed, you know, the one that makes your car fly. Considering there was also a line of cars, none of which were inclined to let me smash into their cars so the screaming woman could get out of her illegal spot, as well as 27,893 senior citizens walking slowly as they tried to find their own cars, I was still unable to move my car which brought on yet another screaming bout from the same entitled bitch woman.
It was a nightmare but just the beginning of a nightmare.
After finally getting out of the parking lot (is it wrong that I took the tiniest bit of glee seeing that nobody else was inclined to let her cut them off?) my engine was still running hot.
Did I mention the traffic was backed up forever and my car sat idling long enough for me to near panic-attack status as I watched the temperature gauge rise closer to the red?
I made it about a quarter of the way home when my engine decided I was too much of an idiot for trying to drive it hot that it shut down.
Dead. Just like that.
Do you know how much it sucks to maneuver a car with power steering no longer working? Big time suckage.
A tow truck and a rescue from my husband got me home and my car to the shop where it sits at this very moment. I’ve decided to name my car Lazarus in the hopes it will rise from the dead.
It could happen.

So that was the morning, needless to say I didn’t go out Saturday night.
I worked offline on some writing and watched Orphan Black which was the highlight of the week.
I’m not even going to mention Sunday, it was what is usually referred to as a cluster-fuck.
Ok, I’ve babbled and whined enough, so to sum up: angry women drivers yelling at me in front of an entire parking lot of people made her look like the loser not me. My car dying at the class I needed to go to is almost ironic because as of now, I can’t work the Election without my car since it’s hard to get a ride somewhere at 4:30am, if I didn’t go to the class I wouldn’t have been able to work, but since I drove the car to the class in a stupid heat wave I can’t work at the Election because I am carless at the moment.

Man, I sure can whine!
Oh yeah, remember that earlier mention of rain days bringing husbands home from work early? Yep, you guessed it. Honey I’m home, now can you do _____ and ______ and _______ then ______ and after that I need ______ and _______……

If I crawled under the covers and went to sleep for 2 days do you think it would help?
How about this, I promise to slay all the vampires needed to be slain if somebody would just give me some damn time alone.

et cetera