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{September 11, 2015}   I Can Never Forget

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I’m sure I’m not the only one who is having a hard time getting through another September 11th. I tried desperately to write today but found myself staring at a near blank page and clicking back and forth between writing and looking at Facebook.

Basically wasting time.

I can’t even muster up the ability to write about that day in 2001 from my perspective, but it nags at me, to post something. I can’t ignore the day without acknowledging it some way,  yet I can’t write anything today, the words are stuck in my heart because my head is filled with all the what-ifs, all the lives that were touched that day, and how there was a ripple effect that day. You didn’t have to live in New York or New Jersey or Pennsylvania or Washington DC or Boston, it doesn’t matter where you lived, the World changed that day and Innocence became a memory the instant that first plane hit the first Tower.

I dug out some of my blank books, the books I use to keep track of rehearsals and write lyrics. I also tend to doodle when there’s lead singer down time, and it just so happened we had rehearsal on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001. I wanted to cancel but in the end we decided to go to the studio and try to not think for two hours. We had a gig coming up where we had to add a few cover songs to usual original set so I had a bit of doodle time while the musicians musicianed other people’s songs.

So I decided to take a few photographs of my doodles, and the lyrics to a song I wrote that night called “Lay Me Down”, just my feelings about that day jotted down quickly in a blank book as the horrifying terrible smell was everywhere and the smoke continued to take over the sky no matter where you turned.

This year was worse for me. Don’t know why, it just was.

So I shall share some pages from journals written and doodled on Tuesday, September 11th,2001 at Stage Right Studios while our Innocence disappeared slowly, nearly unnoticed, like that tragic scent and the never-ending smoke. I never claimed to be an artist, but I just needed to share this, and hope to sleep tonight nightmare-less, unlike last night when I had one of those same nightmares where I’m lost in New York City alone in the dark.

If you click on this photo you can see a scribbled NYC skyline, the one I saw every single day.

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If you click on this you can see my mental me unravel a bit, writing down words to songs my Mom sang to me when I would cry and she’d sing “Why oh why oh why oh, did I ever leave Ohio?” Neither one of us ever went to Ohio but it became our code song, kind of like clicking your ruby slippers three times or Calgon, take me away type stuff.

Just me then? [shrugs]

 

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These are the lyrics to Lay Me Down, the song I wrote that night, the song sitting in another studio waiting for me to finish some vocals and a few other touchups. If you click on the photo I was surprised to find the words legible. Um, just me then? Either way, I believe I may have posted them previously, if not, perhaps I will.  Right this moment, this is all I can do.

I’ll get back to my WIP tomorrow after Dad Duty. How do you make an almost 89 year old ex Navy Man who was actually there on D Day let you help him? He doesn’t want my help, he wants my Mom back and so do I but that isn’t possible. So I shall visit and clean and do laundry and go food shopping, shout louder than I sing so he can hear me, and bite my tongue near in half at the way he talks to me and the fight he gives me about cleaning. He can do it himself you know. That translates into what I call Covert Cleaning. I’m getting better at it. Oh, my point, I will have to remember to post my lyrics if I already haven’t. I think I may have but my head is telling me to watch Anthony Stewart Head in Dominion then sleep. Without lost in NYC dreams please.

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Well would you look at that! Over 700 words, much more than I thought I had in me.

I have to thank Kate Richards and Nina Cooper, their collective words to me on Facebook healed me enough to post this. Thank you both, you are truly amazing women I am extremely Blessed to know in any capacity, this virtual world we gather in really does make miles disappear. For that I am very grateful ❤

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lay me down, lay me down,
lay me down for I am weary
lay me down

will you lead me to the water
will you take me down below
will you offer me some comfort
tell me, where am I to go
will you give to me some shelter
just a place to lay my head
let me sleep the sleep of children
let me sleep till I forget

lay me down, lay me down,
lay me down for I am weary
lay me down

will you fill my soul with goodness
will you show me there is light
let me count the stars in Heaven
spirits shining in the night
will you hold my hand in your hand
lay your kiss upon my brow
tell me there will be tomorrow
that we’ll make it back somehow
911
It was the sirens that woke me up that morning 12 years ago, an otherwise beautiful day twisted into the darkest day in recent history. Nearly everyone remembers where they were September 11th, 2001, that day carved itself into my mind, a memory that won’t fade away, leaving me scarred along with the rest of America.
I live in New Jersey, just close enough to New York City to see the skyline, approximately 20 miles or so as the crow flies, and the World Trade Center was always visible everywhere in this little town I live in, like a marker or a beacon standing high and proud.
We all have our own story from that day, the initial wave of shock and confusion when the first plane hit, the sinking feeling while we watched live as the second plane hit, letting us know this was indeed an intentional strike. The worry so many of us felt wondering if our loved ones were ok. Driving down to the water where crowds of strangers gathered together in disbelief, searching for comfort and feeling helpless as we watched the Towers fall. Radios blasting out of all the cars parked near the water hearing the Pentagon was attacked. Everything about that day was surreal.
I remember clearly driving in my car, every radio station filled with panic, I don’t recall hearing any music, everyone was focused on getting whatever information we could get.
My band had rehearsal that night, none of us wanted to rehearse but we decided to get together anyway, I don’t know, maybe just to feel alive in our collective shock.
Anyway, I wrote a song that very night, the lyrics above were written as I sat on the floor of a studio, not feeling anything but shock and mourning for an act so horrid, so many people dead, so many lives changed forever…. helpless is what I felt the most, but one thing I knew for sure, the world we knew, the America we were, was forever changed.
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PLEASE REMEMBER, 9/11/12, WHEN 4 AMERICANS WERE MURDERED IN BENGHAZI AND STILL NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE
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