{October 16, 2015}   Waning

waning moon

like the moon
like the tide
i come and go,
i disappear for eons,
i pop back up again
as if i was never gone,
even when i seem changed
still i remain me,
facets filtered through prisms,
masks of me
shuffled like a deck of cards,
it’s a crapshoot,
never knowing which me is in control,
i wonder where i have been and
i wonder what did i find, if anything,
though i knew all along
there is nothing for me,
not here, not there,
not along the trash filled streets of my own personal apocalypse,
when the tide pulls away,
i wonder,
will it take me with it,
or leave me to drown in the new normal of my orphan existence,
for now
i am alone

waning moon1


Hi Joanne, lovely poem. I think it shows some of what you see happening in you, and in a way maybe also how you think others perceive what happens to you. I liked how you stuck to the moon metaphor, the tides are also part of what is influenced by it.
Ok, I’ll try to bring in science now ( don’t worry, only because of the metaphor)… . 🙂 The moon doesn’t disappear, it is there, but we cannot always see it, because the light is sometimes stopped by earth (end of science part).
So, is it possible that there is a big obstacle at times that doesn’t let you shine the way you should in some moments? You know what? I like that the moon is there even when I cannot see it!

As far as I understand what you write, you are sometimes surprised by what has happened, where you have been, what things have changed. Maybe these are the moments when the connection that you want and need is not there, I cannot know, but I know that feeling shut away from others, missing connection, sucks (sorry). And then reconnecting can be so wonderful and it can give us strength (and sometimes it takes a lot of strength to do it, too).

I am sorry that you are sometimes not sure whether this tide takes you with it, and for me it sounded like feeling lost. I get that part, my picture for that is a completely different one (scary dark corridor with neon light spots; or just a dark spot in nowhere really yucky for me), but I was sort of taken by my hand to get out of this again. I couldn’t have done that on my own (too young, 15 years old), so when I read this line in your poem, I hoped for the helping hand you should have to make sure that this tide will never ever get you.

I want you to know something. You are not alone and never will be. I am so far away and nevertheless hope that sometimes you know I am thinking of you. Some family and friends of yours are there for you too. I don’t want you to drown, the idea alone makes me so sad. Instead, I want you to find back to happiness, because that is what you should have. Wait, wait, but I also believe that grieving is what you have to do now; if you did not, this would be like locking your true self deep inside and that is like hiding it, creating barriers. Talking about your pain is what you do, and this is something that does help to go through this. I am glad that you do it!

I for one know that you are there, even when you are waning for a while. Warm, long hugs for you, so that you maybe feel less alone.

And more hugs


p.s. sorry for rambling

Never ever could you ramble too much, and never ever could you say ANYTHING to me that would require you to say “sorry”….the truth is that right this moment, as I sit here reading your words, tears are clouding my vision, so I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, what a Blessing it is to have you in my life, and your amazingly beautiful comment deserves a real reply, which you will get tomorrow when I can express myself better… I just found out that the day my Dad died, my (traitorous) older brother called my (once) favorite aunt who said immediately and I quote “if I didn’t have a broken leg I’d be dancing a jig”, this hurts me so badly I’m afraid to even write anything other than I love you very much dearest Nina, and I think of you often, believe it or not, I sometimes look at the moon and think, Nina sees the same moon I’m seeing… you’ve become a very important part of my life, the sister I always wanted, and before i get too sappy and cry my eyeballs out, I will end now and talk to you more tomorrow, you constantly amaze me with the generosity living in your heart ❤

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