joannebest











{September 11, 2015}   I Can Never Forget

9 11abb

I’m sure I’m not the only one who is having a hard time getting through another September 11th. I tried desperately to write today but found myself staring at a near blank page and clicking back and forth between writing and looking at Facebook.

Basically wasting time.

I can’t even muster up the ability to write about that day in 2001 from my perspective, but it nags at me, to post something. I can’t ignore the day without acknowledging it some way,  yet I can’t write anything today, the words are stuck in my heart because my head is filled with all the what-ifs, all the lives that were touched that day, and how there was a ripple effect that day. You didn’t have to live in New York or New Jersey or Pennsylvania or Washington DC or Boston, it doesn’t matter where you lived, the World changed that day and Innocence became a memory the instant that first plane hit the first Tower.

I dug out some of my blank books, the books I use to keep track of rehearsals and write lyrics. I also tend to doodle when there’s lead singer down time, and it just so happened we had rehearsal on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001. I wanted to cancel but in the end we decided to go to the studio and try to not think for two hours. We had a gig coming up where we had to add a few cover songs to usual original set so I had a bit of doodle time while the musicians musicianed other people’s songs.

So I decided to take a few photographs of my doodles, and the lyrics to a song I wrote that night called “Lay Me Down”, just my feelings about that day jotted down quickly in a blank book as the horrifying terrible smell was everywhere and the smoke continued to take over the sky no matter where you turned.

This year was worse for me. Don’t know why, it just was.

So I shall share some pages from journals written and doodled on Tuesday, September 11th,2001 at Stage Right Studios while our Innocence disappeared slowly, nearly unnoticed, like that tragic scent and the never-ending smoke. I never claimed to be an artist, but I just needed to share this, and hope to sleep tonight nightmare-less, unlike last night when I had one of those same nightmares where I’m lost in New York City alone in the dark.

If you click on this photo you can see a scribbled NYC skyline, the one I saw every single day.

911a

If you click on this you can see my mental me unravel a bit, writing down words to songs my Mom sang to me when I would cry and she’d sing “Why oh why oh why oh, did I ever leave Ohio?” Neither one of us ever went to Ohio but it became our code song, kind of like clicking your ruby slippers three times or Calgon, take me away type stuff.

Just me then? [shrugs]

 

911b

These are the lyrics to Lay Me Down, the song I wrote that night, the song sitting in another studio waiting for me to finish some vocals and a few other touchups. If you click on the photo I was surprised to find the words legible. Um, just me then? Either way, I believe I may have posted them previously, if not, perhaps I will.  Right this moment, this is all I can do.

I’ll get back to my WIP tomorrow after Dad Duty. How do you make an almost 89 year old ex Navy Man who was actually there on D Day let you help him? He doesn’t want my help, he wants my Mom back and so do I but that isn’t possible. So I shall visit and clean and do laundry and go food shopping, shout louder than I sing so he can hear me, and bite my tongue near in half at the way he talks to me and the fight he gives me about cleaning. He can do it himself you know. That translates into what I call Covert Cleaning. I’m getting better at it. Oh, my point, I will have to remember to post my lyrics if I already haven’t. I think I may have but my head is telling me to watch Anthony Stewart Head in Dominion then sleep. Without lost in NYC dreams please.

911d

Well would you look at that! Over 700 words, much more than I thought I had in me.

I have to thank Kate Richards and Nina Cooper, their collective words to me on Facebook healed me enough to post this. Thank you both, you are truly amazing women I am extremely Blessed to know in any capacity, this virtual world we gather in really does make miles disappear. For that I am very grateful ❤

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JMC813 says:

A very powerful and meaningful post on a very solemn day. Even just a bit of sharing where your head is at right now and where it was when the ripple effect started that horrible fateful morning is extremely important . I am glad you had it in you to write something….anything. We shall remember, we will NEVER forget.



Thank you, it took a lot JMC, but I couldn’t stop thinking about all those people who *should* be with us still, their families and friends would give anything to have theirs back and there I was doing nothing but going thru pendulum emotions, swinging from sadness to anger in the tic of a clock. It was cathartic to write, I think the drive to write something was fueled more by anger because I found myself yelling at the television, I was pissed when I heard a bunch of news people talking about how so many people seem to have forgotten the way we all felt when it happened, but I understand, in a way I guess, that it’s different for everyone. I think the glaring empty hole in the skyline, like 2 front teeth yanked out, won’t leave my brain, regardless of what has been built there now. I hope you are right, I hope that no one ever forgets.



JMC813 says:

I know I wont. I haven’t done this in years but for some reason I found myself glued to the History channel for far too long watching footage of that day. It brought me back all over again. I was just stupefied and horrified yet I couldn’t pull myself away. I can very much relate to the anger. I can still feel that same anger when I think about how I felt that day. Be well my friend.



Well done. It is sad, we have Americans in our state trying to use the terror of 911 to their own agenda. This day is sad enough without threats to kids and teachers.



Thank you for commenting, I heard of a few incidents that day, kids (I must be getting old if I call 20 year olds ‘kids’ 😀 ) living in their parent’s basement trying to make bombs specifically to interrupt 911 Memorials, as you said, people are already on the edge that day each year and it has to be terrifying to be a child/teacher under threat by some loser taking advantage of the day to try and make a ‘name’ for themselves like it’s a joke.
I remember being a young child and going through those old fashioned drills where we had to hide under our desks, like a desk would protect us, but I guess it was more to give us youngsters something to do instead of just being scared.



Google blacklivesmatter 911 as a faction promised violence to white kids, teachers, and police that day in our state…sorry to use your blog to vent. I don’t mean to take away from your meaning. I share your feelings



Andy says:

My wife, who back then was ‘just’ my best friend, was over in America on that day. She had been on top of one of those towers just a few days before. The worry about her whereabouts at the time helped shatter my complacency about us, eventually leading to us getting together after a twenty four year friendship. One small positive out of a terrible event.



Oh Andy! You must have been terrified being in another country, knowing she had just been there! I am happy to hear that something wonderful came out of that day for you and your wife, it’s not “one small positive”, it’s amazing! I’m sorry it took you both 24 years to realize you needed each other always, but the important thing is, you did. I guess bad things happening sometimes gives us the courage to take a chance, to realize how our own worlds could be destroyed in the blink of an eye and we need to live now, and not put things off because we never know what could happen out of nowhere. ❤ Such a sad day, but a very important one in your life, for you and your wife ❤ (unintentional rhyme 😀 )



Andy says:

Yes. It took a few frantic calls to her Mum before we discovered that she was in L.A, unable to fly to San Francisco as the planes had all been grounded.

I think poetry by you is entirely appropriate! 🙂



Hi Joanne, I don’t think that you are wasting time at all. I couldn’t believe what I saw on tv then, and when you had loved ones just in the city that day, this must have been so horrible. These days when a horror memory comes up are something that you need to get through, somehow and without falling. Simply get through, but not alone, please. Grab someone close and don’t let go for a while! This has always helped me best, because there was nothing else that I was able to do when I had these days. When you wrote about the smell in your FB post it brought back pretty unpleasant memories for me too, so I fully get you on this (for me it was more about sound and light). Hang in there, please, think about the good things that happen, and don’t forget that there is always someone to help us up again. So, are you wasting your time? No no no! 🙂 On the contrary, I think you are trying to heal the way you can do it with such a horrid event; not wasting time, it is part of healing and this takes time! ❤
I read your lyrics on the paper and liked them a lot. So, have you turned them into a song? That would be cool. 🙂 I think writing things down that we have to deal with is awesome, it has helped me a lot, and –just a guess- I think it helps you too. So, wasting time? No no no! 🙂 Healing, yes! ❤

Hugs and love to you, Joanne,

Nina



Dearest Nina, you really are awesome you know ❤ I'm sorry about the inadvertent memory push for you, it's weird the way our senses can bring back memories so strongly. You know, that smell, it hung around for so very long, at the end of my street there is a clear direct view of the Staten Island landfill, unfortunately named Fresh Kills Landfill, anyway for weeks, months really, there was a never-ending line of dump trucks filled with bits and pieces of The World Trade Center, and while I don't mean to sound insensitive, the reality is there were pieces of people mixed in with the steel, and for some poor souls, Fresh Kills became their final resting place and that's about the saddest thing ever.
I did turn Lay Me Down into a song, we have crappy recordings on tape but we have a nearly finished recording sitting in the studio waiting for us to come back and put some piano tracks on and I have some backup vocals to finish up, now that summer is in it's last days we should have time to go back to the studio and finish it up. It's a hard song to sing for me, I have to not think too hard while I sing it and it starts off acapella , my favorite thing ever, all eyes on me! (I'm so kidding, I hate all eyes on me yet I'm a lead singer, I much prefer writing to performing 😀 )
Thank you always Nina, I can't even explain it properly, but you and Kate commenting on my FB post is truly the reason I wrote this here, I can't even say 'oh, when you said so and so I was inspired', it was just something intangible, something that touched my soul, I don't know Nina, but whatever it was, thank you so much! One of us must become bestselling authors so we can afford to visit each other lol or as Kate mentioned, there are always book cons 😀
Love you so much, you and your wonderful group of friends/Miscreants give me more strength than you will ever know ❤
Thank you for that, and so much more ❤
Hugs and love,
joanne xox



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