{March 25, 2014}   Confessions, Apologies, And Truths ~ A Blog Type Post

I have a confession to make.
My name is Joanne and I have CommentPhobia. It is too an actual thing, I looked it up!
Ok, I didn’t really look it up, I made it up but I think it’s a real thing, don’t you? Please?
See it’s like this: I went to Catholic School. Also, I’m a middle child. And a girl born under the overly sensitive sign of Cancer plus, I’m Irish.
Mathematics have never been my strong suit but I kinda think that all adds up to one guilty apologetic people-pleasing self-ignoring, well, hell of a woman now that I think about it!
Psst, I’m trying this thing where I make believe I’m confidant and stuff, did it work yet? Hmph. Things take time ok?
This is what happens, I zig-zag.
It isn’t intentional, in fact I wake up every morning ready to take on the world, also known as my To Do list but I have too many balls to juggle so I fumble. And something has to hit the floor when you’ve got too many balls in the air and what winds up suffering in my little world is replying to your comments in anything resembling a timely manner.
Truth: I have nightmares about it. For real.
Because it means so much to me, at a time I need it most, the fact that you take the time out of your own busy day to talk to me is such a gift I treasure, and I truly feel love and gratitude for each and every one of you. Honored is too small a word.
I keep telling myself “tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and reply as I wake up slow with my three cups of tea” but… all the buts show up at the same time, more balls flying my way, so many I lost count.
Then I think “tonight, when I’m cozied under comforting fleece, I’ll do nothing other than reply” and emergencies bust through the walls crashing all over my intentions.
Betcha’d never guess I love talking to you as much as I love writing and reading by my recent behavior, rather, my lack thereof.
I hate excuses.
Especially when they’re coming out of my mouth.
That’s why I’m not gonna give you a list of reasons I haven’t been keeping up. As you may or may not know, I’m coming up on my one year mark writing here on Word Press, at the same time I’m coming up on the one year mark without my Mom.
That’s not an excuse, a reason, it’s just truth.
So why am I babbling about something I haven’t been able to do instead of, oh I don’t know, doing it?
Because my name is Joanne and I am a CommentPhobaholic.
Because I feel dumb replying to comments left previously when it takes me this extra-long amount of time to reply, and I will reply to each and every unanswered comment no matter how long it takes. Nor how dumb I feel.
You know, guilty middle-child Catholic School Irish Cancer. With a temper. Which I’m aiming at myself if I don’t keep my word.
If I say it I mean it.
Except when I don’t but I tag that ‘fiction’.
I guess I just want to say I’m sorry and I am very grateful to you, over there, with the eyes reading this right this very second. Yeah, I’m talking to you, every single one of you. If your eyes are seeing these words, know that I am blessed, because of you.
You have helped me through the most traumatic year of my life, I can’t imagine what the past year would have looked like without you.
I won’t allow myself to imagine that.
I will though, imagine getting up to date with my comments.
If you can imagine it, you can make it so.


Skye says:

❤ Hugs & Love

❤ You give the best hugs & love sweet Skye, always xox

JMC813 says:

This was answer enough for me Joanne. I know you care. It shows up in your writing that you are a genuine and caring person. We all get busy. Busy is good. Idle hands being the devil’s workshop but an idle mind is a Hellish factory that’ll fuck me up every time. Part of why I enjoy writing from the darker perspective. Anywho, just keep writing when you feel the need or want and respond if and when you find the time. Be well and keep inspiring friend.

<3, because you deserve many <3's xox

JMC813 says:

Banging my head to Anthrax while reading this. Thanks for the hearts…….Did you know I was a collector of hearts?
I keep them all. The best ones still have a life of their own but have been toughened up by real life stories. Why writing is such an imperative to people like you and me. Keep rockin and keep writing Jersey friend.

I wasn’t going to comment this time ’cause I didn’t want to add to your never-ending list, but f@&k it, that’s just how I roll! I don’t care if you don’t respond, I just care that you know you are loved. Miles of ocean mean nothing to me…friendship is friendship. Peace out, my Jersey girl! xoxo

Did you feel that? It was me hugging you with all my might ❤ xox And I'll always be your Jersey Girl ❤

alienorajt says:

Exactly how I feel, Joanne; in fact, so upset am about getting behind with both reading other people’s posts, and not getting up to date with responding to comments left on mine, that I almost, yesterday, pulled the plug on the blog – and may not write anything today through sheer guilt. I am so glad I am not alone. Hugs. xxx

Oh Ali! It’s so good to know I’m not alone, even thru the darkness; it’s funny/not funny that you almost pulled the plug on your blog because I almost did the exact same thing during my yesterday! I swear the only thing that stopped me was a little voice in my head whispering “sleep on it instead of being impulsive as usual” (that voice also kept me from smashing my favorite teacup into as many pieces as possible- it’s not easy trying to explain to someone that, although we put pieces of ourselves in our writing, there’s a reason some things are labeled ‘fiction’, just because I wrote about vampires doesn’t mean I am one, etc ! That’s what I get for writing in first person ha!)
You are not alone doll, hell, I’m staring to think we may be the same person 😀 Hugs back xxx
ps: let’s keep writing, because we can’t not ❤

alienorajt says:

Yes, the sense of being broken is strong in me at the moment – and the smashing of favourite items (or even, as you did – and I have so often – thinking about it) can be a metaphor in its own right. Wonderful comment, Joanne; I was very touched to receive it – and, yes, onwards and upwards on the writing front! xxxx

You’ll be fine hah: Work with what you’ve got, do what you do, that’s all you can do. Now stop schmoozin and get workin!

Pete gives me just what I need a Sayreville Smack-down! Much obliged 😀
Now back to schmoozing….

That’s right! 🙂 Keep going.

You’re adorable, girl. You’re honest and raw, and if you can’t reply, then don’t: if it’s not in you, then it’s not in you, and to deny it wouldn’t be real. It’s just nice for me to read your stuff sometimes, and to know that I’m not the only one who “zig-zags” in her thoughts. 🙂

Dawn, no words, because you know I loves ya… now lets get zig-zagging and do the best we can, right? Write. (groan, I know, that was bad :D) ❤ xox

Joanne; just stopping by to thank you for visiting humble Cry and Howl. I read your post and let not your heart be troubled. I’ll visit, for what it’s worth, as often as I can and actually comment when I can. I do all my blogging from work (I’m the boss so I have a little liberty there) and most of the time I can hardly find the time to post something on my mind let alone visit my friends blogs … but I do my best for those who visit. Don’t worry too much about replying as I’m just a regular guy living in Texas trying to make it just like everyone else. Have a great weekend and hang in there … okay … here’s a little something that you might like …

You had me at “let not your heart be troubled” 😀 So good to be able to recognize a like minded friend just by those 6 words… I was blown away by that 12 year old girl and couldn’t help it, I had to share it on Facebook. Thank you so much for Sandy, sometimes we do what might seem like a small thing to us but means the world to someone else; you have no idea how much it means to me, at a time I needed it most you appeared with Sandy and for the first time in days I smiled and meant it.Thank you more than you can imagine….and right back atcha 😀 ♥

And you just made my whole weekend!

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