{February 26, 2014}   Dear Diary 2/26/14

Dear Diary,
I’ve been a bad, bad, very bad girl.
In more ways than one but for now lets just concentrate on one thing at a time, ok?
Me plus endless snow and constant company (aka zero privacy) equals me losing my mind.
(1 + ::: + OOOOO [0] = o_O)
Now it may not seem like a big deal to the normal person but, well, I am far from the normal person as anyone who knows me can attest. Actually, now that I think about it, even if you don’t really know me, it’s not too hard to pick up on the crazy that lives inside me nearly every moment of every day.
Hey, it’s not easy being me you know.
Ok, maybe it could be easier being me if it wasn’t smack dab in the middle of the worst winter we’ve had here in New Jersey in I don’t know how long. They say that every 20 years or so we have some kind of really horrible very bad blizzard/snowstorm/opening up of the Heavens/Mother Nature’s Fury, whatever you want to call it.
Frankly, I call it bullshit.
Because enough is enough.
The other day I realized my life has been basically one fuck-off after another for the last two years. And yeah I said fuck-off.
Actually, it’s probably longer than two years but we’ll stick with that number because it’s slightly less pathetic.
Wait. I said that wrong, it’s really been one long-non-stop-run-on-sentence-fuck-off.
And it all boils down to one thing: a stupid fucking hurricane.
Seriously, that’s the root of it all. Hurricane Irene.
Remember her?
Don’t worry, nobody else does either because Hurricane Sandy came along the following year and made Irene look like one lit match compared to a Towering Inferno.
Irene didn’t cause anywhere close to the damage Sandy did on the surface, but we were one of the unlucky ones when our house collapsed and it was all my fault.
The day Irene hit I had to open my big mouth and say something about how we always hear about people losing everything in natural disasters but thank God we never knew anyone personally who had to live through something like that.
We all know how that turned out, one collapsed house and a lifetime of memories gone in a snap.
Sorry dear diary of mine, I seem to have veered off topic, but lets face it, veering off topic is pretty much a given where I’m concerned. So in keeping with tradition, I’m about to veer.
Guess what diary? I’m going to Cape May!
I was afraid I’d never be able to go there again since it’s been my Mother/Daughter tradition forever.
How can I do it without her?
I’ll tell you how; me and my bestest friend Shawn are leaving it all behind and taking a mini-break, Thelma and Louise style, only without flying cars.
I just booked the room, coincidently the room my Mom and I usually stayed in, and even though it’s only for two nights, I figure it’s like getting my toes wet.
Another coincidence? We are going exactly one year to the day my Mom and I spent our last Cape May trip together.
I’m thinking dear diary, that perhaps this will give me some sort of closure. I’ll be bringing a bit of my Mom with me, to fulfill a promise I made to her once upon a time.
Legal or not, I will be spreading some of her ashes where she asked me to, in the Atlantic Ocean near Sunset Beach.
She said she’d haunt me forever if I don’t follow her wishes.
And since every time I’ve been to Cape May I’ve had some sort of ghostly experience, I’m not taking any chances.
It wouldn’t surprise me if I do see my Mom, or at the very least, feel her presence. In fact I hope for it.
After all, somebody pulled some strings up there to enable me to be in Cape May a year to the day since Mom and I spent our last week together. (Shut up, if I wanna believe it then I will, so there non-believers! And cut me some slack, I’m still all kinds of delicate and emotional and stuff.)
Knowing my feisty red-headed Irish Mom, she’s the string-puller; so thank you my dear Mother, you will be with me always in my heart, but it’s nice to know you’ll be coming with me one more time to our favorite place in the world.
Leaving a piece of you there in our own personal Heaven on Earth will be a comfort to me, knowing that you will be there always, just like you wanted. Oh and no worries, I’ll be joining you some day but in the meantime, don’t be a stranger.
Ok diary, signing off for now, I really should be writing other stuff. And Muse o’mine? Don’t be so hard on me, I promise I’ll make it up to you.
There’s a burst of inspiration on my horizon. Cape May always has that affect on me, and today I booked my favorite room at my favorite place in the world, The Victorian, just a stone’s throw from the beach. Truth is, it feels like home there, the owners make you feel like Family, it has the best view you could wish for, and, well, it’s magical.
I may have been MIA for awhile my dearest diary, but baby, I am (almost) back.
For the first time in a long time, I feel something I thought was gone forever; hope.
cape may sunrise



I have no doubt whatsoever that your ma will be right there with you. And don’t think this is the end of a chapter, she will always be in your heart no matter where you go. I truly believe that. I’m so happy you are on the road to getting back to your usual crazy self. I love that Jersey chick…with or without my J! xxx

JMC813 says:

So glad you are (almost) back Joanne. Crazy how the fates line things up for us when we truly need them. I am right with you on the whole help from above thing. Kharma when it is realized to the benefit is a wonderful thing. Just goes to show that being a good person does have it’s rewards after all. Who knew right? Anyway, enjoy Cape May, Leave a little piece of your Mom before you leave, and know she will be with you every step of the way. Whether you are in Cape May, or some random convenience store. A part of her will be with you always. Thanks for sharing this. Be well friend.


alienorajt says:

Hugs, Joanne: I am sure you bare being called back for a specific purpose – and there may well be communication, of some kind, from your lovely red-haired Irish mom (who sounds wonderful, by the way!); I think you will sense her in the elements, and will ‘see’ her footsteps in sands both literal and metaphorical; she will be written in the sky amidst the wheeling call of sea birds – and you will know that she will always be there. Hugs and love, Ali xxx

Maryanne says:

I love Cape May and I agree with the others, your mother will be right there with you! xoxox

captcooke says:

Hey Joanne: Glad you are getting away and happy to play a small part in it. I was missing my mom on the 18th (her birthday) and wrote about it and our experiences coming as kids down here (down the shore) If you don’t mind me sharing it with you.

Thank you so much for the link, I didn’t realize I hadn’t hit your ‘follow’ button (done! :D) I really enjoyed reading about your Mom, it helps me t know that mine will always live on in my heart; hope you don’t mind I shared it on Twitter and Facebook, and ps, you may think it’s a small part you’re playing, but in my heart, you have and will continue to play a huge part in my life and in my memories, you and yours made my Mom’s last days on earth the happiest she’s been in a long time, I thank God (and you) she was able to spend her last week in her favorite place, room 300 at The Victorian was always her Heaven On Earth and she passed it on to me ❀

captcooke says:

Wow thank you for the kind words and for the encouragement as well. You have know idea how much that means to me as a new blogger.

I’m glad you are going back to Cape May. It will difficult at times, and it will be fun. You have your best friend with you to share the happy thoughts and the sad thoughts. You will remember the old memories and make new ones xx

I don’t care how many comments I miss (due to hibernation because me and winter are arch nemisisisisisis plus internet access wacky hijinks and the fun of figuring out a brand new router that has somehow decided I want my internet to be public so anyone can get into my super secret agent files….I mean really, I’ve considered it may be Spence since I found out Ted has such a hate-on for Spence (but Blue would be sad unless {scribbles down super secret FR ideas} I better shut up until it’s my turn again πŸ˜€

Also my dearest mate of my soul, I’m hoping you picked up on the whole just-because-I-didn’t-see/read/respond to comments doesn’t mean I love you less, it just means I love you enough to trust you get it πŸ˜€ ❀ 'cause I loves ya ❀ xox

Andy says:

An emotional return with a great friend to a favourite place,and reconnecting with your past and your mom (mum!) sounds like just the thing that you need at this point in your life. And I’m a believer too-I am sure she will be with you. Good luck Jo-you are creating new memories.

Andy, do you know how often I think of you and yours over there while i’m over here? lots times, lots and lots times infinity; the Land Of Blogs is a magical place (kinda like Tahiti – if you watch Agents of SHIELD), every time I discover another box of old pictures I now put them aside knowing they will eventually wind up here because “I have to show these to Andy!” needless to say, the hubs just shakes his head knowing I’m a wacko lol xox
And thank you Andy, in case you don’t realize it, you have helped me so much in dealing with the loss of Mom, can’t believe it’s going to be a year already, but sincerely my friend, your words and comments have helped me grow and deal…tell your wife she’s a lucky one, as, I’m sure, you are as well xox ❀

Andy says:

I tell her all the time how lucky she is πŸ™‚ and yes I am too.
Thank you for your kind words. And yes I love your old photographs, I’ve just done a post with photographs of some poor kids working in mills. My thoughts scatter here and there, but I always seem to come back to these black and white portraits don’t I? Look forward to seeing more of yours.

GUESS WHAT DIARY! classic line, I’m laughing over here!!!!

Hee!!!! I sometimes forget someone else’s eyes might see my words lol
But hey, it’s a HUGE ‘guess what diary’!!!! I get to go to Cape May with the only other person in the world who understands the bond I have with a land mass ❀ xox

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