{December 11, 2013}   Daily Prompt~ Unexpected Loss ~ My Beautiful Mother

mom program this1334853128771mom program back

So unexpected loss is the daily prompt and there is only one thing I can write about, which is, of course, the unexpected loss of my Mom nearly 8 months ago.
It started out with my Mom waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, she slipped her feet into her slippers and tripped, landing on her shoulder. My Dad took her to the emergency room where they gave her a sling and sent her home.
It wasn’t until the following morning when I made my usual morning phone call to Mom when I found out. I felt bad that nobody called me right away but as soon as I found out I packed a bag and went to the house to do whatever I could to help her. After a few days, I woke up early to find my Mom had slipped down the chair she slept in (per doctors orders) and she couldn’t get up by herself. I helped her up but something was off, she seemed confused, unsure of what happened and she asked me if she had a stroke. I didn’t think that was the problem but I called 911 and had an ambulance come, I was petrified but put on a brave face and followed the ambulance to the hospital as my Dad went in the ambulance with her.
We waited hours and hours as they did test after test and said she had a urinary tract infection and she was dehydrated so they wanted to keep her overnight for observation.
I stayed until she was settled in a room and went back first thing the next morning to find she had been moved to the Critical Care Unit. Long story short, they decided she needed dialysis and a blood transfusion. She was coherent, she said she felt fine but she had to stay they said, she needed a few more days of dialysis before they could operate on her shoulder.
A few days turned into 2 weeks, they did the surgery and said she was fine. She was doing so well they said, that they were moving her to a rehab for her shoulder before she could come home.
It was her Birthday while she was in hospital, so we celebrated in her hospital room but due to dietary restrictions she couldn’t have any goodies so we put a candle in her lemon ice and Dad and I sang Happy Birthday to her and spent the day with her until they kicked us out.
The following day she was to be moved so my Mom told me to take the day off, I’d been spending every day sitting and talking with her and she knew that my fibromyalgia had kicked in (I tried to hide it but you can’t fool your Mom), “Stay home today and get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow when they move me to Briarwood” she told me.
I wish I didn’t listen to her.
They moved her that night around 10pm.
At 5am the next morning I received a call telling me my Mom was gone.
I didn’t believe them. It couldn’t be true, they told me she was fine, they told me she was 100% fine and she was just going there for rehab for her shoulder. She was fine. It couldn’t be true.
I was in shock.
I was the contact number rather than my Dad so it was left to me to break the unbelievable news to my Dad and 2 brothers.
I was a mess as I raced to the house and ran straight into my Dad’s arms and sobbed loudly, holding onto my Dad, who never showed emotion yet held me as I fell apart, crying along with me as my brothers both walked in and I did the same, I couldn’t stop sobbing, I was in shock and denial and now had to go over to Briarwood and see my Mom for the last time, sobbing sniffling and destroyed.
I don’t remember too much after that, I know we went to the funeral home and made the arrangements, I know we all went back to the house and sat in silence and shock, knowing we had to start making those phone calls.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone knowing I’d see that screensaver of a picture I took when Mom and I were in Cape May but that’s not what I saw.
See, I have 2 cell phones and had no sd card in my phone, no pictures in my phone, no screensavers or anything at all to change the picture there, it was impossible to change it when there was nothing in there to change it to. I’d used the phone several times that morning before we went to see Mom for the last time and every time I looked at the screen I was overwhelmed with memories of all our trips to Cape May.
Now we all know that in order to change the screensaver you have to go through several steps to make it happen.
As I pulled out the phone to call my Aunt Judy the picture was gone, replaced by a picture I’d never seen before, a picture that wasn’t anywhere in my phone.
My Mom and I shared an interest in the afterlife and ghosts, and we made a deal, whichever one of us went first we would send a sign to let the other know we were ok, that there was something else after this life we live on earth.
With all my heart, I believe that screen-change was my Mom letting me know she was ok and she was with her Parents and everyone else who’d gone before her.
I’m still in shock, I still find myself reaching for the phone to call her, and for the first time in my life I dread the thought of my first Christmas without my Mother, my Best Friend, my world.
I feel guilty, I remember one day in the hospital my Mom looked at me and asked “Am I dying?”, I looked her straight in the eye and said “No! I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that!”. I know I wasn’t lying, I believed it to be true, yet still, I feel guilt.
The last time I saw my Mother alive was on her Birthday, less than 2 days later she was gone and my life is now forever changed.
Rest In Peace my Dear Mother, I’ll see you one day on the other side and remember, I love you always.
mom and me scottish festivalMom and me at the Scottish Festival a few years ago
20130512_104042-1Mom in the green shirt looking at blond-haired me
phone1This is what my Mom switched my screen saver to, it swirls as if it’s the path leading to the Gates of Heaven


I am so sorry for your loss. I am sitting here in tears…you see, I lost my dad in almost the exact same way. His troubles began with a horrific car accident which he miraculously survived. After six months of rehab he was able to move another facility. He was fine the night before, then I got that same call. He was fine…then he was not. Oh, Sweetheart, I am hugging you in my heart. Much love sent your way. We truly are kindred spirits in many ways. Love you.

My beautiful Skye, I’m so sorry you went through this too; it comes out of nowhere and we’re never prepared even though we know it’s inevitable some day, we just pray that day doesn’t come for a long time. Did you feel that tight hug I just sent you? If not you will soon…and yes, we are so alike it’s such a great feeling knowing you’re out there too. So much love from me to you sweet Skye, so very much β™₯β™₯β™₯

alienorajt says:

Sending love, Joanne, and hugs. xxx

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ksbeth says:

i am so sorry for the loss of the mother you loved so much. – wonderful post )

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Andy says:

I have heard so many times about people who pass, either expectedly or unexpectedly, when the family are not there. Sometimes loved ones are sat with them 24/7, but, as in one case, as soon as the daughter nipped to the coffee machine, a matter of minutes, she returned to find her father gone. It’s as if somehow they are holding on until that opportunity, perhaps to save their family that moment, perhaps to make it easier on themselves, having to leave those that they care about behind. Who knows?
Of course in your case your mum’s passing was totally unexpected, so you never had that choice.
Many times, since I have followed your blog, you have honoured the memory of your mum so well. The love you hold is self-evident, and shows in the way you have stepped up in the relationship with your father.
Your Mum would be so proud. And I am sure she is. x

Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth says:

Another beautiful post Joanne. So sorry for your loss.

Thanks for following my blog. I checked in here, and of course, the first thing I read was this very sad post about losing your mother. I am deeply sorry for your loss, but find it very brave of you to write about it. Looking forward to getting to know you through your blog. — Stephanie

nobody but you and your Mom know all this – thank you for sharing

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