joannebest











{October 10, 2013}   Fiction Relay – Part 45

FINALLY! Apologies to all for my lateness with Fiction Relay Part 45, I was abducted by aliens and they had no internet access so, umm, ok, I had the flu so all flogging for being late should be aimed in my direction. Now, settle back, relax, and let’s catch up with the gang. As usual, in case you’ve missed anything, here is the link to the summary of the story so far, as well as the link to the homepage.
http://thereclininggentleman.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/fiction-relay-summary/
http://thereclininggentleman.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/fiction-relay-homepage/
~
After hours of watching Melissa sob in her sleep, Raj began to meditate.
Although he’d much rather remain lucid. He could sit here for hours watching her tortured sleep. It was much more entertaining than wasting his time watching the television she’d left on for him. But Raj knew he needed to gather as much strength as possible if there was any chance his plan would work.
He knew without a doubt what she dreamed, he’d slipped a few nuggets of nightmares through her sleeping lips earlier, along with a sort of pathway in her mind. Raj was slowly making room for himself deep inside Melissa’s mind by stealing bits of her memory, manipulating knowledge inside her brain and taking what he needed.
Her emotions were all over the place, he’d been deep inside her, helping himself to whatever he wanted.
He didn’t know why, he didn’t know how, all he knew was each time he helped himself to another one of her memories he felt stronger.
He also felt closer to his obsession, Meaghan had always been just out of his reach. Raj couldn’t get the look of condescension in her eyes out of his fragile mind, she looked at him as if she was superior to him. Melissa, on the other hand, although underneath the glamour she did indeed resemble her twin sister, it wasn’t the same. She was a pale watered down version of Meaghan and no amount of glamour could hide the darkness in her soul.
Where Meaghan was light, Melissa was dark. Where Meaghan was a gorgeous sunny summer day, Melissa was a vapid frozen tundra, neglected, forgotten.
Raj was patient, he’d waited so long for what he wanted but he knew, without a doubt, that with just a little more time, a little more strength, he would be ready to make his move.
He would get his revenge and it would be glorious.
~
“What about my bike?”
Blue was distracted and not really happy to be leaving her bike behind. As she stared out the window watching the mountain,her treasured motorcycle fading into the distance, she began to feel uneasy and just a little bit guilty for leaving her Mom behind. She knew she was in there, and she knew without a doubt that her Mother needed her.
She abandoned you all those years ago, why should you do any different?
“Spence?”
“Babe, stop worrying about your bike. We’ll come back for it as soon as we can. Now get your sexy ass over here, you’re too far away from me.” His right hand was inching up her left thigh, fingers digging in almost painfully as he yanked her closer to him. “Now there’s my girl,” Spence said as he ran his fingers along the inside of her thigh.
Blue was in no mood for this right now. Sure, Spencer was her first love, her only love, but she couldn’t stop thinking about her Mom and as much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, her sperm donor of a Father was on her mind too.
It’s a trap Sammy, please be careful, nothing is what it seems, please Sammy, please be careful.
“Spence, did you hear that?”
“What babe? The only thing I hear, aside from the wind, is the sound of your heart beating in time with mine,” he looked over at her, that face she loved so much, the one person she trusted most in the world, well the Spencer she knew would never say something as corny as that. Neither one of them were into that kind of mushy gushy love talk that sounded like it came straight out of a romance novel.
“Spence, I think we should go back,” Blue’s voice was firm, and she didn’t take too kindly to not getting her way.
“We are going back babe,” his voice was slurry, as if he’d smoked a little too much of that pot he’d mentioned before or chewed on some mushrooms of the getting high kind.
“Spence, you have to turn around, I have to try to get into that mountain, now.”
She looked at him expectedly, he almost always let her get her way but he just pressed harder on the accelerator, taking them further and further away from where she needed to be.
“Spencer!” Blue yelled his name, but it was if he couldn’t hear her, as if he was ignoring her.
Despite the dangerous speed of the vehicle Blue reached over and grabbed his face. “Look at me Spence, I’m not kidding, turn this fucking car around and take me back-”
Her voice stuck in her throat as her eyes met his.
Spencer’s eyes were glowing red.
~
Coyote was hungry. Coyote had patience though, as well as an all-seeing eye through the devoted ones. Both the savage beautiful beasts running wild through the mountains, and the weak-minded puny humans, were easily manipulated and Coyote laughed at the malleability of the humans. Filled with vanity and self-pride they could be led so easily with a little bit of flattery and a dose of what they believed was power. They had no idea what real power was but they would soon find out.

to be continued by the shiny
http://kyotzeta.wordpress.com/2013/09/07/fiction-relay-part-i-think-42/

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Ooh! Nice, Joanne! I like how you handled three different things here: keeping the tension on the back burner w/ Raj & Melissa, adding new tension w/ Blue, and giving us a new insight by melding the statue in Melissa’s hotel room w/ the recently-transformed humans, and having them all led by a single consciousness, “Coyote.” Nice. (And I like how you handled the pot-mushroom reference. I’m gonna have to say something about that when it comes around to me, since we just legalized marijuana here, in Colorado… 😉 ) This story is so exciting! Really stoked to see what KC comes up w/ in the next chapter!



KC says:

BRT guys…this sounds like a lot of fun! As usual y’all threw me a -lot- of threads to play with, and my fingers are working away at the loom.

Sister-twin, as usual, I love you. Kidnapping Blue (and -boy- they don’t know what they’re dealing with!) and keeping her from three of her ties and stealing “the most important one”…hooo boy.

(and just in case you thought I missed it, boss…”tootsie the mountain fairy” *giggles hysterically* O.M.G. Ok, just wanted to say. ;p)



This is a brilliant chapter, ive got so much to say but I will try to keep this essay to a reasonable length.
Raj continues to intrigue, it seems he is playing a long game, and the suspense and the mystery is being slowly revealed. I loved the intensity of “He could sit here for hours watching her tortured sleep” and especially the way “he’d slipped a few nuggets of nightmares through her sleeping lips earlier” tells us so much about him, his relationship with Melissa, his desire for revenge, his patience.

The way you drew the contrast in the twins was really well written (“Where Meaghan was a gorgeous sunny summer day, Melissa was a vapid frozen tundra, neglected, forgotten”), and as we are seeing it from Raj’s POV it makes excellent “show don’t tell”. Information is revealed, but as part of the narrative. Very clever. Funny how they had the same initial all along as sometimes happens with twins. Almost as though the story itself knew they were twins but it took us months to realise. I can imagine the story now, saying “finally you picked up on that, what took you so long?”

I read what Spence said and thought how he was being maybe too cheesy but then “the Spencer she knew would never say something as corny as that” – very clever and sets up the reveal.

Making Coyote a kind of omnipotent spirit is genius and is an example of why I love the relay – in part 35 KC mentioned the waiter (who has since gained the name Dak) and the coyote face that Blue saw. And we have all picked up on the coyote in different ways to the extent it has become a major theme and as we approach some sort of showdown (maybe even an ending?) the coyote is now vital to the whole story.
End of essay. sorry 🙂



Oh, Bossman! LOVE so much about your essay! (Wish you hadn’t felt the need to edit/truncate….) However, this: ” Funny how they had the same initial all along as sometimes happens with twins. Almost as though the story itself knew they were twins but it took us months to realise. I can imagine the story now, saying ‘finally you picked up on that, what took you so long?’ ” had me grinning from ear to ear. This epitomizes so much of what I’ve loved about writing, in general, and this story, in particular. The Story really is its own entity, directing us, the writers, whether we’re working alone or as a group, in the direction that It wants to go. 🙂



I always say I’m more of a coordinator or administrator than the boss. Ive just realised that the story is the boss 🙂



hee! kinda true, because the story is the one that seems to be making all the decisions, and some pretty good ones too ;-D



Wow, I should write with a fever more often 😀
Honestly I was so sick that I was worried about consistancy and that sort of thing… anyway you guys always leave such great toys to play with 😀

I love the entire idea of the coyote, and I’m loving the mystical stuff lol I just adore this story and the chance to be able to write with such great writers is an hohor , truly xox



[…] Fiction Relay — Part 45 (by Joanne) […]



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