{June 5, 2013}   I’ve Always Depended On The Kindness Of Strangers

“A complete stranger has the capacity to alter the life of another irrevocably. This domino effect has the capacity to change the course of an entire world. That is what life is; a chain reaction of individuals colliding with others and influencing their lives without realizing it. A decision that seems miniscule to you, may be monumental to the fate of the world.”
― J.D. Stroube, Caged by Damnation

I have no friends.
That’s a lie, I have friends but as time goes by and life takes over, friendships change. It’s normal and a part of life yet as I sit here now it occurs to me that for all intents and purposes, I have no friends. There’s no ‘girls night out’ or ‘girls weekend getaway’ or any of those normal things that most normal people do.
I’m not normal.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Somehow I lost myself somewhere in all those years I spent taking care of others and life moved ahead without me.
I’m the one who never had children so I’m the one who got to nurse my Father through his broken hip, followed by my Mother’s fight against breast cancer, with a few years of taking care of my Mother-In-Law 24/7 as she went through the stages of Alzheimer’s.
Being a caretaker for so many years did two things: firstly, I realized how lucky I was to have 2 living Parents so I began to spend as much time as possible with my Mom. The fallout from that leads me to secondly, I neglected to take time to nurture friendships with my friends and now that my Mom’s gone, I find myself standing alone.
And now is not a good time to be standing alone because now, more than ever, I need the support of good friends.
Oh I understand that we all have our own lives and families and all that comes along with it, but I also understand that I can’t, for example, call someone up and say “Hey, that new Joss Whedon movie Much Ado About Nothing is coming out, wanna go to the movies with me?”.
And finally, I also understand that it’s my own fault.
I didn’t nurture when I should have, instead I put all my energy into squeezing as much time as I could with my Mom because I knew nobody lives forever and I didn’t want to have any regrets when she was gone.
And I don’t, as far as my Mom’s concerned. But I painted myself into a corner and now my back’s against the wall of a huge empty room.
It’s ok, I tell myself, and in a way it is ok, because as you know, if your eyes are reading this, chances are you’re a writer too and we all know that writing can be a lonely business.
We need the quiet and the alone time to be creative or, at least I do.

But I’ve realized something very important.
It’s you.
You are my friends.
You are my support.
You and your words, your writing, your sharing of yourself has been a comfort to me at a time I need it most.
You have opened your hearts and your virtual arms and taken me in, as I am, plain old not-normal me.
You have accepted me into your lives, word by word, and you have helped to put me on the road to healing.
And that, my friends, means more to me than any one of you can possibly imagine.
All I can say is Thank You, there’s no place like home.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.
William Butler Yeats



Silly girl, come visit me. I didn’t know Yeats said that.

And as fate steps in, the one girl in all the world who was once a stranger that turned into a real life in person best friend and confidante joins WordPress today, when I needed you most. Of course my car just died again today (that’s 3 times in less than 2 weeks- this might be the actual end of Lazarus, but if there’s anyone in the world that can help me thru, it’s you. I’m so happy you’re here! So many times we spent together just wandering around with cameras and notebooks crashed over me just now; and to think, it all started with a chance meeting in a bookstore! Thank you for putting up with my bad-friend status and you know what? Lets go to the movies or something soon.
Yeah, Yeats 😀

It took me four weeks to find this comment?!

Yep, there is a whole network of friends here for you. And not “friends” in the facebook sense as in someone you bumped into at a pub once and you want to see if there any beach pics from their last holiday, i mean friends that will genuinely support and encourage each other.
Ive said a few times on my blog that when i started i had no idea how social blogging was, i thought i would just publish and that was it. But i have met some brilliant and lovely friends (well, not actually “met” but yaknowaddimean) who i am closer to then people in the real world.
and as for ” I also understand that it’s my own fault”, reason is not the same as fault. Some things are more important than others, and as you say, spending time with your mum was no1 priority. Of course it was.
OK, so how about calling up a friend you have lost touch, saying hi, how are you, its been so long… and see if they are free to meet for a beer to catch up. or to see Much Ado. You dont know if you dont try right?

those aren’t tears in my eyes, they are just natures way of showing relief….thank you TRG, you are a very wise man (as well as a kick ass writer) and you, my friend, are just that in my mind, a friend who, if it wasn’t for that pesky Atlantic Ocean, I’d call up and say “Hey TRG, wanna catch that new Joss Whedon movie?” 😀
I hear your words and you are right, I need to pull myself together and pick up the phone and stop with the pity party (my words, not yours lol) I’ve also decided I need to remove a certain word from my vocabulary, that word being “should”. No more “should” and instead “do”. To quote a certain former Mayor of Sunnydale, “well gosh”! I got more out of your comment than multiple hours sitting in my old therapists office 😉

just doing my bit for a mate 🙂
and yea, if there wasnt 5000 miles of water in the way i’d be there with you watching “Much Ado”

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