Gather ’round kiddies, it’s that time again. Pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable and allow me to indulge myself in a mini-rant.
Ok so here’s the deal: I’m having a really shitty
I hate whining, I really do, but sometimes it’s the only way to rid myself of this damn cranky cloud following me around.
It started off on a good foot, a three-day weekend stretched out ahead of me full of endless possibilities, all of them, at least in my head,full of yummy goodness.
Then the winds started whipping up.
Both literally and figuratively.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good wind storm as much as the next person. But this little thing called ‘the internet’ seems to have a love/hate relationship with weather meaning I’ve been more internet-less than not since Friday night. Makes it kinda tough to do pretty much most of the things I wanted to do which leads to cranky-town.
Then there’s the figurative.
Saturday morning I went to see my Dad. I’m still in the process of going through all my Mom’s stuff which is a lot harder than I can say. I’m an emotional girl on a good day so needless to say there were lots of tears as I continued reducing my Mother’s life into boxes.
Meanwhile my Father is becoming more uncontrollable by the day. He’s the definition of cranky old man and he’s just getting crankier and more irrational every time I see/talk to him.
He now refuses to sign any of the paperwork needed to be signed.
He also said that he’s decided he doesn’t need or want any help when it comes to his three children. He’s independent, he said, he has his ‘friends’ to help him and oh yeah, by the way three children of mine, I’m leaving everything to my ‘friends’ at the bar, said he.
As I sobbed in my Mother’s room at the thought that my own Father considers me disposable, he told me to stop crying.
Gotta love the sensitivity of some men.
I thought of all I’ve done for him all my life, how hard my younger brother and I worked to get that damn house rebuilt after the hurricane knocked it down, how I’ve always been the one on my Father’s side as the rest of the family barely tolerates him.
I’m not looking for a pot of gold at the end of a black colored rainbow but goddamn it if he thinks he’s going to take my safety net away from me in order to make his new-found ‘friends’ feel important, he’s in for a future of nightmares because my Mother may be gone from this world but she will NOT I repeat NOT allow this happen.
I’m grieving and I find that I’m, for all intents and purposes, an orphan now.
The only problem is, no matter what he does or doesn’t do, I can’t help it. I love my Father.
It would just be nice if he felt the same about me.
PS: This is in no way a rant designed to evoke sympathy, to make excuses for my behavior or lack thereof, but more of a spew onto the page without thought. And by the way, it’s really difficult to write any thing of any kind when my only place to write is sitting at the kitchen table making me available to the household to fill any role they decide needs filling.
This is meant to be a Holiday weekend but it’s turned more into a weekend from Hell.
Oh man, there goes my name once again being hollered.
So…still another day of the holiday weekend left?
As someone way more famous than me once said, please kill me now.
And yes that sound you heard was me hitting my head against the table. Repeatedly.