This letter is to inform you that I am returning this Life.
I’m unsatisfied with the product I’ve been given and I demand an immediate refund.
While I understand in theory that there is no guarantee of a Happy-Ever-After, I was not informed of the possibility of a Happy-Never-After.
This is completely unacceptable.
While I have never fallen victim to the whole Bait-and-Switch thing before, I am now devastated to find that my entire Life has been nothing more than the Mother of all Bait-and-Switches.
And I really hate crying so I want my money back.
I have followed all the instructions I was given since the day I became me, but that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow has yet to be found.
I’ve run out of patience.
You can’t change the rules mid-play.
Certain things are not done in polite society,this being one of them.
I am now crying Foul.
You will find my Life enclosed in the near-empty grape jelly jar I’ve sent with this letter.
Contents may settle under pressure. Regardless of weight you are getting back exactly what you have given me, nothing.
Actually,if you look at it logically,you are getting more than you’ve given me, you, at the very least, are getting an almost empty jelly jar.
There is no disputing this claim.
Be aware that I am prepared to take this to the Supreme Court if need be.
I believe my rights are covered under the Commerce Clause (Article I, Section 8,Clause 3).
If it makes you feel better, nobody really understands what the Commerce Clause actually means.
But I still want my money back.
Any cost associated with this transaction will be paid for by the Federal Government.
The Girl Formally Known As Me