{May 15, 2013}   Just A Block Away

looking at moongirl looking back
She leans against the cold brick wall of the bar and stares at the moon in the frigid sky. She lights another cigarette and hears the music, muted, muffled. The stars look like ice chips on a frozen river. A gust of cold air wraps itself around her.
She waits.
Funny how everything in her life, everything that led her to this very moment in time was just a block away.
You can’t go home again.
“Bullshit” she tells the moon.
The door flies open and a slurry patron tells her he loved her singing earlier. She’s relieved when his designated driver immediately follows him out and she thanks them, gives them a nod and a smile and goes back to her alone-with-the-moon time.
And waits.
The house she grew up in, where her Parents still live and where she’s sleeping tonight are a block away.
Her first love, now dead, lived a block away.
The best friends in her life lived a block away.
Her childhood haunts, life-changing moments, they were all just a block away, on this side of the bridge.
She shivers from the cold but doesn’t want to end this moment. She wants to just feel, even if it’s just feeling the cold seep into her bones to keep her frozen heart company.
She notices the band’s finished their set, yet can’t tear her eyes away from the sky.
She swears she sees names written near the moon.
When she lived a block away she had no idea what she wanted and never stopped pleasing others long enough to know what pleased her. It was still the same. Always waiting on someone or something not worth waiting for.
She hears footsteps behind her and tugs her eyes away from the winter sky and comes back to earth.
“Hey”,she hears.
She feels a tug on her thawing heart and an ear-to-ear-grin erupts as she turns around.
“Hey back”.
Maybe she’d been waiting in the wrong places.


It is a sad, haunting story. So sad that the good people were only a block away, lost the boyfriend to death, so deep….the great words, “she never stopped pleasing others long enough to know what pleased her.” Hope you find a happy ending and know how to make the choices that lead you that way, I am still searching for my “happy ending!” Thanks for checking my posts about my journey and others to find love!

Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me; I’m trying so hard to find that “happy ending” too and I know that a person should never make any real decisions right after losing a Mother or anyone close really- the house just a block away is still standing now, but when Hurricane Irene took it away it took so long to get it rebuilt my Mom only got to live there for 6 months- this weekend I’ll be back there, my first time sleeping there since my Mom’s gone….wish me strength! I may need it!

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