joannebest











{May 12, 2013}   I Miss You Mom

mom program thismom and me scottish festivalmom program back
Dear Mom,
This is the hardest letter I’ve ever tried to write.
Firstly, Happy Mother’s Day to the most wonderful Mother anyone could ever hope to wish for. I’m so lost without you but I try to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself that you’ve shrugged off your mortal coil and you are now in Heaven, my own personal Angel.
I know in my heart you are happy and at peace. I know you’re up there with Nana and Grandpa, Aunt Geri, Aunt Nene, Uncle Mickey, and the older sister I never got to meet. So many friends and family are with you now, it’s one of the few things that helps me keep it together sometimes.
It’s really tough Mom, you were always here for me, and like you and your own Mom did, we called each other at least once a day. I know it’s only been a few weeks since you left us and I still haven’t fully processed it yet.
Just the other day I picked up the phone to call you for a recipe.
When the Jodi Arias guilty verdict was announced I did it again, picked up the phone, remembered you were gone and burst into tears.
I have no regrets because you taught me well.
You taught me to always say “I love you” to people I love and it comforts me a little bit to know the last words we said to each other was “I love you”.
You weren’t supposed to die yet Mommy. You broke your shoulder and the doctors swore you were fine, yet less than 8 hours after they moved you to rehab you left us. And I was the one they called first. I was so shocked I said “you’re kidding me!” but no, the nurse said, she wasn’t kidding me.
There was no way I could grab your soul and stuff it back into your body.

The last two years were extra hard on you Mom, having your house collapse around you from Hurricane Irene didn’t even cause you to bat an eye, and with our stubborn Irish streak, we made damn sure you got your house back. Screw the insurance company who refused to pay anything, we all got together and did it the old fashioned way, so many friends gathered together and yeah, we put on a show and raised money. I’m so grateful to Dave Sabo from Skid Row for donating his time and playing that night; we have always been blessed with good friends and neighbors but I have to admit, I was disappointed that BonJovi blew it off even though he was supposed to play that night too. I felt bad for the money we had to put out for security that night for the rock star who never showed up but that’s just my bitter talking. I won’t let out all the secrets I know about that situation because you wouldn’t approve, so I shall just put the whole thing in karma’s hands.
Besides, Home Depot stepped up to the plate and donated everything we needed.

It sucks that you only got to live a few months in your own house.
It sucks that we’ll never again have our twice a year Mother-Daughter trips to Cape May but I thank God we had that one last trip 2 weeks before you broke your shoulder. Although I should’ve know something was weird when there was a freak snowstorm while we were there in Springtime; we both always said how much we wanted to see Cape May covered in snow, and we did.

It’s hard Mom. So hard without you. You were the glue that held our family together.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I know you will be in my heart guiding my way. You’ll be happy to know I’ve stopped procrastinating and started writing again.
I want to make you proud. If I can be half the woman you were, I think I’ll be ok.
I will always love you Dearest Mother, I don’t know when, but we will be together again. In the meantime, keep in touch; you sent me the sign we agreed on so I know you made it to the Other Side, but if you could, just once in awhile, come visit me whether in my dreams or out of the corner of my eye, you will always be with me.

Your Loving Daughter,
Joanne Bridget

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monolovecycle says:

rest in peace πŸ™‚ great post



Thank you, this is my first Mothers Day without her, you’ve managed to turn my frown upside down, huge thanks! πŸ™‚



monolovecycle says:

anytime πŸ™‚



The firsts are really hard – first mothers day, first birthday (yours and hers),. first christmas, first anniversary…
but honestly it does get easier even though you will still miss her every day. Writing letters like this will help you grieve and will help you remember the happines of her life more than the sorrow of her passing, and that’s what she would want



I just spent the day going through her clothes to donate what we could and the first thing I see when I get back to my computer is these lovely comforting words at I time I need them most. I thought I could do it all at once but it’s much harder than I expected so baby steps with this. I will make it through because there is no alternative, at least whenever I think of her I smile more than cry (it still turns into wet eyes but I’m getting there, she’d kick my Irish ass if I sat around wailing πŸ˜€

My Mom lived a full interesting life, and I look forward to writing about her, after all, she made me so that shows right there how awesome she was/is/will always be

Sincere thanks



This is the most important part of your comment:
“it’s much harder than I expected so baby steps with this. I will make it through because there is no alternative,”
Yes, it IS hard, youre finding that, but you dont have to do everything in one go. I lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago and we (me, my brother, sister and stepmum) havent gone through all his huge photo collection yet. ONe day we have to, but you know, theres no rush.
A friend said to me that someone said to her he didnt know how she’d coped with losing her mum. well, it isnt optional. it’s happened, you deal with it in your own way. I am so glad you smile more than cry, this shows you are already making good progress. you will always have times when you cry, but they will be less.
Oh, and you will find that whenever you hear of anyone who has suffered such a loss, you will offer them your support and words because you know that they will need it (even if they seem like they dont). its sort of like being in a club and you want to guide new members through their first days.



It’s not the most fun club ever but one we will all be in eventually; I am sorry to hear you lost your Dad, but it makes me feel better knowing that it’s ok, there is no ‘normal reaction’, we feel what we feel and try to do our best.
Today is another first, it’s exactly one month today since I got that phone call, the angels are weeping over here in NJ aka it’s raining, somehow it seems appropriate. It’s weird because I lost so many people in my life but this one hit me harder than I ever imagined, because I never imagined a day without my Mom being just a 10 minute ride away.

I am a caretaker by nature, I can do anything for anyone, hell, I managed to get that house back up for my folks thru sheer determination, but when it comes to myself, somehow I become helpless…so I’ve decided now I will just pretend I am my Mom, or, there’s always What Would Buffy Do πŸ˜›

ps:see? I’ll get there, like I said, baby steps…and thank you



She isnt a ten minute ride away but she’s still with you



that is true, and always will be



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