This is the hardest letter I’ve ever tried to write.
Firstly, Happy Mother’s Day to the most wonderful Mother anyone could ever hope to wish for. I’m so lost without you but I try to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself that you’ve shrugged off your mortal coil and you are now in Heaven, my own personal Angel.
I know in my heart you are happy and at peace. I know you’re up there with Nana and Grandpa, Aunt Geri, Aunt Nene, Uncle Mickey, and the older sister I never got to meet. So many friends and family are with you now, it’s one of the few things that helps me keep it together sometimes.
It’s really tough Mom, you were always here for me, and like you and your own Mom did, we called each other at least once a day. I know it’s only been a few weeks since you left us and I still haven’t fully processed it yet.
Just the other day I picked up the phone to call you for a recipe.
When the Jodi Arias guilty verdict was announced I did it again, picked up the phone, remembered you were gone and burst into tears.
I have no regrets because you taught me well.
You taught me to always say “I love you” to people I love and it comforts me a little bit to know the last words we said to each other was “I love you”.
You weren’t supposed to die yet Mommy. You broke your shoulder and the doctors swore you were fine, yet less than 8 hours after they moved you to rehab you left us. And I was the one they called first. I was so shocked I said “you’re kidding me!” but no, the nurse said, she wasn’t kidding me.
There was no way I could grab your soul and stuff it back into your body.
The last two years were extra hard on you Mom, having your house collapse around you from Hurricane Irene didn’t even cause you to bat an eye, and with our stubborn Irish streak, we made damn sure you got your house back. Screw the insurance company who refused to pay anything, we all got together and did it the old fashioned way, so many friends gathered together and yeah, we put on a show and raised money. I’m so grateful to Dave Sabo from Skid Row for donating his time and playing that night; we have always been blessed with good friends and neighbors but I have to admit, I was disappointed that BonJovi blew it off even though he was supposed to play that night too. I felt bad for the money we had to put out for security that night for the rock star who never showed up but that’s just my bitter talking. I won’t let out all the secrets I know about that situation because you wouldn’t approve, so I shall just put the whole thing in karma’s hands.
Besides, Home Depot stepped up to the plate and donated everything we needed.
It sucks that you only got to live a few months in your own house.
It sucks that we’ll never again have our twice a year Mother-Daughter trips to Cape May but I thank God we had that one last trip 2 weeks before you broke your shoulder. Although I should’ve know something was weird when there was a freak snowstorm while we were there in Springtime; we both always said how much we wanted to see Cape May covered in snow, and we did.
It’s hard Mom. So hard without you. You were the glue that held our family together.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I know you will be in my heart guiding my way. You’ll be happy to know I’ve stopped procrastinating and started writing again.
I want to make you proud. If I can be half the woman you were, I think I’ll be ok.
I will always love you Dearest Mother, I don’t know when, but we will be together again. In the meantime, keep in touch; you sent me the sign we agreed on so I know you made it to the Other Side, but if you could, just once in awhile, come visit me whether in my dreams or out of the corner of my eye, you will always be with me.
Your Loving Daughter,