{May 12, 2013}   Bottle Of Djinn ~ Series Of Related Adventures ~ Part 1

use this djinn
In part, it was my own fault.
I mean I should have known the difference between a bottle of gin and a Bottle Of Djinn. I guess anyone could have made the same mistake given the circumstances, after all, how many liquor stores do you know of that have a Magic Shop in the back?
I don’t know if it was because my mind was distracted going over my mental pre-Christmas list or just my stupid luck. I’m leaning more towards the stupid luck side but it doesn’t matter how it happened, the outcome was the same.
Now I have this stupid Genie following me everywhere I go.
I’m sorry, I have a Djinn following me wherever I go.
He gets really cranky when I call him Genie.
First time I did he puffed up his chest all pompous-like,folded his arms and held his breath till his face turned blue. Sounds like a good thing right? Nope.
After his face turned blue he opened his mouth and let loose with a high-pitched screech and said some words that sounded like babble to me but the worst part was his fetid breath. Weren’t enough breath-mints in the world to disguise the breath of a 4000 year old Djinn (I learn fast) who hadn’t brushed his crazy razor-teeth in centuries.
We came to an agreement, my Djinn and I.
I wouldn’t call him Genie and he wouldn’t make my life a living Hell.
I wouldn’t use any of my wishes so he could stay out of the bottle and he wouldn’t make my life a living Hell.
Oh yeah,the bottle of gin my husband told me to get?
Hubby called Djinn “Genie” one too many times,now hubby’s in the Bottle.
Not to worry though, Djinn made sure the liquor cabinet was stocked.
It all started with a bottle of gin.
Doesn’t it always?
Only this was actually a bottle of djinn, same pronunciation, different spelling. Although sometimes the effects can be the same.
But you already knew that.
So after I messed up by picking up the djinn instead of the gin the wind up was my husband ended up in the now-always-corked bottle and the djinn became my constant companion.
It has it’s perks, having a genie around all the time, as long as I remember to never call him a genie. He gets all bent out of shape if I do so we settled on G.
When I say he gets all bent out of shape I mean that literally. G is tall to begin with but a little bit of anger has him nearly tripling in size both upward and outward.
First time it happened he went right through the ceiling, past the second floor and through the roof.
Trying to explain this to the insurance company wasn’t easy but once they came out to the house to physically inspect it, G did some djinn-magic and in less than two weeks I had a nice fat check in my hands.
I try not to take advantage of the endless possibilities G offers me, he’s a people pleaser and I’m his people of choice when it comes to the pleasing part. I figure he already did me a huge solid when he stuffed my husband inside the bottle so why get greedy?
It’s not bad inside there, G wished me into the bottle for a visit when it first happened and hubby was so wrapped up in his endless supply of booze and porn he didn’t even notice he was living in a corked bottle.
It could be worse, right?
My Djinn was putting his ornament on the Christmas tree when he asked me to explain human love.
“You’re asking the wrong person G,”I continued rummaging through endless boxes of ornaments looking for that damn stupid pickle.
“Why what?” I was distracted by a glittery guitar ornament I’d given my ex-husband years ago. He never did care too much about decorating the tree each year, long as it got done and he didn’t have to do it himself.
“Why are you the wrong person to ask?” G was tall enough to reach the top of the tree but he’d insisted on using a ladder.Now he was sitting on the top rung looking down at me with that childlike look on his face.
I put the guitar ornament back into the box I’d found it in and sank down onto the sofa. Figured I should at least be sitting comfortably if G wanted to talk about love because I sure wasn’t comfortable with the subject.
“Because I don’t think I even know what love is G, I thought I did but…”my voice trailed off into silence.
It was times like this that I wished I didn’t have my own personal Genie-In-A-Bottle.
Sure,I could easily wish G back into his bottle but I was getting used to him. It was kinda nice having him around to talk to even though he drove me crazy sometimes with his constant questions.
“But what?” He cocked his head to the side,a look of pure innocence on his Djinn-face and I felt a maternal-tug on my heart-strings. Ex-hubby never wanted kids,I would’ve made a damn good mother too, if given the chance.
“But it’s never too late to learn.” I handed him the tree-topper and my heart felt unusually-lighter.
“Now be careful,the angel’s on top.”
“Do you have any matches G? I have to light this burner if you want pancakes for breakfast. Stupid old stove.”
I grumble almost-under my breath.
It’s stupid early,barely 5am and G had taken to what he called a ‘morning ritual to cease the cold dark with the bright beautiful breathtaking approaching dawn of a shiny happy new day.’
Yep. That really is what he said.
“Shall I start a fir-”
“NO!”I cut him off before he could finish the word. G had a habit of taking things a little too literally.
He’s a genie, not a genius.
“I mean no thanks,G,I just need a match or a lighter or…” I trailed off as he disappeared. Literally.
He has a habit of disappearing too. No puff of smoke, no nothing, one second he’s here, next second he’s not.
Maybe that’s normal for Djinn but G needed to learn some manners.
“G???Oh for the love of-” He popped back into view only he wasn’t alone.
Standing next to him was a tiny little girl dressed in what could only be called rags.
She was covered in grime and dirt and she looked like someone had dipped her in ash.
She couldn’t have been more than 8 years old but her eyes were almost scary as she stared at me without flinching.
“I got her just in time, she only had one matchstick left,” he looked so proud of himself I hated to burst his bubble.
“Uh,G…it’s…I…umm…who is this?!?”
She crouched down behind my genie and peered at me through her scraggly hair.
Poor thing looked petrified.
“This is Sera,she has a match. And I think she’s hungry too.”
He stage-whispered the last part and I sighed as I added enough pancake-mix to feed a hungry Djinn and The Little
Match Girl.
“You need to get out more.”
The NJ Parkway was bumper-to-bumper traffic for miles. According to the local traffic-update squeaking out of the tinny-speaker of my otherwise-great-sounding car-stereo we weren’t going anywhere soon.
“What’s this then?”I did a quick drumroll on my stationary steering wheel while flashing G a half-grin,”I’m out now.”
He answered with an eye-roll and a dirty look which is a lot harder to pull off than it sounds.
“You need to go out and socialize.”
Shit. G was almost pissed,I could tell by the tone of his voice.
Having a Djinn pissed off at you can be a big gigantic bad. And that’s all I’m saying for now.
“Come on G, don’t be all mad at me, pleeease?”I knew he wouldn’t really be mad at me but he’s been all moody lately, somethings bothering him and he won’t tell me anything.
“Forget it. Never-mind.”
He waited a bit as if debating whether to speak to me or not then smiled his weird-genie-smile.
“There’s an article in this newspaper,”he waved the folded paper in my direction. We still hadn’t moved an inch in the damn traffic.
“You’re lonely”,G said as casually as if he just told me to take the next left.
“Um, yeah G, I mean who isn-”
“I signed you up for speed-dating.” He cut me off, words tumbling over themselves to fall out of his mouth fast as possible as he explained his reasoning as to why he felt it necessary to enroll me in some dating thing.
“But why speed-dating G? I don’t want to hop from table to table on 5 minute mini-dates with a bunch of strangers.”
It was a fight keeping my traffic-fueled-aggravation hidden.
“I can easily warp the time-”
“No!!! Um,G,I guess I’m just not ready to date yet.Ok?OK???”
His silence always worries me.
“Why do humans find it necessary to squeeze each other when they leave each other’s company? You’re blocking the television. It’s the last episode of One Life To Live.”
I have a Djinn with a soap opera addiction.
“It’s a commercial and sometimes people like to hug. Why do you watch this stuff G? It’s made-up. And stupid. And possibly causes obesity.”
I had a million things to do so why was I standing in my living room, uncomfortably I might add, talking about,hugs with a fresh-out-of-the-bottle genie… and when did my genie turn into my roommate?
“Humans hug when they greet each other.”
He leaned to his right, giving me a slightly condescending look before turning back to the television.
“Your point?” I asked.
G tended to vacillate between child-like and arrogant and right now he was giving me both.
“I just find it odd. We Djinn don’t-”
“Yeah yeah, I know, you Djinn don’t feel emotion and we weak humans-”
He silenced me with a look (I hate when he does that) and I sighed. There was a method to his madness, he was obsessed with hearing about human family dynamics and I was his default case study.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched his barely controlled excitement. His color was heightened and his eyes large and bright. Focused.
“When I was a little girl every time I left the house I’d have to give my Parents a hug and tell them I loved them, G, you know this already.”
“But why?”
He wasn’t gonna leave this alone as usual.
“In case I died and never saw them again, at least they knew I loved them.”
He was quiet for a moment,thinking then said, “You’re still in my way. And can I have a hug?”
“Uh Oh”
That was the last thing I needed to hear. The words “uh-oh” are rarely followed by good news. I braced myself.
“Uh Oh”
Second time he said it.The Rule Of Three guaranteed a Disaster Of Epic Proportions when there’s a Genie involved. Excuse me, a Djinn.
“What’s going on G? And don’t say uh oh again, just tell me what’s wrong.”
I have a Djinn-problem. Long story short, the Genie in a Bottle was out. Now my usually-invisible Genie was my constant companion.
After a series of events we came to terms with each other in a mutually beneficial way.
He let me call him G after a few of his temper-tantrums left me unbothered.
After I’d unknowingly freed him from his Bottle I’d introduced G to toothpaste and mouthwash . He’d been in there a few centuries and tended to screech when called Genie.
Oral hygienics and me calling him G was progress, take my word for it.
“NO! Don’t say it again G! Rule Of Three!!!” I interrupted him before he got it out; saying something 3 times had Power and I had no idea what kinda trouble an uh-oh might bring.
He threw his shoulders back and crossed his arms, a sure sign of badness to follow.
But there was a weird look on G’s face, one I’d never seen before. I thought I’d seen every look in his extensive arsenal of looks. His bottom lip was trembling. His glowy eyes were getting watery. They looked like a deep pool about to overflow.
“G?” I was really starting to worry. “What’s wrong? Just tell me and please don’t say uh-oh.”
I spoke in a gentle tone,he was scaring me.
The phone rang at that exact moment and I saw the name on the caller ID.
This couldn’t be good.
“Uh Oh”, I said.

[…] Bottle Of Djinn ~ Series Of Related Adventures ~ Part 1 ( […]

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