joannebest











{May 6, 2013}   Poison

angelcry
She was poison.
Again, like the rest of it, it wasn’t intentional. Still, she was poison. She knew the Secrets of the Universe. She got it. All of it. She got it and wondered if that was her punishment. Because there was always punishment.

There were rules to follow. There was order and a way of doing things. There were plans and goals and a List. Mathematics was the Key to Everything and she didn’t know that before, but she knew it now. She wasn’t sure if she really understood Mathematics but it was somehow the Key to Everything and that, my friends, is one of the things that made her poison. Her lack of total understanding
.

It didn’t stop her from trying though. She was chaos and disorder. She was a fire burning out of control only the kind of fire far out in the middle of the thick woods, started accidentally by a bolt of lightening, burning brightly, unseen by human eyes and put out by a heavy rain storm. She was the final piece in the jigsaw puzzle fallen unnoticed when the puzzle box was emptied, hidden underneath the sofa. She was lava bubbling up and she was the river, frozen over, slight thaw from time to time but time is a funny thing… something to do with Mathematics. She was empty and she was overflowing with nowhere to flow. And throughout it all, she was poison. It wasn’t intentional. Really.

And somewhere, in that jumble of chaos and punishment and her knowing too much, seeing too much, filtering the pain of others through herself, mingling with her own pain and spewing it onto a blank page, somewhere in that tangle she had a secret little hiding place where she kept parts of herself, other selves, time and heat… and no poison could penetrate that hidden bit of purity, that innocence and belief she held close.

She really wasn’t poison, she just felt that way sometimes. But she did know too much. She did feel too much. She did have a not-so-big grasp on Mathematics but was a quick study, a fast learner. Sometime it took her awhile to connect all the dots but she did. She also found that sometimes, when the dots are all connected, if she stood in a different area a of the room, a different view, the dots could form a different picture than the one she first thought. Maybe she wasn’t poison after all. Maybe she was surrounded by poison and she’d always been a very good adapter, always been a go with the flow type of gal… so maybe she needed to step back, and take a look around at the Universe, and maybe see it from a non-poisonous point of view.

ps:I did not draw the above illustration nor do I attempt to claim credit; I wish I knew who’s work it was so I could give them credit but isn’t it awesome?

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