{May 5, 2013}   Anywhere But Here

1334853166299Some nights are harder than others but she knows the sooner she goes through the motions the sooner it would end. So she does. She tells herself she’s done worse things than this before but can’t help feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt when he touches her. She can usually hide the shiver but sometimes she slips. That’s when she has to go overboard hoping to penetrate his drunken fog so he doesn’t lose his temper and wake the house. She closes her eyes and tries to call on some of those acting classes back in high school and wishes she paid more attention to that whole method acting thing. She tries a mental round of Anywhere But Here but for some reason all she can think of is that old ‘close your eyes and think of England’ school of thought. Which makes her wonder what Queen Elizabeth thought of while Phillip was pawing at her and she’d rather be anywhere but there. If she allowed her thoughts to remain inane she could sometimes remain removed from what she subjected herself to in order to survive. She lost her pride a long time ago. All pride did was make things harder. She gave up on being rescued. There were no saviors out there for her, no amount of wishful thinking was ever gonna change that. She’d resigned herself to the fact that wishful thinking only leads to more disappointment anyway but it sneaks in and tickles her from time to time. Sometimes she wishes she never woke up from her Sleeping Beauty existence.


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