{May 1, 2013}   (I’ve always depended on) The Kindness Of Strangers

I’ve been gone for far too long.
There’s been a kind of exile, of the self-imposed kind which tends to drive a person wonky.
Is it evident I’ve been watching a lot of BBCAmerica?
Is anyone out there?
There’s no one in here but me these days, and by “in here” I mean my own me. My mind. My head. My brain.
My heart.
That, my dears, has been frozen until further notice.
No real reason other than preventative breakage because you and I and everyone inbetweeen knows, it’s inevitable.
The heart-breakage I mean.
So we build walls and curl ourselves into tiny little balls of fear and avoidance.
It’s less painful that way.
Desire is always there though.
Front and center and proud as a cock crowing at the crack of dawn waking up the neighborhood.
But it’s best pushed down low and deep with all the secret secrets.
Desire such as mine is better kept under control, it’s safer in the long run for all within a fifty-mile radius and/or anywhere in my orbit.
So I hide.
But hard as I try, that pesky little soul of mine keeps poking me from the inside out.
“Do something,” my soul cries.
“Leave me alone,” I respond repeatedly.
That’s it, that’s all the support I got from this shriveled-up grinch-like soul, a flat-out “No”.
Yesterday a stranger changed my life.
It wasn’t even intentional and this stranger, a faceless person hidden behind an internet name gave me back my self.
The hows and whats, the particulars are not important.
What is important is the kindness offered to me, without any expectations whatsoever.
Last night as I was huddled inside myself I received an unexpected text message from an angel.
It read “you ok?”.
And suddenly, I was.


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